The Down-low of Gay and Hiding

(copied from http://b-muses.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-to-tell-if-your-man-is-closet-gay.html)

This is not something new but in the recent years there are a number of people who have been married for a long time and has a family then suddenly decided to come out and live their true lives. It may be new for this generation to hear such a thing but it is more realistic to believe that a number of men and women have been gay and hiding for years. For example, the very married New Jersey governor decided to be honest after being outed about his sexual tryst with a male intern. Obviously, like many others, it’s not just that some men and women come out years after making a marital commitment but also the fact that during their marriages they decided to cheat and become involved in risqué behaviors in order to discover their true sexual preference. So, how does this affect the dating prospect for single Christians?

The term “down-low” is usually in reference to Black American men who have homosexual affairs while in a committed heterosexual relationship and then denying that they are gay. In this post, the reference down-low is indicating men and women of all races who are gay and hiding behind a heterosexual life. In a recent article about the late Oral Roberts’ grandson, Randy Roberts Potts indicated that he knew he was gay but still decided to marry and subsequently have children. He eventually divorced because he was unhappy with pretending. This seem to be the prevailing stories of everyone who becomes ex-hetero.

One has to be living under a rock to not understand why some gay men and women decide on taking the down-low choice. This is a good way to blend in with ‘normal society’ and avoid discrimination. This issue is not isolated to the regular world but it has and will always be a part of the Christian community because the ‘normal people’ make up the church body. Like any other unfaithful behavior, the activities of down-low individuals affect their partners. In the 80′s when HIV and the fatal AIDS rant rampant, a number of unsuspecting heterosexual men and women were being infected by their cheating down-low partners who did not use protection and had multiple lovers. This is no different today as people pass on STIs due to infidelity.

One important caveat is that this post is not advocating any beliefs in causation of homosexuality and HIV or AIDS. The fact is that the down-low individuals will do almost anything to keep their secret. Trying to bottle such a huge lie require compromises which an average individual would not have normally undertake. Take for instance, the senator who solicited a man whom he thought was gay (turns out to be a cop) in a bathroom. The down-low individual is more than likely to engage in high risk behaviors: multiple partners rather than one long-term lover which increases the exposure to STI’s.

Some of the responses of the jilted spouses includes feeling a great sense of anger and bewilderment. How could they have not known until it was too late? Were they ever loved by their down-low spouses? Were their entire marriage and life a lie? Were their lives just wasted years? No one would feel good about being someone’s fall back guy no matter how much of a good explanation was provided. As single Christians, this is another obstacle to consider when dating. Many people are coming out today to live as gay men and women but many are still not comfortable with their orientation. Just like the spouses in the past and some who are living that life right now, it can happen. Some people boost about having a good gaydar but I doubt the average person has such a keen eye.

Due to the unwavering anti-gay sentiments of the church, gay men and women who want to be a part of the Christian community will inevitably hide their sexuality to ‘blend in.’ This spells disaster for a heterosexual single Christian who could find him/herself with a potentially down-low dating partner. There is no win-win in these situation because both people are not entering into a relationship with the whole truth and nothing but the truth. A relationship based on deception is bound to unravel one way or another usually later than sooner.

Is there a way to prevent yourself from being the heterosexual cover for a closeted gay individual? Maybe developing better gaydar? Befriend a gay individual and use him/her as your gaydar? Being conscientious of feminine mannerism for men? Being aware of your date going overboard to prove his/her interest in having a relationship? Is there really a sure-fire way to tell about a person’s homosexual orientation before you are hooked line and sinker? The reality is most people, whether gay or hetero, pretend to be a perfect version of themselves when they just meet someone. It is not until you are hooked and invested before the true nature come forth; however, sometimes, when people are involved they begin to ignore the warnings.

The bottom line is no one is 100% sure about someone else during the mating dance. The only weapon is to use your good judgment when you become suspicious of someone’s behaviors instead of burying your head in the closet. It’s better to ask questions early rather than wait until years of investment to waking up and facing the harsh reality that you have made a big mistake. In this day and age, it would not be too rude to ask your date if s/he has ever had a strong attraction to the same-sex?

The Insulting World

(Image copied from www.ernestangley.org/estore/product/be_ye_separate/)

Identifying one’s self as Christian usually gets one of a few reactions depending on your audience. The first is the impression that you think you are better and morally just than everyone else (goody two shoes). Then there are the anti-religious who wants to challenge your idiotic belief in a myth. There are the curiosity seekers who want to know what is it about God that makes you want to drink the Kool-Aid. There are the others who immediately vacate from your presence as if you are a contaminant of some kind.

On the other hand, when  appropriate occasion does not arise to identify your supernatural beliefs, then people assume you are one of the masses. There is nothing inherently wrong with being one of the masses except when people assume certain bad things about your character that are insulting to your faith, identity and convictions as a Christian. For example:

-When your boss assumes you would lie or pick and choose the truth that will be more beneficial

-When your doctor suggest having an AIDS/STI test after telling him/her that you are not married or involved in a relationship (assumption: that you are still sleeping around anyway).

-When most people at an event assumes you are a heavy drinker like everyone else (or have an alcohol problem and that’s the reason you are not drinking). Or you quit smoking, so that’s why you refuse a light. Or it’s safe to assume you will be getting hammered later.

