The average Christian who have been around Christendom for sometime should have heard a pastor’s speech on the virtuous woman. In case you were out that day, the Virtuous Woman’s description is laid out in Proverbs 31: 10-31. Yeah! almost a whole chapter dedicated to what a good religious woman should be. No, this is not sarcasm. If you read those verses, it describes a kind, smart, industrious, faithful, thoughtful and strong woman. She is the kind of woman I would pray to be (there is still quite a bit of work to be done on me). A man who finds a woman like that has found someone “…far above rubies.” vs 10.
While it’s all good and well that we have a laundry list of what to be, I often wonder what a Virtuous Man’s characteristics should entail. Let’s transition now to the male counterpart of this virtuous woman. Let’s dig through the bible for the virtuous man. In 1 Timothy 3 1:13 it outlined a few things that are for men who want to be in religious office but could easily be for any man. So let me take some time to flush out a few qualities the bible has suggested of a quality virtuous man.
A virtuous man should have one wife. Doesn’t every woman want a man who has only one wife/one girlfriend/one fiance/one love interest/one sex partner who should be you? In this day and age, the men are reverting back to the practice of the old testament in which they juggled a few women at a time. A virtuous man will not have a #1 (because this suggest a number #2) but have a one and only.
A man should be sober. Now this is a little tricky. Man culture seems to encourage a drunken state during any and all social gatherings. It is almost a rite of passage for men to drink until their speech are slurred. While I have nothing against social drinking, it would be nice to have a Virtuous man who knows when it’s time to stop.
A virtuous man can be patient. We women can definitely test a man’s patience. It’s written in our DNA :-) So wouldn’t it be nice when it’s that time of the month, the fight with the best girlfriend, picking a romantic kissy-face movie, and being flustered about ‘does this dress make me look fat’, that the Virtuous man knows how to go with the flow instead of running for cover?
A virtuous man should be able to appreciate you daily. Solomon (ironically he had a 1000 women) had a way with words that could make any seasoned woman blush (chp 4). Wouldn’t it be nice if the Virtuous man can expressed in modern-day language that “thou hast ravished my heart,… my spouse (vs 9). How much better is thy love than wine!” (vs 10) on days that are not Valentines, Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas and after any life changing trauma?
Let’s discuss some more traits that are practical for the 21st century. A virtuous man should be financially prudent. “Bling” “image” “living large” are all common place words today. Some men are so focused on their car, buying expensive items, and the 50+ inch tv to fit their mancave but are behind on paying their bills and are deeply in debt. A virtuous man needs to handle his finances wisely (can we say credit report and credit score before any legal matrimony).
A virtuous man should know how to take care of himself. Back in the day, it was not a man’s job to learn how to cook, clean up after himself, and to be a fully involved parent. In this day of gender liberation, too many men are either looking for women who can be a surrogate mother, a maid, a nanny or a combination of all three. I understand that there are some women who want to play these roles (good for you!); however, an adult male over the age of 25 who has moved out of his mother’s home should be able to care for himself and his own place.Think about this – A mentally or physically handicap person is considered semi/independent when s/he can demonstrate self-care and daily life skills. For the average man, this too should be a requirement. Too many men are reliant on women to care of them while they are not taking the interest to return the favor such as cook a meal, wash the dishes, do the laundry, and maintain a home. It may seem funny when a woman has to be away that she must color code the pre-cooked food in Tupperware and leave specific instructions on what to do to keep the home running; but it shows a very obvious deficit in the capability of the man. The issue is if you need to be taken care of due to illness etc, then he is clueless. The other option would be to get involve with a man who has enough money to pay for a surrogate mother, maid and nanny if you should ever be out of commission. (Yep! this is my pet peeve).
A virtuous man needs to learn the power of communication. Strong and silent equals divorce and dysfunctional relationships. While I enjoy John Wayne and Arnold S who are men of action but with few words, in real life, communication makes the relationship stronger. Silence shows weakness not strength.
A virtuous man knows exactly what he wants. The growing issue of men being confused about what they want before they initiate a relationship is quite baffling. It’s like ordering a meal and then wavering whether you want to eat or not. A virtuous man will understand that a woman is not for his immediate pleasure and she is not something to be tossed later. A virtuous man will know that he is ready and then engage or he knows that he is not ready and says so respectfully (communication) or not initiate.
A virtuous man will understand what he has to offer. A virtuous man will know that he brings more to the table than a paycheck and his penis. He will know his self-worth, his strengths, his weaknesses, his morals, and has a clear enough direction about where he would like his life to go and work towards that as much as possible.
Women are always under pressure to be one thing or another. It is about time that we hold men to a standard above barest minimum. We choose our partners ; therefore, the character of our mate is also a reflection of our character. What other traits did I fail to mention?