The Prayer of Comfort

In the recent week, there had been two mass casualty events –  the Boston bombing and the fertilizer plant explosion in Texas. Most Christians will point to these things as the ‘sign of the times’ or ‘Jesus is near.’ Other radicals will point to this as America’s punishment for sins. People will use tragedy to further their cause – pro/against guns, closing the borders, hate another religion, blame the government etc. However, the average Christian, who have picked up a bible at some point in their lives will understand the power of prayer.

Despite my sabbatical from direct religious involvement, I do understand the power of prayer. Prayer not for the lost or that the world will become suddenly peaceful but prayer for strength to continue despite all the madness. I realize that whether someone blames God or praises God the truth is we have no power to change or stop things from happening. The only power we possess is the ability to gather our strength and whatever faith you have and move forward.

It’s interesting that people in other countries live with similar tragedies on a regular basis-which is sad when you think of it. For us, who have a somewhat peaceful enough existence, such craziness is very hard to fathom. In moments like these, it is easy to lose oneself in despair but for the Christians who believe in something more, then there is at least a slight glimmer of hope for some inner peace because of our beliefs.

No matter what the level of one’s faith or church attendance, prayer is a free and open line to God. It is usually the easiest tool to use in a Christian’s arsenal to bolster us when the world becomes more crazy than usual. We have the ability to pray for the families affected by both tragedies and the tool to pray that a whole city come together to help each other. Despite the US fight against public declaration of Christianity, one of the first things that people tend to do is pray and call on the local religious leader for spiritual strength. I guess it would be fair to say that the US has become closet Christians who are only allowed out in public after tragedies. Whatever the status, it is good to see that active or dormant Christians have not forgotten the power of prayer.

 

 

 

If Your Mate Offends You, Then

 copied image

The Christians who are familiar with their bible should see the direction in which I am heading with this post titled ”If your mate offends you, then.” This is a variation on the theme of Matt. 18: 8-9 in which Jesus made statements that if something offends you then  cut it (him/her) loose. Harder said than done isn’t it?

I was having a discussion with a male coworker who made the statement that he does not understand why bad men always get together with good women and treat them badly. I promptly responded that men are allowed to behave badly because the women practice the 70 x 7 forgiveness concept. This is when a woman of good character continues to forgive and accept a mate with bad behaviors. The results of this 70 x 7 forgiveness concept are the bad behaviors continue and the offending partner never learns consequences due to ”sparing the rod and spoiling the child.”

Disclaimer: This is not a male bashing post. The bad behaviors are practiced by both men and women; however, men seem to be the offending partner most of the time while the women are more accepting of bad behaviors.

The male coworker was also speaking from experience. He too had been one of those men and it took years before he finally realized the error of his ways. Even though he had been married for over 20 something years to his now deceased wife, he had given her hell for most of those years. A lesson to be learned is that a large number of marriages are never always pretty from the inside!

Men/women who behave badly did not just wake up one day and became relationship terrorists. They displayed these behaviors right after the first few ‘get to know you’ dates were over. So, if a woman sees these things early in the relationship, then why does she continue to choose the bumpy, crying, upset, angry road? Is being single such a death sentence? Is it better to be coupled with trouble than to be single?

Being in a bad relationship is like playing the slots machine (do they still call them slots?). The person with character can rely on intermittent winnings and she continues to hold on to hope that every play will win her the jackpot for life. However, the issue with gambling is, the players will always lose more over time in comparison to what they have ‘won.’

Women are so accepting of the ‘hanging in there’ idea to the point in which their spirits are damaged in the process. For some, it is damaged beyond repair and for others it takes lots of mending. So why not cut loose the offending party? Why torture yourself with someone whom you know perpetually and intentionally offends you? Well, like the parable of the offending hand and eye, the offenders serve a purpose. The offending party serves as a self-esteem booster because you are not single like those other pathetic people; the offending party provides a sense of comfort in which occasionally the person can be reliable; the offending party gives the sense that you are not completely alone in life; and the offending party is the evil that you know.

