The Prayer of Comfort

In the recent week, there had been two mass casualty events –  the Boston bombing and the fertilizer plant explosion in Texas. Most Christians will point to these things as the ‘sign of the times’ or ‘Jesus is near.’ Other radicals will point to this as America’s punishment for sins. People will use tragedy to further their cause – pro/against guns, closing the borders, hate another religion, blame the government etc. However, the average Christian, who have picked up a bible at some point in their lives will understand the power of prayer.

Despite my sabbatical from direct religious involvement, I do understand the power of prayer. Prayer not for the lost or that the world will become suddenly peaceful but prayer for strength to continue despite all the madness. I realize that whether someone blames God or praises God the truth is we have no power to change or stop things from happening. The only power we possess is the ability to gather our strength and whatever faith you have and move forward.

It’s interesting that people in other countries live with similar tragedies on a regular basis-which is sad when you think of it. For us, who have a somewhat peaceful enough existence, such craziness is very hard to fathom. In moments like these, it is easy to lose oneself in despair but for the Christians who believe in something more, then there is at least a slight glimmer of hope for some inner peace because of our beliefs.

No matter what the level of one’s faith or church attendance, prayer is a free and open line to God. It is usually the easiest tool to use in a Christian’s arsenal to bolster us when the world becomes more crazy than usual. We have the ability to pray for the families affected by both tragedies and the tool to pray that a whole city come together to help each other. Despite the US fight against public declaration of Christianity, one of the first things that people tend to do is pray and call on the local religious leader for spiritual strength. I guess it would be fair to say that the US has become closet Christians who are only allowed out in public after tragedies. Whatever the status, it is good to see that active or dormant Christians have not forgotten the power of prayer.

 

 

 

Angry with God

                             (copied image from: toholdnothing.blogspot.com)

 

I have to thank a commenter on making me think about that very dreadful feeling of “anger” when it comes to God. I have posted quite a few thing in regards to the Christian Deity but never have I admitted to ever being angry. Why is that?

I would venture to say that using the phrase “angry with God” is equivalent to “I don’t believe in God.” I was taught to never be angry with God or at least never to say it out loud. Most Christians are the same way. When tragedy strikes God-fearing people, they will become angry at everyone else but when it comes to their feelings towards God, they are more subdued or suppressed.

When someone admits to such a strong feeling towards the Creator, then another Christian will quickly squash that thought because ‘you can’t be angry with God.’ Ummmm…. Why can’t I be angry with God? Afterall, it is one of those natural feelings even the bible says that God exhibited. Jesus was not mildly perturbed by the money changers in the temple, he was pissed and even became physical. So, if this is a feeling two of the Godhead can express, then why can’t a Christian be angry but not just angry – angry with God?

We are taught that God controls everything and therefore when something good happens we say thanks. So does it stand to reason that when something bad happens we can be angry with HIM? Or is that against the Christian-God rules governing our relationship?

Well here is my truth. I have been angry with, disappointed with, frustrated with, happy with, and thankful to God. I have experienced a gamut of emotions all pointed towards the Big Guy In-Charge. I have expectations of God and when I don’t see them then I experience those unpleasant emotions. I have not quit waiting on God for some thing. However, for the most part, I just chose to continue to make the best choices and if God wants something else from me then he is certainly  capable of letting me know. If I am on the right track, then he is still certainly capable of letting me know that too.

I have also quit listening to people who will say – if you STOP and wait for God… or  if you GO then God will…. The last time I checked God was OMNI-(add various suffix) and He will do what He will do. Afterall, if a God can have  someone swallowed by a whale and use the animal like a maritime vessel; a donkey talked to convey some pretty important message; the sun stood still and the universe did not go crashing in on itself; and the dead lived again then, He is certainly capable of handling me being pissed at Him every now and then.

I am even peeved at God sometimes for allowing the devil to have so much power to create so much misery. It’s like a parent allowing a spoiled child to run loose and create havoc before addressing the issue. So Yes!!! I do get angry with God and like most relationships I get over it until the next time.

