In those days, such modesty and innocence were truly a blessing. The bible talks about plucking out an eye that could lead a person to evil. I is reasonable to infer that the verse was making reference to lusting, envy etc. I do have to say that if the bible was literal about removing the offending body part, then I would be blind many times over .

The place that does create such a dilemma   is none other than the gym. It is a smorgasbord of hard bodies, good-looking men trying to make themselves look even better. Unfortunately, my offending eyes can’t seem to stop staring . It never occurred to me how much we all let it hang out at the gym-as little clothing as possible and everyone is showing off their best bodies. There is something about seeing good looking men work so hard (because the average man tend to do much less at home). I became aware (in my single-minded universe) that I was NOT the only woman who made note (but not ogling) of these men performing incredible feats, on contraptions like the pull up bar, quite alluring.

The funny thing about all that lust floating around in the gym is that each person-married, single or dating has equal opportunity eye candy time. Yes, it’s all about the eye candy. In the real world, most of us would not be given a 2nd glance but in the gym all is fair in people watching.  This is the one place in which no one cares about the marital status of the visually appealing specimens. I can not speak on the behalf of the men in this situation-because I barely take note of the women in the gym but I would think that they too may have issues with their eyes.

So, with this seemingly harmless place providing a table full of lustful delicacies, should Christians avoid gyms? Can we take it one step further and ban all Christians from men swim meet, body building competitions and anything that harbours a group of good-looking, well-build bodies dressed in outfits that leaves everything to the imagination? Is the ballet just downright pornographic????

Despite my sabbatical from direct religious involvement, I do understand the power of prayer. Prayer not for the lost or that the world will become suddenly peaceful but prayer for strength to continue despite all the madness. I realize that whether someone blames God or praises God the truth is we have no power to change or stop things from happening. The only power we possess is the ability to gather our strength and whatever faith you have and move forward.

It’s interesting that people in other countries live with similar tragedies on a regular basis-which is sad when you think of it. For us, who have a somewhat peaceful enough existence, such craziness is very hard to fathom. In moments like these, it is easy to lose oneself in despair but for the Christians who believe in something more, then there is at least a slight glimmer of hope for some inner peace because of our beliefs.

No matter what the level of one’s faith or church attendance, prayer is a free and open line to God. It is usually the easiest tool to use in a Christian’s arsenal to bolster us when the world becomes more crazy than usual. We have the ability to pray for the families affected by both tragedies and the tool to pray that a whole city come together to help each other. Despite the US fight against public declaration of Christianity, one of the first things that people tend to do is pray and call on the local religious leader for spiritual strength. I guess it would be fair to say that the US has become closet Christians who are only allowed out in public after tragedies. Whatever the status, it is good to see that active or dormant Christians have not forgotten the power of prayer.

The Christians who are familiar with their bible should see the direction in which I am heading with this post titled ”If your mate offends you, then.” This is a variation on the theme of Matt. 18: 8-9 in which Jesus made statements that if something offends you then  cut it (him/her) loose. Harder said than done isn’t it?

I was having a discussion with a male coworker who made the statement that he does not understand why bad men always get together with good women and treat them badly. I promptly responded that men are allowed to behave badly because the women practice the 70 x 7 forgiveness concept. This is when a woman of good character continues to forgive and accept a mate with bad behaviors. The results of this 70 x 7 forgiveness concept are the bad behaviors continue and the offending partner never learns consequences due to ”sparing the rod and spoiling the child.”

Disclaimer: This is not a male bashing post. The bad behaviors are practiced by both men and women; however, men seem to be the offending partner most of the time while the women are more accepting of bad behaviors.

The male coworker was also speaking from experience. He too had been one of those men and it took years before he finally realized the error of his ways. Even though he had been married for over 20 something years to his now deceased wife, he had given her hell for most of those years. A lesson to be learned is that a large number of marriages are never always pretty from the inside!