-Every woman has a pregnancy scare story, so where is yours.

-Assumes that because all the coworkers take things home from the office that it will be a part of your office culture practice.

-Your nonreligious acquaintances assume you are already having sex with someone you very recently met

-If you refuse to dress provocatively: short skirts/dresses, boobs hanging out or some other risqué clothing, that you may have had a bad experience as a child.

-In a conversation with a group of people and everyone has a story of waking up next to a person with whom they have no recollection. They seem confused when you indicate that such behaviors are not normal for you.

I know why I take offense to such insulting implications. It’s because people always assume the worst of others and society usually reward such tarnished behaviors. Everything wrong is “soooo cooooool” these days, it absolutely disturbing. I take offense because the assumption is that I am one of those people who consciously make stupid destructive decisions because everyone else is doing it.

 

Discover The Body God Created

When God created man and woman, He thought it was “good.” Note the bible did not say, he thought certain parts were good, other’s were so-so and the select few bad. The bible clearly said “good.” However, throughout the centuries, the body was sectioned off into the good parts and the bad parts. Today, there are a few ‘bad’ parts which still causes great anxiety and shame to many. On a side note: There are two very interesting commercials on television that makes me chuckle because they are funny as well as their discrete advertising for the ‘bad’ body parts in which they never identified by name:

The Summer’s Eve’s Hail to the V commercial: “It’s the cradle of life. It’s the center of civilization. Over the ages and through the world, men have fought for it, battled for it, even died for it. One might say it’s the most powerful thing on earth. So come on ladies show it a little love.”

Cialis: “When the moment is right”

So, readers brace yourself! Here’s another topic for a healthy open Christian adult discussion.  [Viewers discretion is advised. Real images of genitals are featured in this post :-0].

After watching a very interesting documentary specially focused on women called Why Is Sex Fun? I thought it warranted a post to explore the body God created. The focus of the documentary is to highlight the researches that are exploring the purpose, hows and whats of female orgasms. Surprisingly, it is a very recent turn of the century acknowledgement that women actually have orgasms. Most young women are not given the abbreviated or any version about the joys of sex (there is also a book by that title) and the understanding of the female anatomy. This could be due to two things: women cannot teach what they do not know or they are too embarrassed to talk about it. The males, on the other hand, have more access to information albeit that it may be crude. To top it all off, except for those bland videos in school, men and women do not know a thing about each other’s mechanics except for gossips or waiting until they are in real live experiences. Please note that not everyone has experiences with pornographic materials. Living in an era where people regularly go into space and do very amazing feats, it is quite sad that we have yet to fully discover the body God created.

In certain countries, female’s ‘bad’ body parts incur the wrath of castration and fistulas which are still predominant problems. In other countries, women are denied gynaecological health care because the majority male physicians are forbidden to have any contact with a woman’s private parts or body in general. The vagina, clitoris and uterus hold such a mystery even for modern women. So why the mystery? Why the shame and hiding when God created something that was good? Men have the advantage to get to know themselves because their penises and scrotum are right there in plain sight since birth. They have to come in contact with it on a daily basis which eliminates the visual mysteries. However, for women, the vagina and clitoris are hidden and need to be searched out.  Little girls are deterred from any curious exploration and she is immediately shamed if any attempt is made in the presence of a caregiver. That is the first message for women that certain parts of themselves are to be ignored because it is not appropriate and off limits. For conservative women, their first discovery of their sexual organ is by someone else- a lover, husband or their doctor. It might seem ludicrous but many women have never seen their vaginal area. Hint ladies and gentlemen, all vaginas are not the same. They don’t all look-alike . Take for instance the pictures below:

                

(both images copied from wikipedia.org)

                        (copy from: mydoctortells.jivisha.com and DrMichaelgoodman.com respectively)

Let’s discuss some basic body and sex ed tidbits for the conservation Christian woman and man:

-Sex really does start in the brain for both genders. However, for women, it’s much more important. Women are slow starters and need some warming up (foreplay) time while men don’t. One researcher proposed that couples enjoy better sex when they are in love and are attracted to each other. Well, God created marriage and sex for lovers. So, the reasearch should not be telling a Christian anything new.

-A bigger penis is not always better (despite what men brag) and size does matter for both genders. (Another hint! Majority of the men are average size between 5-7″). There is such a thing as too small, too big, too long, too thin, crooked, too tight, women have ‘short or tilted’ vaginas, too loose (reason Kegel exercises are recommended after natural birth and as we age).  Which ever one describes you, male or female, it’s good to know and therefore finding the right position during sex helps. This is where communication becomes very important. It does not hurt to have technique books like the kama sutra that addresses such issues

-The vagina is a muscle that contracts and stretches. This is a note for virgins: first time sex and pap smears can be painful because this muscle has not been used in vigorous sexually related exercises or given birth. Just image it as trying to run a mile without stopping when you never ran before-it will hurt or feel sore. (Feel free to ask your gynaecologist to use the smallest speculum during your pap). For women who have been out of the action for some time, reintroduction to sex can be an uncomfortable experience for some.

-The clitoris is very important and quite sensitive. It is the concentrated pleasure center for women. Many women are not able to have orgasms through vaginal intercourse alone. The clitoris needs some love and attention in the same way men would like for women to pay attention to their scrotum (nick named by some as the cousins or the boys).