God Is Not Completly Flatlined

First off, I have to send condolences to the families of the victims in the Newtown school tragedy. It has become so frequent to hear of monsters or agents of evil who obviously want to commit suicide but deciding to kill  others before doing the right thing and killing themselves.

Whenever children are involved in these horrors, it makes the tragedy even more heart wrenching. Children are young and innocent. The bible says that we have to be like a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This childlike state is in reference to their innocence-something we seem to lose as we age or when touched by the ugliness of this world.  The survivors are forever marred by such an event. It saddens me to know that many of those children will have emotional scars for a very long time. This should not be the life for the young and the innocent.

As I listened to President Obama’s somber and tearful speech, I made note of one very interesting thing he said. He refered to a passage in the bible “May God bless the memory of the victims and, in the words of Scripture, heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.” I have to say I was blown away by this because of the downward spiral of the religious state of the country.

There are times, it seem, that every religious related thing is haggled over, judged, sent into court bla bla bla and then censored. However, to hear the leader of the free world quoting the bible and not having a bunch of non christians or non religious people threatening to file suit, it was refreshing. I can imagine how his speech writers might have had a heart attack and tried to discuss the negatives of referencing the bible.

There is some hope that despite all the craziness in this world God can be used in an appropriate context by politicians and that America has not flatlined God. It is nice to see a blip on the radar coming from those in power-there is some hope that God is not completely dead in the free world.

Church Goers Vs Christians

In the last month or so, I had the pleasure of observing two professed Christians/church goers. It was not an intentional surveillance but nevertheless I could not help but reflect on something my mother said to me. Due to my lengthy absence from church, she always says that I should not look at the people because we go to church to serve God.

When I am in a good mood, I totally understand that concept. However, when I am in an anti-christianity mood, then my first thoughts are that this is complete b.s. because in church you are surrounded and have to interact with these people (good, bad or in between).  Anyways, one Christian had such a strong verbal expression of her faith that I could not help but think she probably put people off. I also could not help but note that she has set herself up for a fall because of a legalistic view of Christianity. The ironic thing is her house is in a bit of a mess.  The other christian has fallen back to smoking. He shows a conniving contempt for his boss and he has a loose tongue to quickly share ie. gossip about others.

I can’t help but find the humor with these two people. My mother is right. We are all humans who are very fallible (some more so than others) and if we stare too long at the professed Christians, we will lose sight of the purpose of Christianity. I am certainly not in a place to judge anyone (now or ever) because I am one of the ‘more so fallibles.’ It’s actually quite refreshing to admit to being a terrible sinner with one foot in to hell

Don’t get me wrong! I am not reveling in my current fallen status. I am just aware and admitting that there is nothing perfect about me. Actually everything is imperfect. It is funny how as professed christians we tend to deny our ‘evil’ side and  extensively promote the ‘holier than thou’ status.  I am slowly starting accept that professed Christians are not as perfect as they portray. I am not as disappointment or surprised when one of the flock behaves badly. I do wonder if they have admitted to themselves that they are in denial about their minor sins/almost perfect status.

I still am not sure how much closer I am to getting myself back to church. The calling has not hit yet but on rare occasions a fleeting thought crosses my mind. Despite my withdrawal, prayer continues to be a daily part of my life – a habit I just can’t give up.

Questioning the Bible

I had taken a hiatus from blogging because there seem to be nothing of great interest in the religious world to blog about at this time. When it comes to religion, there are so few things to discuss before I start repeating yourself. I am not back with a renewed vigor but with a struggle of the bible and believing kind.

Here is my religious struggle. I have stopped attending church on a regular basis because I just don’t want to be there and I am having some serious questions about the bible. I do visit a church on occasion (when I visit my church-going parents) and I do acknowledge that some of the messages are pretty good. However, I am becoming an unbeliever in the word-for-word bible. I do unwaveringly believe that a God exists and he created the things we see but the details which are laid out by the Christian bible (any religion as a matter of fact) seems a bit fuzzy.