Men/women who behave badly did not just wake up one day and became relationship terrorists. They displayed these behaviors right after the first few ‘get to know you’ dates were over. So, if a woman sees these things early in the relationship, then why does she continue to choose the bumpy, crying, upset, angry road? Is being single such a death sentence? Is it better to be coupled with trouble than to be single?

Being in a bad relationship is like playing the slots machine (do they still call them slots?). The person with character can rely on intermittent winnings and she continues to hold on to hope that every play will win her the jackpot for life. However, the issue with gambling is, the players will always lose more over time in comparison to what they have ‘won.’

Women are so accepting of the ‘hanging in there’ idea to the point in which their spirits are damaged in the process. For some, it is damaged beyond repair and for others it takes lots of mending. So why not cut loose the offending party? Why torture yourself with someone whom you know perpetually and intentionally offends you? Well, like the parable of the offending hand and eye, the offenders serve a purpose. The offending party serves as a self-esteem booster because you are not single like those other pathetic people; the offending party provides a sense of comfort in which occasionally the person can be reliable; the offending party gives the sense that you are not completely alone in life; and the offending party is the evil that you know.

The good character women/men are NOT  victims. They are willing participants in this heartbreaking cycle. They still have enough strength to be able to handle the crap that is thrown at them. Their spirits are not defeated as yet.  I told my coworker that these ‘bad guys’ have life quite easy. They know that there are always women out there  willing to put up with their foolishness. This means the bad guy does not care that he leaves a trail of broken spirits behind because there is always one more waiting.

As women, we allow bad behaviors from men. We allow ourselves to be abused physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally because of a lack of self-confidence and unstable self-esteem. As Christian women, God gives us something else to rely on in order to draw confidence and self-worth; however, the pressure of being married to or in a relationship with someone (good or bad) outweighs the big picture.

I have to thank a commenter on making me think about that very dreadful feeling of “anger” when it comes to God. I have posted quite a few thing in regards to the Christian Deity but never have I admitted to ever being angry. Why is that?

I would venture to say that using the phrase “angry with God” is equivalent to “I don’t believe in God.” I was taught to never be angry with God or at least never to say it out loud. Most Christians are the same way. When tragedy strikes God-fearing people, they will become angry at everyone else but when it comes to their feelings towards God, they are more subdued or suppressed.

When someone admits to such a strong feeling towards the Creator, then another Christian will quickly squash that thought because ‘you can’t be angry with God.’ Ummmm…. Why can’t I be angry with God? Afterall, it is one of those natural feelings even the bible says that God exhibited. Jesus was not mildly perturbed by the money changers in the temple, he was pissed and even became physical. So, if this is a feeling two of the Godhead can express, then why can’t a Christian be angry but not just angry – angry with God?

We are taught that God controls everything and therefore when something good happens we say thanks. So does it stand to reason that when something bad happens we can be angry with HIM? Or is that against the Christian-God rules governing our relationship?

Well here is my truth. I have been angry with, disappointed with, frustrated with, happy with, and thankful to God. I have experienced a gamut of emotions all pointed towards the Big Guy In-Charge. I have expectations of God and when I don’t see them then I experience those unpleasant emotions. I have not quit waiting on God for some thing. However, for the most part, I just chose to continue to make the best choices and if God wants something else from me then he is certainly  capable of letting me know. If I am on the right track, then he is still certainly capable of letting me know that too.

I have also quit listening to people who will say – if you STOP and wait for God… or  if you GO then God will…. The last time I checked God was OMNI-(add various suffix) and He will do what He will do. Afterall, if a God can have  someone swallowed by a whale and use the animal like a maritime vessel; a donkey talked to convey some pretty important message; the sun stood still and the universe did not go crashing in on itself; and the dead lived again then, He is certainly capable of handling me being pissed at Him every now and then.

I am even peeved at God sometimes for allowing the devil to have so much power to create so much misery. It’s like a parent allowing a spoiled child to run loose and create havoc before addressing the issue. So Yes!!! I do get angry with God and like most relationships I get over it until the next time.