-Men ejaculate a whitish substance called semen. However, some women also ‘ejaculate’ a clear liquid as well which, in quantity, is more than the average female. Some women describe it as the feeling of peeing; however, research indicates that it is not urine. All women do become ‘wet’ when aroused. It’s the body’s natural lubrication period and it is also important in anticipation for a dry penis during sex. Some women do have difficulty with their natural lubrication and they do need assistance (notice the KY jelly commercials on tv?).

-During arousal, men’s penises increase in length and girth (aptly nicknamed the growers) while other men do not increase much therefore, what you see is what you get (showers). Women’s vaginal wall also becomes engorged and the canal becomes more narrow during arousal (to give the penis a cozy hug) while the clitoris also enlarges and comes out of hiding for better stimulation.

-Breasts and the rest of the body are a package deal. For women (and men) they are an erogenous zone. However, they can be very sensitive. (Some women are aware of that during pregnancy or that time of the month). Handle with care. Each male and female have additional body parts that can create similar arousal feelings as the genitals and breasts. Discovery is what helps each person to find their own.

-In the erect position, men’s penises are at their most vulnerable for damage. Some people will refer to the penis as broken when it suffers an injury but that is not an accurate description of the injury. A man who has ever had a ‘mishap’ will tell you it can hurt like hell. So don’t be fooled by it’s strong brave stance, it too needs to be handled with care. When men brag about being up for hours, they are grossly exaggerating. Such a situation is called priapism which is when blood is trapped in the penis and the only way to fix it is with a huge needle to help relieve the pressure. Ouch.

-Orgasms are good! That’s why men like them so much. There is nothing evil or sinful about it. It’s definitely a right to have that experience at least once in your life – guilt free.

-Contrary to what is on tv, women can be very very sexual and some even have more of an interest in sex than some men. Everyone’s libido is not created equal. However, women can be more inhibited and prudish which interferes with them discovering their bodies and full sexual capabilities and expression. This is not biological it’s psychological. A woman needs to believe she is beautiful, sensual and that what she is blessed with is a gift from God.

It has taken me many years to not feel ashamed to want to learn about my own body and to even stand in front of mirror in my birthday suit. It took a gynaecology visit in my mid 20′s to prompt me to read more and learn about what was going on with me. It took sex to discover that I need to understand the mechanics of me in order to find pleasure or even learn about pleasure. It took all these outside things to happen to finally say it’s time to figure out what’s what. This is the information age and women and men are still ignorant because of shame.

Those are hardly all the tidbits we should all know about ourselves and the opposite sex. If you are confident enough to want to know more, then there are tasteful and very helpful books that celebrates and informs about the body. If you are too embarrassed to pick one up at a book store, then do a discreet shopping on-line. The body is not a sin. To think that way and call it as such is to call God a liar. Christians do shun away from anything related to the ‘bad’ body parts, yet it’s inescapable. I am also sure that there are some who may find the above pictures “distasteful.” It’s interesting, that for every aspect of life, people are encouraged to seek out information. You want to get married, there are millions of books on marriage, you are planning on having a baby-millions of books, the common cold-books, the life span of a gnat – thousands. However, no one will ever openly say, you want to know about your personal body parts go get a book, a video, or talk to a professional.  That is the only time discouraging words such as ’unholy, sinful, inappropriate, etc…’ would come into play. Do not be ignorant. Go and discover that what God created really was good.

To review:

-The body is good!

-Learning about one’s body is good!

-Genitals are not dirty. God provided them, he knew what he was doing!

Jesus’ Perfection Re-interpreted

 

Being exposed to the Christian religion and Jesus for my entire life, there is one thing that has not escaped me and that is the message of Jesus’ perfection. Jesus never sinned or did anything remotely wrong according to the bible which only chronicles his 3 years of ministry. As an adult, I also realized that the traditional view of Jesus’ perfection is a little different from mine these days.

The traditional view of Jesus is like a lily white flower that was never in any risk of being tempted; therefore, He had no reason to really fight off sin for himself because he was always protected by his divinity. There is also the view that because of His divinity, then there is NO way that Jesus would have been able to sin no matter what was shoved in front of Him. However, after hearing a sermon a few years ago, my view of Jesus’ perfection made me see Him as more relatable in my moments of difficulty.  The sermon had emphasized that despite Jesus’ divine connection, He was also fully, completely and unequivocably human ie. in every way-just like the rest of us, hurt, pain-human. Why does that make a difference for me?

If we think of Greek mythology and various religions that have outer worldly deities, the one complaint is that these gods cannot identify with the daily experiences of a man or woman. Therefore, these deities always impose these almost impossible guidelines to getting into their inner circle. Call me a heretic but some of the old testament chronicles of God also seemed to follow the same trend. The new testament view of Jesus and religion really identified with our outer and inner demons and attests to the fact that we fail even when we do not want to fail.