I have realized that faith in one’s religion takes a lot of gusto, trusting, and naivety. It’s like that passage in which Jesus states that you have to be like a child to enter into the kingdom of heaven. He was right. Children believe a lot of things without question. It is only when we question that we (I) start scratching my head thinking W-H-A-T??? Interestingly, the same bible encourages the believers to test and see ‘if it is true.’ Unfortunately, my testing has led to more questions that no one seems to be able to answer.

I recognize that this could be a phase (a very long phase) but I have no intention of denying my ambiguity about the bible and religion. I am not ready to toss out the bible and neither am I willing to venture to the dark side of atheism. Something just seems ‘rotten in Denmark’ but the alternative to walk away does not seem right either. What to do? What to do?

With all that being said, the true face of Christianity is quite majestic: The caring for others; The willingness to call a stranger brother or sister;  The sense that there is so much more to life than what the eye can see. Ironically, I have not given up prayer. It is quite a comforting practise-afterall, I do believe in the existence of a God who can see and hear. The essence or the ‘spirit’ of religion is hard to resist in such a f-up world. It’s almost like a peace in the midst of chaos. I guess that’s the part I find very difficult to give up despite my questioning.

Revenge at the Pulpit

So a few weeks ago I visited a church while staying with a friend. If  you follow my blog, then you will know that it has been many moons since my last church visit and ages before that. No, I did not burst into flames or was struck by lightning from God’s wrath due to my absence. As always, the church was beautiful and everything went according to the church rituals.

It so happened that this was graduation week for that college town and so many visitors were there. I sat through the whole service and concluded that I only liked two aspect of the church service – the sermon which was done by a visiting pastor and the musical ensemble. I love classical music and it has been years since I was at a concert so it was nice to see and hear the ensemble. Everything else I could do without especially the closing prayer given by one of the graduating students.

Before I get to the self-serving revenge prayer, I have to talk about my issues with mass prayer. The first thing is kneeling. I was taught as a child to kneel on the floor to pray (I tried kneeling in bed but my parents would not have it). The problem is not the prayer but the fact that kneeling always hurts my knees and therefore is a distraction. Instead of taking my time to do a God talk moment, I rush through the prayer (and trying not to get into trouble with my parents as a kid) in order to end the torture on my knees. This is the same issue I have with church prayers, I just can’t focus because I can’t wait to quit kneeling and end the pain. The other thing is church mass prayers are designed to be so long-winded. When the person praying starts going on and on and  on, then I naturally tune them out or find my mind wandering. I guess for me when it comes to prayer, I totally subscribe to the going into your closet to pray suggestion. I just don’t find public prayers as meaningful as they are intended to be.

So it was the end of the wonderful sermon (I got a really good lesson about expectations and never giving up when you fall). The gentleman came up to the pulpit to start his prayer. At first, I was not sure if he was preaching or praying. He had the intonation of a Southern black minister who was on a roll. At first I am thinking, is he flexing his ability to preach or was he attention seeking? If that was all, I would have been okay but then he started to use the pulpit and the prayer as a way to exact verbal revenge. I had no knowledge of the bur that started his fiery feelings but I deduced from his so-called prayer that he was not happy with some incident that involved him and school administration. He particularly asked divine guidance for the teachers and school president. However, the request was less than Godly and more rebuking (but with church appropriate words). As he continue into his preaching (disguised as prayer) long tirade, I could not help but wonder “why the hell are you using this venue to air your grievance?”

When did the pulpit become a place to curse those who did wrong to you? He is not the first person to do this. Many pastors will use the pulpit to air certain things and you know that they are speaking about a particular incident. As much I have some many reservations about organized religion, I do not want to hear personal shit during the church hour on the days I actually attend a church service.  The briefly unfortunate thing was this new graduate’s vengeance actually ruined a wonderful church moment for me. His prayer was unnecessarily preachy and over the top not to mention his obvious contempt for the school management.  Once he was done with his verbal diarrhea my mood was saved by the ensemble playing to help usher the congregation out.  Music saved the day.