As is customary, people make new years resolution. As is customary for me, I refuse to make any resolutions. Usually, my journal starts with Happy New Year (insert year) may this year be filled with Blessings or some such sentiments. It is not that I do not believe in resolutions but for some reason this year I decided to take things as it comes. I have found that any minor/major wish at the beginning of the year never quite come to fruition or it looks grossly distorted by Dec 31. I just might be cursed or something.

This year did not start with a hopeful bang but as I thank God for each day, I have decided to be more open and flexible (I think I might have said that last year too). I guess when you get older life seems to repeat itself and not always the good things. Last year, I moved across country, dumped a career that was emotionally draining, was unemployed way longer than expected, turn down a somewhat idealish job for one that has turned out to be wayyy below expectations in every sense of the word BUT I am still thankful to be employed, alive, and had only one loss in the family.

Again, nothing turned out the way I expected it to be… Nada. So with that kind of track record, I have decided to let God do His best or worst. People keep writing, quoting and shouting that God is in charge and He knows what’s best etc etc etc. So instead of making any concrete plans for the near or far future, I have decided that I will let go and see what happens this year. By nature, I am a planner, organizer and like things to go in a certain order. I figure that all my planning has not paid off in the ways I expected so giving up the reigns may show some improvement.

I do have to be honest that I don’t fully trust that God will do any better to make this year rosier. I believe that he has the power to make all things bright and beautiful (taken from a song) but that is not always the case (Connecticut massacre right before Christmas). Yes! yes! I know the die-hard Christians will say I don’t have enough faith even as big as a mustard seed (bible reference) so what do I expect. Well that’s the thing, I have no expectation for the worst or the better. I am in the frame of mind that ‘que sera sera’ what ever he wants it to be will be-good, bad, pretty or ugly.

This is the year of one day at a time with minimal expectation. Who knows- by the end of the year (God’s will I am still alive and well) I will be back in church full time or further down the path of separation and therefore destruction.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY THIS YEAR BE FILLED WITH MANY BLESSINGS AND BETTER THAN THE LAST

There were two incidents in church that just rubbed me the wrong way as a single and somewhat-Christian woman. The first was a young woman giving a thank-God-life-has-been-good-and-God-gave-me-everything-I-wanted-testimony. I have to say I do like those God did good things for me messages. Her testimony included being married and pregnant in the same year. Great for her!! (and I mean it sincerely). However, in the next breath (here is the thing that irritated me) she went on to say, in hopes of being encouraging, that God should be our all. He is all we need for a partner, for love, comfort etc. In essence, God should be the ‘it’ of our lives and those who did not get what they wanted should be okay with just God.

While I understand the importance of God in a Christian’s life, I do take offence to those people who first pointed out that they wanted more than just God and got it; however, for the rest of us poor single nonpregnant people, we should be satisfied with only God. The hypocrisy is so glaring that it makes you want to scream “you would not be saying that if you didn’t get_____.” It is almost like a poor you sucker message. God gave me my mate and a family but since you are not as fortunate then God is all you need. I don’t know if people are that insensitive because they are self-absorbed or they are trying, but failing badly, to give hope to others. Either way, just stick to your praise and testimony and shut the hell up if you don’t know what to say to those who were not so abundantly blessed.

The second issue that came up in church was the pastor assumption that because two people are single then they will naturally make a good match. If becoming coupled was as easy as 1-2-3, then we would all be in long and happy marriages. The pastor’s mistake is a common one that many people (especially those that are coupled) tend to perpetuate. There is this prevailing assumption that 1 + 1 will =2. Obviously, there is more to making a good connection with someone than their marital status-this is something many single people are very aware of from their relationship misadventures.

A single status is only one criteria when a Christian single is searching for a mate. Being single, as a friend points out, does NOT mean available. It is always sarcastically amusing when someone you know tells you that she knows this person who is single and you two should get together. The next question is ‘tell me about him/her’. The reply usually goes along these lines: s/he is a nice person but I don’t know that much about person X except that s/he is single. This is the what the ****** moment. So what your misguided friend or family is saying is that I am desperate to be with anyone because I am single! I am not implying that these random get togethers could not work out (probably the same percentage as internet dating) but the idea that just because we are two single people then we are bound to hitting-it-off. Really!!!! I say again really!!!!!