I am an exponential thinker. I am not always satisfied with the status quo and I ask question and think outside the box when there is a gap. I was raised to not ask certain questions or think too much outside of what the pastor tells you about Jesus and all things Christian. If you have read enough of my blog, then you will recognize that I have traditional and nontraditional views on all things God and Christian and I have never apologized for my curiosity or views because from it I stumble, fall, learn and grow. If I can’t question then I won’t believe. For most of us who choose to believe in God, you know how difficult of a task this can be. From the moment I was introduced to the Christian religion as a baby until this day, the bible has remained the same but the understanding, when applied in context to the human experience, has changed. If each person should put themselves in the place of each bible character or have experienced similar issues as those we read about, I can guarantee that your responses would not be the same as Ruth, David, Judas or Peter.

I believe that most people read the bible in abstract, something that I was taught to do for many years. However, when we are faced with a true Christian conundrum, the abstract does not quite fit. That, my fellow Christians, is why we struggle over the simplest of problems in our lives.  Despite that, most Christians are quick to judge others (been there and done that). In comes the philosophy of removing the log from your eye before condemning someone who has a spec or even the same size log their eye. If you know the perfect way to deal with the ups and downs of daily life and being the best-est Christian, then feel free to share it because there are many who could benefit.

Back to the topic, reinterpretation of Jesus’ perfection. I imagine Jesus as a child (unfortunately that is not something many do). I see him like any other human child who cried, fussed, pooped, giggled, and peed on his mother (maybe missing her face because she was not quick enough) while she is changing his cloth nappy. He was NOT locked away in the synagogue for hours on end learning from the priest but learning from his father and the men who are close friends and relatives of the family just like the other boys of his age and time. He participated in the traditional Jewish festivals like everyone else.  I see him playing with other kids and getting into things and perhaps skinning his knees like all the other boys in the town. I see him growing up and having the same challenges that prepubescent and pubescent boys have (I realize that most Christians will not agree with this). Keep in mind, if he is fully human, then these are natural social experiences and body development he faced just like his peers. I see his parents expecting  him to get married to a nice Jewish girl who was a part of the lineage of King David, they expected him to have a trade etc. (keep in mind that there were a few times Jesus had to point out to his mother that he was here for a different purpose than what is traditionally expected of a Jewish male born of his stature). I see Jesus experiencing the normal human life in order to prepare for his job as the one and only human-divine representative.

Jesus’ vulnerable humanity came into play so clearly in two places in the bible: His 40 days and nights of meditation in the wilderness and at the Garden of Gethsemane. If we think about the story of Jesus being tempted in the context of him being fully human, then those 3 enticements by Satan will make better sense. If we are only able to see Jesus as fully divine, then that story would seem quite stupid-sort of similar to someone with a hundred dollars trying to bribe a millionaire. So, what exactly do I mean? Satan knew that the fully human side of Jesus would be starving and weak (physically and mentally) after going over a month with no nourishment. Think of us in that situation (rich or poor) that if someone offered us a simple morsel of bread (not a feast) we would be so ready to grab at it. Some of us can’t even resist a special treat when we are feeling absolutely full!  Satan was not tempting Jesus’ divinity he was going after his humanity in the same way he comes after us.

The 2nd temptation was for the fully human Jesus to try to test God’s loyalty to protect him. Now, if we should bring this scenario to our reality, I am positive that we have tried to test God many times in many ways. “God if you are really there then … for me.” It might seem silly for Satan to tell Jesus, look if  you jump you are totally protected so why not do it.  However, the point was to see if the humanity of Jesus would question if God would really do such a miracle for Him. Imagine if someone should ask such a request of you, what would your first thought be of God’s power? Would He save me or would He let me fall to my death? A divine Jesus is capable of anything which is humanly impossible; therefore such a temptation for a God would be lunacy.

The 3rd attempt was about association with power. Satan was offering the physical world in exchange for Jesus’ association to him. As humans we know that we are fragile because it does not take much to change our lives significantly or to lose everything including our lives in the blink of an eye. Therefore, many people like to be associated with power, authority and dominance as a delusional way to feel invincible. We see these behaviors throughout with inequality in race, religion, ethnicity, gender, jobs and even in our homes.  Why do you think celebrities and the wealthy have so many ‘friends’? It’s all about association. A divine Jesus would have no need of such foolishness because the world belongs to the Father and therefore to Him. Take note that Jesus had an old testament scripted response for all 3 temptations. He could have easily said Satan don’t be stupid, I am God but instead He resorted to the same things we mere mortals do today when we memorize and recite scripture.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, this was the most human of response. This fully human man knew that he was going to be betrayed by friends (do you know what that feels likes?),  who probably were more like His on-the-road family. He was beaten, mocked, shamed, humiliated, degraded, flogged, stripped in public, having large sharp thorns pierced his head, people hitting and spitting on him, sharp sword in His side, large nails in your hands and ankles and hung for your mother, earthly father, brothers, sisters, people He healed and rebuked, friends and strangers to see (There is an interesting documentary called Who was Jesus? on Discovery Channel that talks about his torture). I don’t know about you but I would have peed and pooed in my pants and ran away in hiding if I suspected I will be brutally tortured. Instead, the fully human part, prayed so darn hard because of some heavy-duty anxiety and stress which caused blood to pour from his sweat glands. He then said the human thing and asked maybe begged that God would pass ‘the cup’ from him and find some other easier way. I wonder at times why He had the audacity to even ask the Father for such a thing knowing that this was His destiny. I believe that He asked perhaps because this was the fully human side of him recognizing how tremendous His cross will be. The rest is Christian history.

