14 comments on “The Down-low of Gay and Hiding

  1. There is someone in the church who everyone thinks is prefect in everyway. He is very outgoing and works so very hard taking care of the poor and the homeless and so on. But there is something just not right about the whole thing, something feels wrong. I have never seen him around a girl or speak to one. I am against dating for young people, but at this church they date. I try to help him when I can and be a Christian and even help with his projects that he starts. People tell him how wonderful he is and I did at first, but decided it was wrong to go about any one person so. Building up is one thing, yes. But I decided to watch and see if he was not doing soo many wonderful things to cover up something not so wonderful. How can someone be so out going and shy around girls? Afraid to ask the priest about it. Will just continue to watch and pray, but something is out of place here in the church.

    • Mick,
      I would not accuse anyone of any wrong doing out loud especially without any evidence. However, if you feel something is a little off then watch and pray and if possible try to be a friend (not just fact seeking friend) to that person. Interestingly, a lot of people have difficulty with the opposite sex. It is sometimes so much easier to do things for others like church projects than to say ‘hi’ to a girl or guy. It can be fear of rejection; fear of not being good enough or someone who is just not ready to involved with anyone or it may be as you suspect – he is gay. There could be a number of reasons for this person’s behaviors that would not readily make a lot a sense to someone looking from the outside

  2. Another issue I’m beginning to see (and sadly have experienced) is when the person is not down-low, so certain members of the church try to get them to turn around and marry hetero anyway, not considering or caring that a proposed spouse is the unwilling sacrificial lamb in this scenario!

    Really like your blog and the way you think. it’s refreshing and honest.

    • Thanks T, I think that certain religious members believe that if someone ‘fake it’ long enough then they will change. This is never the case and the innocent are usually the ones who suffer

  3. I just divorced my husband of 5 years that I found out was on the down liw. I had suspicions for 2-3 years, but he always had a lie to cover them with. Eventually, I got 100% proof though. I was devasted, like a bomb went off, I couldnt hear or feel or breathe. I basically felt dead. Then, the aftermath of the why and how I didnt know, how he could be so.cruel, and how will I ever ger tbrough this came. It has been a year…I still grieve, hurt and cry. Iam gettung a little better slowly. If jt.wasnt for being a christian, I could not make it.

    • Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine how you felt learning about your ex’s lies and betrayal. I do pray that you continue to heal and live your life to the best of your ability. The important thing is to know that you did not do anything wrong and you can and will recover.

  4. Pingback: The Asexual Christian Woman « Jess C Scott :: Author, Non-conformist, Artist

  5. Truth is most important. My husband was on the down low. And he was a pastor. He was not truthful with me or himself about his penchant for sleeping with young men. Yes, I asked the hard questions before marriage. Yes, I felt I vetted him out appropriately, but sex with the same sex is extremly taboo, hence the term down low. As believers and lovers of Christ we have to seek his face. Until we get that relationship right (with God) no other one will be right.

  6. This is one of many concerns with those wanting to marry–complete honesty is critical between husband and wife, but is simply never guaranteed. All any of us can do in the end is pray seriously about it and trust God for the outcome. Not rushing into marriage is also key, as is spending plenty of time asking the tough questions that need to be asked. For those who are gay and wanting to change, ministries like Exodus International are there to minister and help however they can–they simply point to God’s grace–something we are all in need of!

    • I know a lot of people believe that a person can change from gay to straight of which I am not a firm believer. So I do wonder about those Christian programs aiming at outcome and if the “conversion” is really true or for the benefit of the masses. This is one of those issues I truly leave in God’s hands

      • I think if you asked those who have experienced that change, they would say it’s genuine; though it doesn’t mean that they may never be tempted again. Like someone being rescued from alcoholism or pornography, it takes the grace of God to instill a change of the heart and mind, and daily surrender to Him.

  7. Being that you are a christian, I find it funny that you neglected to mention the most obvious, yet only answer to this issue: Pray and ask God!

    • Grace, I did not neglect to add “Pray and ask God.” I make an assumption that if you have a belief in God that is something you automatically would do first. I suppose that I take the issue that every believer prays for granted. Next time I will make sure to include that as the first solution to any problem.

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