The older Christian single status is a very tricky place to navigate. If church people are not being condescending, then they are trying to get you coupled. It is hard to tell church members to piss-off but instead you graciously grin and bear these subtle insults which are wrapped in well-meaning intentions (or not).  The best defense is to try and find the humor in silly situations like these. I recognize these faux pas  frequency could cause a Christian single to momentarily forget her lady-like manners and say something very unchristian  . I do believe that most singles can express themselves quite clearly and if we need your opinions or blind interventions, we can speak up about that too.

Whenever children are involved in these horrors, it makes the tragedy even more heart wrenching. Children are young and innocent. The bible says that we have to be like a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This childlike state is in reference to their innocence-something we seem to lose as we age or when touched by the ugliness of this world.  The survivors are forever marred by such an event. It saddens me to know that many of those children will have emotional scars for a very long time. This should not be the life for the young and the innocent.

As I listened to President Obama’s somber and tearful speech, I made note of one very interesting thing he said. He refered to a passage in the bible “May God bless the memory of the victims and, in the words of Scripture, heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.” I have to say I was blown away by this because of the downward spiral of the religious state of the country.

There are times, it seem, that every religious related thing is haggled over, judged, sent into court bla bla bla and then censored. However, to hear the leader of the free world quoting the bible and not having a bunch of non christians or non religious people threatening to file suit, it was refreshing. I can imagine how his speech writers might have had a heart attack and tried to discuss the negatives of referencing the bible.

There is some hope that despite all the craziness in this world God can be used in an appropriate context by politicians and that America has not flatlined God. It is nice to see a blip on the radar coming from those in power-there is some hope that God is not completely dead in the free world.

It so happened that on one of those unremarkable days I left the gym early because “I was not feeling the need to workout.” On my way home, I came to an accident that probably just happened a few minutes before I arrived. Cars were steaming and one was on fire (a small fire that was put out), car parts were strewn across the 4 lane road and a few people were on their cell phones while one or two ran over to the car that was in the middle of the road.

Like myself, many people pulled off to the side of the road and waited. I was not sure what I was waiting for… I decided after a few moments that I would just drive by because it seemed that a number of people “appeared” to be stopping to help. Just to interject a little social psychology, the thought that when multiple people witness an incident,  each person expects that the next individual would do something ie. call the cops, go to help etc is called the bystander effect. This phrase came from the Kitty Genovese murder that happened in the 60′s in which people heard her cries for help but no one called 911 because each person assumed his/her neighbour already called. Here I was looking at a recent accident and implementing the bystander effect – ‘surely someone else will stop to help these people so I don’t have to.’

Most of us know the parable of the good Samaritan. Most of us know that a few people stopped, gawked and walked by because they did not think it was their job to get involved. I understand quite well the feeling of not wanting to get involved – frankly it disrupts my day, it  can be very time-consuming, and then again you never know what you may get into.

That day, which was quickly turning into a dark evening as well as the fact that I was feeling tired and wanted to get home before it was dark (I hate driving at night), I decided that walking by was not the right thing to do. I decided to play the role of the good Samaritan along with a few other people. The decision became clear when at the moment I realized that most people actually stopped to gawk but never left their cars (bystander effect) and the other car involved in the accident had a person trapped inside. I just could not pass by; I needed to become involved.

Needless to say that once I got to the car with a 60 yr old woman with multicolored hair who was trapped and in pain, the issues of driving at night, feeling too tired or loss of personal time was not an issue. It was all about this woman who needed the help of strangers and few of us answered her call. It was quite moving to see the support that people can give to each other in times of crisis.