I appreciate the fully divine side of Jesus. Afterall, we need a divine intercessor. However, I appreciate the fully human side of Him even more because it gives me the feeling that at least one person in the heavenly body gets me and my never-ending struggles. No, not the me that should be a perfect Christian, say, think, and do the right thing all the time but the part that will get it right and get it wrong until the day I die.  If Jesus were married, I would expect him to have marital struggles. If he had children, I would expect that he would have parental issues like the next person. If he was a senior citizen, then the same curses and blessings of aging. I like to think of Jesus as perfect in the sense that He was tempted and faced day-to-day issues of life in the same ways we do; however, he made the better choices that we do not always make.

Have Men Lost Their Dignity?

(A pic from the movie Mommy Dearest)

For those who watch tv, you will notice that reality tv is the go-to source of entertainment. These are not my usual choice in programming but due to some recent down time and expanded cable options, I have been able to see what the tabloids are talking about regarding these new crap of celebrities (use the word loosely). I am now aware of ‘the Situation’ and Snooki, the Kardashians, I am beginning to understand the fascination with Bridezilla and the Basketball, Baseball and any other ball wives to include the many variations of the Housewives.

It is quite unfortunate that this ridiculousness is etched into my brain. I compare these shows to a train wreck in which you just can’t look away once you have taken a glimpse (I am trying to wean myself). I have found that for majority of these shows I am not able to watch a full episode because it seems so painful and ridiculous versus entertaining.  The breakdown is this, for the most part, all of the shows with a majority female cast usually entail backstabbing, and a constant barrage of bickering and gossiping in epic proportion. The things that these women bicker about which inevitably results in fake friendships which turns to hate is something I can remember happening in high school or grade school. The shows with the mixed cast usually focuses on everyone sleeping with everyone. The male focused reality tv is usually in two category: the unnatural overly feminized gay centered or macho man centered.

Reality tv women have already loss their dignity since the inception of these shows. Anyone remembers Who wants to marry a millionaire, Joe millionaire (who turned out to be poor), girls gone wild (which I have only seen the commercials on tv), all the bachelors cattle call series etc. Most people find these shows entertaining because there are women who are always willing to do something sexual to get ahead. Women have done that since the dawn of time (our sexuality is very powerful) so there is not much surprise anymore.  

However, the disturbing trend for men comes with these bridal shows. Bridezilla to be exact. This is truly one show that I have not watched a full episode except for the Where are they now? updates (I can only stomach this in very small doses). My curiosity is to see how many of the couples are still married. This reality series makes me cringe for a number of reasons:

-The women are so obnoxious that you truly believe that someone needs to slap them senseless

-The men are complete and utter wusses who have lost the rights to their testicles and manhood

-This is a prime reason why many people should not be married. God help the children

-It is ridiculous how others around the bride put up with her bullsh*t just because of a wedding

-The men allow these women to manipulate them and wonder why they do not get any respect

It makes me wonder if MOST men have lost their dignity and the right to claim any kind of manhood? People might blame the weakening of men’s character on the liberation of women; however, I fail to see the direct correlation. An alternate thought is did the women’s liberation highlighted certain men’s less than manly traits? Back in the day, a man was forced to be the provider, head of household etc but since the pressure is off, they are free to be less than a leader. Another thought is could it be that these shows highlight something most women never think about which is men’s desperation for companionship shows up as a weaker, I-will-take-anything to not be lonely behavior? One of the men who chose to remarry his ex-wife despite everyone’s bewilderment (they divorced less than one year later) said that remarrying her was better than being alone. Ummmm… do I smell a severe case of desperation? Is it a fair trade to lose your manhood in order to gain companionship?

Most women who were raised in a traditional enough home, have images of a strong man for their husbands. Note that I am not referring to an abusive man, neglectful man etc. I am referring to a man who commands respect as much as he gives it; he has a voice and is confident with the women in his life. Most men I know are not bullied by the women in their lives. I can guarantee that if the show was Groomzillas and the men behaved in the same manner, then everyone would be crying domestic violence or fear for the woman’s happiness. However, since it’s the man that’s being humiliated, then we shake our heads, belittle him, and change the channel. This is no different from that reality tv show teen mom in which one of the young women consistently verbally berate and physically accosted her boyfriend on tv; however, the biggest concern from the public was the fact that in one episode she assaulted him in front of their child. He actually fits the description of an abused man (this is not as rare as you might think).

Another plausible explanation why these shows are filled with spineless men could be more behavioral. Reality tv is all about drama; therefore, the producers seek out couples who are already a dysfunctional match for each other. There is the phrase that ‘there is someone for everyone’ and this is true of these shows. Follow me for a second: These men’s personalities are naturally submissive and they usually prefer someone else to take charge. These men will seek out (and probably have for most of their lives) women with dominant to controlling personalities. So, what we see on tv is only a concentrated set of personality types that make for great television but not indicative of the average male (I hope). The other thing that I noticed (amid the protests of the wives that they were unfairly portrayed) is that the people who are closest in their lives, to include parents, are willing enablers of their verbally demanding and sometimes abusive behaviors and that is something you cannot fake for a few weeks of taping. Breeding does start at home!