Ripped from the Headlines… World in Chaos

The world today is definitely going to the dogs for sure. If this is not the “signs of the end,” then we are in major trouble for the world events to come. Everything is in complete chaos. Let’s see: American goes berserk and kills innocent women and children, the European countries are in a state of economic crisis, another religious fundamentalist blows up himself in a public place to make a religious tyrannical statement, father blows up himself and small children, another tyrant using children as his own private mercenary while the young girls and women are sex slaves, the rich and the famous and infamous are plagued by substance addiction, grandmother died in a house fire with a number of her grandchildren, tsunamis, earthquakes and tornadoes etc. etc. etc.

Sheesh. It is obvious that left on our own, we humans become unbelievably destructive. In the old testament, the world flood was brought about because God had had enough of the craziness. The new testament states that as it was in the days of Noah so shall it be again. It really makes me wonder if we have reached or surpassed the days of Noah. How bad could those people have been to trigger God’s anger and therefore a human cleansing? Is this world close to the second coming (and one can only pray that this will be the last cleansing)?

People are preparing for something very catastrophic to happen. The racists are expecting a race war, the religious extremists are expecting a holy war, the Christians are expecting the second coming, the Jews are expecting the first coming, and individuals and families are preparing for some big show down (check out the show Doomsday Preppers). So, it is probably accurate to say that the “devil is roaming about…” and stirring up a lot of hatred and evil to the point that no one is safe anywhere. In comes the true purpose of the New Testament to prepare for  everyone for the beyond and not becoming caught up in the chaos going on now.

It is easier said than done. Unless one lives in a remote area of the world or in an Amish community, then it is really hard to not be anxious about the state of the world. It is hard to shut out all things media with this information age of cell phones, computers, televisions, radio (I think people still listen to the radio) etc. It is very fitting why the new testament said to flee to the mountains or in today’s translation ‘get the hell out of dodge.’ Is it even possible to live out a quiet peaceful life anymore? Are we delusional to think that the chaos we hear and read (do they still make newspapers?) about will not invade our hide away? Evil knows no bounds and that is very obvious.

I do have to say that I long for some mindless feel good source of entertainment that is not always filled with sex, violence, deceit, and all the ills of the world. Maybe this would be a good time to pick up some Gregorian chant CDs (are those still around?), get comfortable with a good yoga pose and start practicing meditation. It is very hard to disassociate from the world, unless you are Amish or others of that ilk, but the bible did say that we should not let our hearts ‘fail us’ because of all the stuff that is happening. So if we cannot find a cave to hide ourselves, then it is time to learn to filter it all out. It can be bloody hard to believe that God is still in charge but the bible did say “to be still and know that I am God.”

Fear of Death

(copied image)

Most people do not discuss this natural transition in life because there is a fear and uncertainty of what’s to be expected once we kick-the-bucket. Death is a scary thing! So, we invent the ugly tales such as the grim reaper, Dante’s Inferno, Satan poking you with a pitch fork, and all these other mythical things to make the unknown-more frightening?  The bible was not shy about introducing the subject; however, the only time churches talk about it is at a funeral or at the end of the sermon when the pastor is making an altar call (come to Jesus before it’s too late…).

My stance on death is that when people die they are compared to being asleep and unaware of what’s going on in heaven or on earth Ps 146:4; Job 14: 10-12. I don’t believe in transitional places like purgatory etc. I don’t believe that people go straight to heaven or hell before the resurrection (Rev 20) and I certainly don’t believe that there are ghosts who still spy on us after their demise-creepy.

