(image copied from: http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2010/05/26/looking-for-lubricant/)
As the title of this blog indicates, I am single but not just single; I am pushing 36 and single. Wait, not just single; pushing 36 but also have Christian beliefs. Ouch! I think I have put myself in a precarious predicament. This situation will be refered to as the hard sell position. I happened to be reading a blog entitled, At 34, Am I a Hard Sell? and thought wow I think I am one of many women who are in that situation.
For some women, adding the biologically screaming clock to the equation just makes matters worst and maybe downright depressing. The hard sell position implies that as single women over 30, we are not as desirable to the general population of men as before. We have aged out of the category to be able to compete for good mate worthy men. This hard sell position can be attributed to a change in the cultural standards for dating which have been shifting by a disturbing tide. Apparently, women over 30 are just not as appealing as their younger and nubile 20′s counterparts. Damnations to Hollywood and their brain washing. It is very obvious that super young is in and the big 3-0+ is so far over the hill we are out of sight. I have no intention of bashing my younger sisters but I do have to say that with age comes maturity and stability that many younger women are lacking. I should know because in my twenties I was lacking the desire to be stable despite being mature.
Older women are being chastised for waiting too long to settle down. It is very much our fault for not wanting to be hogtied by the age of 25 when we had everything going for us. Boo, I say. This has been an irritatingly pervasive argument from many and some women are kicking themselves for not grabbing the opportunity when they had it. However, the issue that this view-point fails to address is that commitment is something a person has to be ready to embrace. There are enough stories of people marrying and having children when they were not ready for such long-term stability. Being settled just for settling sake is a flawed logic. Thinking back during my college days, I had, at my fingertips, an oasis of single christian bachelor. If I were smart, I should have tried to reel one in before graduation. The problem is I was not ready just like many women were not in their 20′s. I can guarantee that my life after college was not conducive to having a stable relationship and I could not picture myself being hitched to anything.
During their twenties, many women are finding themselves and discovering their strengths and weaknesses. They are forging character and careers. They are learning to be women. The men are usually out sowing their wild oats (christian and secular) and therefore would not have been a suitable choice. Men have the luxury of waiting until they need Viagra before settling and they never have to face the wrath of bachelor criticism. They, especially the ones who are financially secure, can easily pick up a fresh young one at any time despite them being out of shape, balding and all. On the thorny side of the bush, the spinsters can not even come close unless they are willing to put their bodies through the wringer in order to emulate someone who is their junior.
Is it wrong for women to wait to settle down? No, absolutely not! Many women become better with age - that whole fine wine analogy - and we grow into excellent partners which are huge advantages over the young nubiles. We have so much more to offer in a relationship and as mothers. However, despite all of our wonderful goodness, many women will continue to be single as they inadvertently compete with the younger and more fertile 20 something crowd. Here’s to hoping that the tide will change back to our favour.
29 March 2012
HarleyQ2
11 responses to “Is it Wrong for Women to Wait to Settle Down?”
ebwatkins73
April 20th, 2012 at 10:07
The dating scene is a nightmare. One thing I think women need to remember is that the decent men…the ones you most likely would want to date and settle down with…are just as nervous and scared about rejection as you are. A lot of times, it isn’t that you are not date worthy. A lot of times it is some guy is interested in you and he is horrified that you will say no and reject him. Decent guys are out there just as decent girls are out there. Ladies…don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with some guy or even ask him out. I know the old school method of the guy should initiate all of those sorts of things…but that is a tremendous amount of pressure on a man. Good men want to date good women just like good women want to date good men. And all of the good men aren’t married. Last little piece of advice…think about how high a standard you may be setting for someone who you might date. My girlfriend and I have both discussed how under normal circumstances, we might never have given each other a second thought…yet we have now been together almost 9 months. You just never know. Don;t be afraid to take a risk every now and then.
HarleyQ2
April 20th, 2012 at 11:50
Great advice EB. “he is horrified that you will say no and reject him” I think most of us women don’t always think about this part. It is the expectation that if the guy is interested, then he will be confident enough to approach. Trying to start a relationship is definitely a risk taking game
SF Kim
April 18th, 2012 at 17:12
I’m an older woman (40s) who’s never married. Sometimes I feel bad about that but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had married any of the guys I dated in my 20s and 30s, I’d be divorced today. I’m just not the same person I was back then. Sometimes I wonder if it’s better to be divorced than never married. How messed up is that! I feel like there is a stigma against someone who’s made it into their 40s and never married but there’s not much I can do about it at this point. I’m still hopeful but who knows.
HarleyQ2
April 18th, 2012 at 17:35
Yes there tend to be a stigma for people who have not been beatened down by life before they hit 35+. It is funny how life is when you make careful choices with your life then people question your decisions. I would not want to be a divorcee at all – so much baggage comes with that. I think most single people, no matter the age, are in your shoes – still hopeful. Afterall, we are not dead yet so why not have hope
Michael Rees
June 21st, 2012 at 11:55
Yes, I have been married and divorced twice in my life, being my fault for not knowing them long enough. Religion (Mormonism and Christianity) now tell you NOT to explore sexual matters with the opposite gender. I have been basically alone for twenty-one years and am looking for a friend, companionship with a younger female like your age group; for I am healthy, exercise and am in great shape physically despite my age of 63. I look like 50-53 as one woman I talked to told me as I asked her. I changed a lot and continue changing, but believe in treating women with respect and honesty. I am learning a lot about the female sexuality and being feminine. Sex and similar area of closeness is important also, but develops on its own. Michael. – get in touch.
Kathryn Leigh
March 30th, 2012 at 18:50
At some point in ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, someone says something to the effect of, “I thought early marriage was a sign of second-rate goods that had to be sold quickly.”
HarleyQ2
March 30th, 2012 at 21:26
Kathryn, LOL that is an interesting take on the issue
lookingforapurpose
March 29th, 2012 at 19:29
I happen to like older women myself but even the women you are talking about don’t like me lol So where does that put me?
HarleyQ2
March 29th, 2012 at 20:16
I don’t know. Sometimes Older women want to be with men their own age. It could be a compatibility thing. It is hard to tell. Being rejected a few women, does not mean there is not someone else out there.
Israel
March 29th, 2012 at 20:32
Well i am not that much younger than 30 lol.
True but if these women were looking for a guy why am i not even date worthy to them? Am i just some kind of werido or something?
HarleyQ2
March 29th, 2012 at 22:00
Israel, don’t be too hard on yourself. The dating scene can be quite stressful. You have to keep trying until you find Ms Compatibile