So the hope for many single women getting their entertainment from these highly dysfunctional people’s lives is that there are men who still have their dignity, their testicles in tact and is able to announce their manhood. Single men, if you should glimpse any of these vile female behaviors while flipping the channel to football, be aware that not all women are that way and YOU choose what kind of woman you want to be hitched to for the rest of your lives.

 

Modern Parents-The First Exposure To Evil

(image copied from olsuit.wordpress)

 

In the season of remembering a very famous birth (not Santa Clause and presents), one cannot help but look at the parents of Jesus. Mary and Joseph were chosen by God for a reason. Apparently, He saw that these two people would “train up a child in the way he should go,” so that when Jesus was of age he would follow in the path that was meant for him. One might venture to say that without the good parental interventions for Jesus at an early age, he could have been easily dissuaded to choose a more sinister road.

Hannah, Samuel’s mother, was also a good example of a parent taking charge of her child’s life. She saw the importance and the value of her son and her role as a parent. Her best intentions for Samuel was to give him back to God. The saying is being a parent is the most important job anyone could do and they are right. A good parent nurtures the future generation, unfortunately, these recent generation of parents are doing more harm than good.

Instead of trying to protect a child from evil, parents are the ones inflicting hurt, harm and even death to their children. The news has become increasingly saturated with parent killing children or abusing them sexually and physically. In the style of hollywood, the abuse comes in the form of parading the child as a financial commodity, then letting their paid babysitters and agents become pseudo-parents. The children are then lost in an adult world, while the parents bask in the limelight and do their utmost best to become young and free teens again.

Spare the rod and spoil the child is deemed to be the new evil in discipline; however, allowing your child to run loose and have their ‘freedom’ is doing a world of hurt. In the age of political b.s. the true context of that verse has been lost. The point was not about corporal punishment but about effective consequences to a child’s behavior in order for him/her to learn. Many of the parents who cry ‘no spanking’ are some of the same ones who have loss the authority in their household and the child makes the rules while they cower in fear or shame.

Training starts from birth. This is such a foreign concept to new parents it’s mind boggling! Have you ever had to watch a 2 or 3-year-old kick and physically hurt her caregiver while the parent cry and lament “I don’t know what to do?” Coming from a generation in which the belt, firm verbal commands and a host of other disciplinary actions were used, it is safe to say that even the simplest rules of parenting are not passed down from parent to parent  anymore.  This very important cycle has been disrupted due to so many factors. Therefore, the recent generations have no idea what it truly means to be a parent. Having worked with parents and their children from the ages of 2-18 years old, I am convinced that most people should have been blessed with sterility. Yes I said blessed!  Because it is always a blessing when a fool is not allowed to spread its seed.

On the other hand, there should be a thunderous applause with a standing ovation for the people who have decided that parenting is not their cup of tea. These are the people who have actually put some thought into the most difficult job on earth and opted not to take the challenge. However, instead of supporting such a conscious decision, most are greeted with insult and identified as ‘selfish.’ The breeders believe that it is a right for every woman or couple to have a child while the nonbreeder, very rightly, see this as a privilege they choose to deny. Too often, it is the selfish person who decides to give birth because having a baby is the status or what is expected of them instead of thinking about how their parenting choices will affect the life of their child. It takes much more personal strength to admit that being a parent is not your calling in life than to have a child and screw up the job badly then expect someone else to fix the problem.

If the masses were not sure about the state of the youth, the demise of the sturdy family structure is now a source of entertainment (16 and pregnant, teen mom, super nanny, the jersey shore, toddlers and tiara etc.). This is a far cry from the parental expectation of what God had in mind when he chose Mary and Joseph. Children are no longer embarrassed to bring shame to the family (there is still some remnants of family pride in the Asian culture) while parents seem to feel a sense of pride over wtf behaviors. If the first line of defense has been eroded even before the child is old enough to be aware, then what is left to protect the future generation? The majority seem to fall into two styles of parenting: The absent parent or the fearful parent. I say bring back the literal rod and beat the ass of the child and the parents. There are so many of them that could use it.

 

Christian+Single+Sexually on Fire

At the risk of being branded immoral and unchristian,  it’s now time to open the closet doors with a few more frank Christian sexual and single discussions.  There is no denying that I find sexuality very interesting. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that anything surrounding sex is kept an open secret for may centuries. Take for instance, old hollywood would depict  married people sleeping in separate twin beds. Male doctors would masturbate women (invention of vibrators) to cure female psychological illnesses while at the same time denounced female sexuality and orgasm. Back in the day, people had scores of children to increase the survival rate of their families but young girls and guys would be married without knowing where to put what. The current day religions and conservative countries that chastise anything sexual tend to sanction men having multiple wives (or lovers) with numerous children. In a recent news report from the middle east, there is an ongoing fight to make sure women do not drive cars because the upstanding men thought if they did, then it would allow women to have more illicit sexual opportunity (interestingly the report did not mention that the ‘council’ was worried about the other half of the sexual equation-the men)…bla bla bla. As I said, an open secret.