Every now and then I find the idea of death scary because I believe I am not heaven bound. Some people may think they know for sure that their names are in the ”Book of Life” but I am not one of them. Every now and then I find the idea of death welcoming because it gets me out of this ridiculous world-whether I am heaven or hell bound. I have my own objections about how shitty this redemption plan has been   set-up but having Christian beliefs, one has to accept that ‘it is what it is.’ God made the rules and we have to follow-like it or not.  I am very much aware that I could go to bed tonight and never wake up the next morning (hence my short morning prayer of thanks the moment my eyes are open). I am very much aware that death is everywhere.

We are all too aware of the ‘blink of an eye’ and life changes. This world is an equal opportunity world in which good things happens to both good  and bad people. Bad things happen to both bad  and good people. The one thing more scarier than being audited by the tax man is having the ‘angel of death’ after you. The bible does not indicate that we should be afraid of death no more than we should be afraid of sleeping. The one thing I have gotten is that the fear should be about whether we get to sit at the feet of Jesus or be destroyed with the original sinner. As a matter of fact, the new testament is saturated with the symbolism of death-Death to self, death to the world, death to sin.

The true purpose of death is to give us the ability to be reborn to something new and a promise of something better. To truly experience death we will not be able to come back and pass on the information despite all those near-death stories ie. the story of Lazarus at the rich man’s table. As survivors, we only see death from one perspective-loss, grief and mystery. So it’s very easy to be afraid, to be very afraid. The bible discussed this issue to perhaps help us to understand that there truly is nothing to fear or maybe that our true fear is not having the opportunity to have an everlasting life with God.

PS. If I am wrong, then the pie is in my face, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Jesus’ Perfection Re-interpreted

 

Being exposed to the Christian religion and Jesus for my entire life, there is one thing that has not escaped me and that is the message of Jesus’ perfection. Jesus never sinned or did anything remotely wrong according to the bible which only chronicles his 3 years of ministry. As an adult, I also realized that the traditional view of Jesus’ perfection is a little different from mine these days.

The traditional view of Jesus is like a lily white flower that was never in any risk of being tempted; therefore, He had no reason to really fight off sin for himself because he was always protected by his divinity. There is also the view that because of His divinity, then there is NO way that Jesus would have been able to sin no matter what was shoved in front of Him. However, after hearing a sermon a few years ago, my view of Jesus’ perfection made me see Him as more relatable in my moments of difficulty.  The sermon had emphasized that despite Jesus’ divine connection, He was also fully, completely and unequivocably human ie. in every way-just like the rest of us, hurt, pain-human. Why does that make a difference for me?

If we think of Greek mythology and various religions that have outer worldly deities, the one complaint is that these gods cannot identify with the daily experiences of a man or woman. Therefore, these deities always impose these almost impossible guidelines to getting into their inner circle. Call me a heretic but some of the old testament chronicles of God also seemed to follow the same trend. The new testament view of Jesus and religion really identified with our outer and inner demons and attests to the fact that we fail even when we do not want to fail.

I am an exponential thinker. I am not always satisfied with the status quo and I ask question and think outside the box when there is a gap. I was raised to not ask certain questions or think too much outside of what the pastor tells you about Jesus and all things Christian. If you have read enough of my blog, then you will recognize that I have traditional and nontraditional views on all things God and Christian and I have never apologized for my curiosity or views because from it I stumble, fall, learn and grow. If I can’t question then I won’t believe. For most of us who choose to believe in God, you know how difficult of a task this can be. From the moment I was introduced to the Christian religion as a baby until this day, the bible has remained the same but the understanding, when applied in context to the human experience, has changed. If each person should put themselves in the place of each bible character or have experienced similar issues as those we read about, I can guarantee that your responses would not be the same as Ruth, David, Judas or Peter.