I really can’t say that I made a difference at the scene when I suggested that they use her blanket to cover her or when I decided to put her glasses back on her face because I thought she might need to see (I wear glasses so I understood the importance of seeing).  I acknowledge that my role was very insignificant; however, I would do it all over again because for that moment in time, someone else needed my support and full attention. It was not all about me and my needs.

I received no medals of commendations or pats on the back or anything such things (except for a few Facebook friends’ kind words); I slipped away from the scene when I was sure she was in good hands with the first responders. Choosing to become involved in someone else’s life is a risky venture. In this day and age, being a good Samaritan can get you killed and sometimes by the person you are trying to help. Thank God, that in this case, multicoloured-hair grandmother (who looked a lot  younger than her age of 60) did not appear to suffer any life threatening injuries and everyone who stopped to help did not meet with any harm. All in all, it was a good moment to choose to be a good Samaritan.

When I am in a good mood, I totally understand that concept. However, when I am in an anti-christianity mood, then my first thoughts are that this is complete b.s. because in church you are surrounded and have to interact with these people (good, bad or in between).  Anyways, one Christian had such a strong verbal expression of her faith that I could not help but think she probably put people off. I also could not help but note that she has set herself up for a fall because of a legalistic view of Christianity. The ironic thing is her house is in a bit of a mess.  The other christian has fallen back to smoking. He shows a conniving contempt for his boss and he has a loose tongue to quickly share ie. gossip about others.

I can’t help but find the humor with these two people. My mother is right. We are all humans who are very fallible (some more so than others) and if we stare too long at the professed Christians, we will lose sight of the purpose of Christianity. I am certainly not in a place to judge anyone (now or ever) because I am one of the ‘more so fallibles.’ It’s actually quite refreshing to admit to being a terrible sinner with one foot in to hell

Don’t get me wrong! I am not reveling in my current fallen status. I am just aware and admitting that there is nothing perfect about me. Actually everything is imperfect. It is funny how as professed christians we tend to deny our ‘evil’ side and  extensively promote the ‘holier than thou’ status.  I am slowly starting accept that professed Christians are not as perfect as they portray. I am not as disappointment or surprised when one of the flock behaves badly. I do wonder if they have admitted to themselves that they are in denial about their minor sins/almost perfect status.

I still am not sure how much closer I am to getting myself back to church. The calling has not hit yet but on rare occasions a fleeting thought crosses my mind. Despite my withdrawal, prayer continues to be a daily part of my life – a habit I just can’t give up.

Here is my religious struggle. I have stopped attending church on a regular basis because I just don’t want to be there and I am having some serious questions about the bible. I do visit a church on occasion (when I visit my church-going parents) and I do acknowledge that some of the messages are pretty good. However, I am becoming an unbeliever in the word-for-word bible. I do unwaveringly believe that a God exists and he created the things we see but the details which are laid out by the Christian bible (any religion as a matter of fact) seems a bit fuzzy.

I have realized that faith in one’s religion takes a lot of gusto, trusting, and naivety. It’s like that passage in which Jesus states that you have to be like a child to enter into the kingdom of heaven. He was right. Children believe a lot of things without question. It is only when we question that we (I) start scratching my head thinking W-H-A-T??? Interestingly, the same bible encourages the believers to test and see ‘if it is true.’ Unfortunately, my testing has led to more questions that no one seems to be able to answer.

I recognize that this could be a phase (a very long phase) but I have no intention of denying my ambiguity about the bible and religion. I am not ready to toss out the bible and neither am I willing to venture to the dark side of atheism. Something just seems ‘rotten in Denmark’ but the alternative to walk away does not seem right either. What to do? What to do?

With all that being said, the true face of Christianity is quite majestic: The caring for others; The willingness to call a stranger brother or sister;  The sense that there is so much more to life than what the eye can see. Ironically, I have not given up prayer. It is quite a comforting practise-afterall, I do believe in the existence of a God who can see and hear. The essence or the ‘spirit’ of religion is hard to resist in such a f-up world. It’s almost like a peace in the midst of chaos. I guess that’s the part I find very difficult to give up despite my questioning.