The other open secret is Christian singles (and some married couples) sexual mojo are totally on fire without an outlet. There were a number of objections when I suggested masturbation. So, then what? Someone, not religious, once said she noticed that Christians (women) were more likely to marry quickly because they just wanted to have sex ie. attend to the sexual fire. I had to stop and think about that for a moment and then agreed. So, could it be that single Christians who marry later in life have a shorter courting or dating period because they want to get to the physical part sooner rather than later?

The sexually active population do not face such a spiritual dilemma because there are a number of sexual programs to which they can subscribe: The paid sexual satisfaction program, the friends with benefit program, the booty call program, the one night stand program, and the sex outside of marriage in a committed relationship program. The single Christian has…ummm….wait…well… God. There are no easy and quick fix solution for the sexually on fire Christians despite the fact that they do exist in very large secretive numbers. Why? because no one would ever thing that being a single christian would entitle you to have any sexuality at all. They are all castrated monks.

I wonder how many would admit to another person or themselves that they are as horny as hell and they can’t take it anymore. How many would admit to seeing a hot guy/girl and for a long few seconds entertain the thought of a quick fiery quenching moment of passion or lust. Speaking of lust, which means a passionate or overmastering desire or craving, that word has been vilified in the bible and there is a clear understanding why. However, he who has never felt lust (repeatedly) cast the first stone. The issue is lust comes with sexual desire because it’s a normal part of life. When was the last time you looked at the opposite sex and the only things that were stirred up within yourself were the very basic of emotions. By the way, I would hope married couples have some of that in their marriage to keep the fire burning.

The problem with lust is that sometimes it’s taken way too far. Take King David for instance, he had lustful feelings for Bathsheba, after all, she was apparently beautiful and bathing naked in plain sight. What he did after seeing her was the true sin. David allowed his imagination to linger a lot longer than was appropriate and he was overcome with an uncontrollable desire for something/someone he should not have had. Like David, I can honestly say that I would definitely have had some lustful thoughts if I had a good view of  a gorgeous naked man next door. I also can’t say that I don’t have some lustful thoughts when a gorgeous man fully clothed walk by me . However, unlike David, I would not be venturing boldly over to the neighbours for an afternoon or late night delight.

I know that people will quote the passage stating that a man who lusts in his heart has already committed a sin. The reality is no one, Christian or other, walks by someone of the opposite sex  that they find attractive and thinks “I bet she has the smartest brain ever” or “I am sure he will make a good husband and father.” In all honesty, the first things we do say are “she is so beautiful or sexy” or “He’s so hot.” The next thing that happens is that the brain sends a message to the heart and those perfectly functioning sexual organs and bang… sexual spark that can lead to an inferno. The other truth is one does not have to have a visual object to ignite those horny desires-the body is just an amazing God created vessel with God created functions. Believe it or not, there are normal things or moments that can kick the body into a sexually aroused state automatically: an innocent touch, a smell, a memory etc.

There is no shame in admitting to being horny and sexually on fire. There is no sin either. This is just the facts of life because we are all created sexual beings. There is no shame in admitting that for singles and sexless couples that it can be very difficult to not be having some kind of sex or at least some way to relieve those normal sexual feelings and desires. Sex and all things related is meant to be a fun activity. There are and will always be moments when sex is overwhelmingly on the brain, heart, and genitals just as there are moments when it’s not. Sexual frustration is a very real thing for a number of people: virgins, married, singles, old, young, men and women. It is even more frustrating for Christians because of the mental message that there is a fine line between holy and perverted. For Christians, feeling sexual desires and all it entails should be synonymous with healthy and normal.

Unveil Your Nakedness

(copied image:zanakaydotwordpress)

The woman’s body image is all the rage in the western societies. One cannot go too far without seeing a half-naked woman somewhere. Unfortunately for most of us women, there is a shortage of half-naked men running around to make the ogling field even . Nudity is the new black and the more one exposes, the more ’appreciated’ you are at least by men and perhaps lesbians. As much as there seem to be a clothing optional clause for females, most women are avoiding this even in the privacy of their own homes and in front of their spouses which is most disturbing.

There is a mixed message for us: the first message is the more skin you show the sexier you are. The second message is a woman have to fit into a certain size mold to be considered sexy. The truth is both those premises are false. What if things were reversed and women demanded a certain body type from men. The mold would look something like: At least 6′ 1″ tall, very well toned (2 pack minimum abs), being athletic would be a plus, a full head of hair, topped off with an at least slightly above average penis in length and girth. So, let’s think of all the men you know and see how many of them would fit nicely into that ideal.

This is not to say that both Christian men and women should ignore their bodies. The size issue is on two very extreme sides, the skinny vs the obese, which puts pressure on singles and married alike. It’s very interesting how society ended up with such a problem especially thinking about Adam and Eve who spent their days naked before the devil’s interruption.  Can you image Adam pointing out that Eve’s breasts needed to be a little bigger and she should work a little harder to slim down her big hips a bit?

Society has moved from being ultra conservative to being ultra open. The true image of the body has been distorted beyond repair and women are the ones mostly affected. How many times have you walked through a crowed mall or event to see a very fat, beer bellied, and less than ideal body male walking with a woman who looks like she has a gym membership and uses it faithfully. However, it can be guaranteed that the woman is one who is feeling insecure about how she looks. These overt messages create quite a havoc for the Christian woman.