I believe that most people read the bible in abstract, something that I was taught to do for many years. However, when we are faced with a true Christian conundrum, the abstract does not quite fit. That, my fellow Christians, is why we struggle over the simplest of problems in our lives.  Despite that, most Christians are quick to judge others (been there and done that). In comes the philosophy of removing the log from your eye before condemning someone who has a spec or even the same size log their eye. If you know the perfect way to deal with the ups and downs of daily life and being the best-est Christian, then feel free to share it because there are many who could benefit.

Back to the topic, reinterpretation of Jesus’ perfection. I imagine Jesus as a child (unfortunately that is not something many do). I see him like any other human child who cried, fussed, pooped, giggled, and peed on his mother (maybe missing her face because she was not quick enough) while she is changing his cloth nappy. He was NOT locked away in the synagogue for hours on end learning from the priest but learning from his father and the men who are close friends and relatives of the family just like the other boys of his age and time. He participated in the traditional Jewish festivals like everyone else.  I see him playing with other kids and getting into things and perhaps skinning his knees like all the other boys in the town. I see him growing up and having the same challenges that prepubescent and pubescent boys have (I realize that most Christians will not agree with this). Keep in mind, if he is fully human, then these are natural social experiences and body development he faced just like his peers. I see his parents expecting  him to get married to a nice Jewish girl who was a part of the lineage of King David, they expected him to have a trade etc. (keep in mind that there were a few times Jesus had to point out to his mother that he was here for a different purpose than what is traditionally expected of a Jewish male born of his stature). I see Jesus experiencing the normal human life in order to prepare for his job as the one and only human-divine representative.

Jesus’ vulnerable humanity came into play so clearly in two places in the bible: His 40 days and nights of meditation in the wilderness and at the Garden of Gethsemane. If we think about the story of Jesus being tempted in the context of him being fully human, then those 3 enticements by Satan will make better sense. If we are only able to see Jesus as fully divine, then that story would seem quite stupid-sort of similar to someone with a hundred dollars trying to bribe a millionaire. So, what exactly do I mean? Satan knew that the fully human side of Jesus would be starving and weak (physically and mentally) after going over a month with no nourishment. Think of us in that situation (rich or poor) that if someone offered us a simple morsel of bread (not a feast) we would be so ready to grab at it. Some of us can’t even resist a special treat when we are feeling absolutely full!  Satan was not tempting Jesus’ divinity he was going after his humanity in the same way he comes after us.

The 2nd temptation was for the fully human Jesus to try to test God’s loyalty to protect him. Now, if we should bring this scenario to our reality, I am positive that we have tried to test God many times in many ways. “God if you are really there then … for me.” It might seem silly for Satan to tell Jesus, look if  you jump you are totally protected so why not do it.  However, the point was to see if the humanity of Jesus would question if God would really do such a miracle for Him. Imagine if someone should ask such a request of you, what would your first thought be of God’s power? Would He save me or would He let me fall to my death? A divine Jesus is capable of anything which is humanly impossible; therefore such a temptation for a God would be lunacy.

The 3rd attempt was about association with power. Satan was offering the physical world in exchange for Jesus’ association to him. As humans we know that we are fragile because it does not take much to change our lives significantly or to lose everything including our lives in the blink of an eye. Therefore, many people like to be associated with power, authority and dominance as a delusional way to feel invincible. We see these behaviors throughout with inequality in race, religion, ethnicity, gender, jobs and even in our homes.  Why do you think celebrities and the wealthy have so many ‘friends’? It’s all about association. A divine Jesus would have no need of such foolishness because the world belongs to the Father and therefore to Him. Take note that Jesus had an old testament scripted response for all 3 temptations. He could have easily said Satan don’t be stupid, I am God but instead He resorted to the same things we mere mortals do today when we memorize and recite scripture.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, this was the most human of response. This fully human man knew that he was going to be betrayed by friends (do you know what that feels likes?),  who probably were more like His on-the-road family. He was beaten, mocked, shamed, humiliated, degraded, flogged, stripped in public, having large sharp thorns pierced his head, people hitting and spitting on him, sharp sword in His side, large nails in your hands and ankles and hung for your mother, earthly father, brothers, sisters, people He healed and rebuked, friends and strangers to see (There is an interesting documentary called Who was Jesus? on Discovery Channel that talks about his torture). I don’t know about you but I would have peed and pooed in my pants and ran away in hiding if I suspected I will be brutally tortured. Instead, the fully human part, prayed so darn hard because of some heavy-duty anxiety and stress which caused blood to pour from his sweat glands. He then said the human thing and asked maybe begged that God would pass ‘the cup’ from him and find some other easier way. I wonder at times why He had the audacity to even ask the Father for such a thing knowing that this was His destiny. I believe that He asked perhaps because this was the fully human side of him recognizing how tremendous His cross will be. The rest is Christian history.