There is nothing wrong with feeling comfortable with your naked body.  It takes practise. Afterall,   everyone of us was born without a stitch of clothing. At least once or twice throughout each day we are naked. An unhealthy body image puts a strain on every aspect of our lives. This carries over to future or current relationships. When was the last time you looked at your naked body in the mirror and did not find at least 3 faults?  The important question is when was the last time you actually looked at your naked body and appreciated what God had blessed?

Desperate Times, Ungodly Measures

(copied image:crimson crow.com)

 

Most people, while growing up, usually imagine their adult lives as an easily navigated road. Most people have a very clear plan of with whom, what, when and where their lives will take them. However, the cruel reality about being an adult as well as with Christian beliefs is that the roads are never always clear and smooth as imagined.  With the state of the economy and the direction of the ‘doom and gloom’ of this world, many Christians are finding themselves in some difficult situations. They are facing the reality of life that desperate times pushes them to think and even act on ungodly measures.

This is not the first or will it be the last time that Christians have faced difficulty either as a group or as part of a larger population. Most bible believers are taught to hold fast to prayer, fasting, and all things glorifying God in order to make the difficulties of their lives more bearable. It follows in the teaching of God will not give you more than you can carry. For each person, her load bearing capacity is different. Or is it more like every Christian’s load bearing capacity is the same but emotional, cognitive and spiritual will/determination are different?

The secular world has the opportunity to make choices from the ‘broad road’ when push comes to shove. For the secular world, morality can be easily over ridden to do what is in the best interest of the individual. It is the survival of the fittest scenario. Christians do not  or should not have that mentality. However, when those desperate times are not particularly followed by measures that are Godly, the human nature in every God worshipper starts to ponder on the ungodly measures as a means to survive. The doubt, the questioning, the bewilderment at God’s allowance of such difficulty and pain begins to drown out the thanksgiving, the praise, praying and worshipping.

The ‘narrow road’ to salvation is quite limiting. Such restrictions can make the believer wrestle with his brief or long moment of wanting to choose the opportunity that the ‘broad road’ offers despite the fact that it can easily lead to ‘destruction.’ It is not always easy to hold onto God or faith when things are too good or going bad. The desperate times truly pushes the boundaries of one’s faith and beliefs. Even though not one believer can tell another just how much load s/he is capable of bearing, it puts things in perspective when reflecting on the early Christians who were fed to the lions for sport. Talk about really desperate times and still choosing God.

What if God was a woman?

 

There is no doubt according to the Christian bible that God is a father and a man with a divine plan. There is no denying the male influence when He created Adam first (and Eve the after-thought to give comfort and help to the man), He divinely created an “only begotten Son,” and of course there is the distinct testosterone influence throughout the world. So, if you are a Christian, there is only a God and absolutely no goddess in the spiritual hierarchy.

The bible talks about God in quite a few different light throughout the old and the new testament: the loving God, the vengeful God, the angry God, and the forgiving God. So here is a brain teaser what if God was a woman? What would be different? Would she be equally “quick to wrath” and proclaims she is a “vengeful God” or would she be more forgiving “seventy times seven” or a combination like a “double edge sword?” Would she create her only begotten daughter and give her a cross that includes beatings, piercings and ultimately a humiliating death on a cross?

The image of a female conjures up something very different from our “Holy Father who art in heaven.” There is the image that when her and Satania had a fight instead of banishment due to treason, the events might have been different to prevent an all out war of the angels. Satania and her would have gone off in their perspective corners to vent to their host of mixed gendered angels and later come back together over a cup of sinfully delicious tea to talk about their differences. It might have gone something like this: Satania ”Goddess, I am so sorry for being such a demanding snake, could you forgive me?. Goddess “I am your Goddess. If you have a problem, you need to come to me so we can reason together. I will not tolerate disobedience. I will forgive you this time.” Satania would then bow to her creator and there would be peace amongst the heavenly beings. There would have been singing and rejoicing in heaven from the celestial mass choir.

In the old testament, God’s character was depicted as a very angry, warlike, and vengeful God. I recognize that I might be stepping on the burning rocks of blasphemy but the old testament is filled with more bloodshed than praises. After years of wandering and waiting, in comes the new testament with the 70′s feel of love, peace, and forgiveness “Father forgive them because they know not what they do.” Jesus’ character was depicted as the opposite of his Father’s. He was much more open to including others in the salvation process as equally as any blue blooded Jewish decendant.

Just imagine if God was a woman, then the Garden of Eden scenario might have played out differently. She might have banished any deceptorcons from her pristine paradise, gave the evil enticer its own domain to rule, and whomever wants to follow can do so at their own choosing. Maybe, if someone decided to repent of their wayward ways, it would not involve a sometimes confusing 2000+ years of trying to figure out if you are walking the narrow or broad road. The goddess might have made the process less like a bloody multilevel video game but with some very clear and immediate rules.

One cannot help but wonder how different the divine plan would be if the spiritual hierarchy had some major feminine influence. The bible has never indicated that the heavenly all-male club has any hint of a female angel hiding in the closet. Then again, the bible does not elaborate that much on the intricate details of heavenly life (except in some brief description of logistics in revelation).  Either way, Christians are instructed to have patience and hope because heaven will be a 180 degree difference from the hell on earth.