I appreciate the fully divine side of Jesus. Afterall, we need a divine intercessor. However, I appreciate the fully human side of Him even more because it gives me the feeling that at least one person in the heavenly body gets me and my never-ending struggles. No, not the me that should be a perfect Christian, say, think, and do the right thing all the time but the part that will get it right and get it wrong until the day I die.  If Jesus were married, I would expect him to have marital struggles. If he had children, I would expect that he would have parental issues like the next person. If he was a senior citizen, then the same curses and blessings of aging. I like to think of Jesus as perfect in the sense that He was tempted and faced day-to-day issues of life in the same ways we do; however, he made the better choices that we do not always make.

The Ideal Church Differs From Reality

My mother was here with me for awhile during my convalescence and she was dismayed at my admission to not setting foot in a church for months. Her admonition was that “you know that is not right” and she proceeded to grill me on “giving up” on God. My reaction was annoyance because for me attending church and relationship with God is two different things (I know many Christians will disagree).  Interestingly, she did not ask if I still prayed, read my bible etc; however, she asked me about giving tithe which I do faithfully by mail.

I do understand the importance of attending church to fellowship with like-minded people and receive spiritual strength from them. While all that is good, the problem is I feel no such thing at church. For many years, attending church makes me very uncomfortable and even more so now that I am single without family attending church with me. It is a place in which I feel no kinship but more like I am in a crowd wearing white while everyone else is wearing black. There is an uneasiness about being amongst those people and trying to find your place which usually takes years if you are a quiet person or having an extraordinatry set of outgoing social skills to speed up the process.

The reality is I hate going to church. I do not want to be around strangers (which they really are). I have spend years in a church and I did not know anything about the people there (including the ones that were my own age) and they did not know me. It all seemed somewhat fake. The greatest joy I experienced related to a church was a many years ago doing outreach ministry (not preaching or shoving the gospel down someone’s throat) but helping others or just going to an hospital for aged to sing or feeding the homeless etc.

My ideal church, in which I had a taste of during college, had an energy and a desire to praise God and serve others but  I am yet to find it in the real world. So here is my list for my ideal church:

-Would have people in my age group that I am able to relate to

-A pastor with fresh ideas on making the gospel applicable to the struggles christians have today

-Have activities that engage the single or other special population in the church instead of stuffing us in the closet

-Not too large in which you get lost or too small in which each member does 10 different things for the church

-Good outreach activities that make a difference in the community and allows church members to become active for God. Most churches are so focused on bringing in more people to boost membership and overlooking the needs of others around them

-Feels more inviting and warm which Jesus intended and was a strong staple of the early Christian church. Having a sense of family

-Simple and less ritualistic, legalistic and organizational

-Open in which to entertain difficult questions without being wacked upside the head with a bible when someone is genuinely seeking guidance

One of the things I admired about Christ’s 3 year ministry was that he not only preached but he met people in their darkest hour to do things for them: healings etc. The churches have loss the ‘doing’ aspect of ministry. Jesus and his ministry was so simple yet highly effective.  The problem is I am as excited to go to church as I am to sit in an all day conference for my job.  I doubt I will find my ideal church so I have to wait until I am moved spiritually to set foot back in and enjoy attending a church.