The good character women/men are NOT  victims. They are willing participants in this heartbreaking cycle. They still have enough strength to be able to handle the crap that is thrown at them. Their spirits are not defeated as yet.  I told my coworker that these ‘bad guys’ have life quite easy. They know that there are always women out there  willing to put up with their foolishness. This means the bad guy does not care that he leaves a trail of broken spirits behind because there is always one more waiting.

As women, we allow bad behaviors from men. We allow ourselves to be abused physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally because of a lack of self-confidence and unstable self-esteem. As Christian women, God gives us something else to rely on in order to draw confidence and self-worth; however, the pressure of being married to or in a relationship with someone (good or bad) outweighs the big picture.

Angry with God

                             (copied image from: toholdnothing.blogspot.com)

 

I have to thank a commenter on making me think about that very dreadful feeling of “anger” when it comes to God. I have posted quite a few thing in regards to the Christian Deity but never have I admitted to ever being angry. Why is that?

I would venture to say that using the phrase “angry with God” is equivalent to “I don’t believe in God.” I was taught to never be angry with God or at least never to say it out loud. Most Christians are the same way. When tragedy strikes God-fearing people, they will become angry at everyone else but when it comes to their feelings towards God, they are more subdued or suppressed.

When someone admits to such a strong feeling towards the Creator, then another Christian will quickly squash that thought because ‘you can’t be angry with God.’ Ummmm…. Why can’t I be angry with God? Afterall, it is one of those natural feelings even the bible says that God exhibited. Jesus was not mildly perturbed by the money changers in the temple, he was pissed and even became physical. So, if this is a feeling two of the Godhead can express, then why can’t a Christian be angry but not just angry – angry with God?

We are taught that God controls everything and therefore when something good happens we say thanks. So does it stand to reason that when something bad happens we can be angry with HIM? Or is that against the Christian-God rules governing our relationship?

Well here is my truth. I have been angry with, disappointed with, frustrated with, happy with, and thankful to God. I have experienced a gamut of emotions all pointed towards the Big Guy In-Charge. I have expectations of God and when I don’t see them then I experience those unpleasant emotions. I have not quit waiting on God for some thing. However, for the most part, I just chose to continue to make the best choices and if God wants something else from me then he is certainly  capable of letting me know. If I am on the right track, then he is still certainly capable of letting me know that too.

I have also quit listening to people who will say – if you STOP and wait for God… or  if you GO then God will…. The last time I checked God was OMNI-(add various suffix) and He will do what He will do. Afterall, if a God can have  someone swallowed by a whale and use the animal like a maritime vessel; a donkey talked to convey some pretty important message; the sun stood still and the universe did not go crashing in on itself; and the dead lived again then, He is certainly capable of handling me being pissed at Him every now and then.

I am even peeved at God sometimes for allowing the devil to have so much power to create so much misery. It’s like a parent allowing a spoiled child to run loose and create havoc before addressing the issue. So Yes!!! I do get angry with God and like most relationships I get over it until the next time.

New Year No Resolutions

For this new year’s eve, a dear friend and I went out to enjoy the festivities. Our last-minute venue of choice turned out to be with a group of people who were much much older than us and the band that was playing could use some good singers. Nevertheless, it was a night to remember, not because of the heavy drinking and partying (which there was none) but just the experience. Who can beat a good laugh.

As is customary, people make new years resolution. As is customary for me, I refuse to make any resolutions. Usually, my journal starts with Happy New Year (insert year) may this year be filled with Blessings or some such sentiments. It is not that I do not believe in resolutions but for some reason this year I decided to take things as it comes. I have found that any minor/major wish at the beginning of the year never quite come to fruition or it looks grossly distorted by Dec 31. I just might be cursed or something.

This year did not start with a hopeful bang but as I thank God for each day, I have decided to be more open and flexible (I think I might have said that last year too). I guess when you get older life seems to repeat itself and not always the good things. Last year, I moved across country, dumped a career that was emotionally draining, was unemployed way longer than expected, turn down a somewhat idealish job for one that has turned out to be wayyy below expectations in every sense of the word BUT I am still thankful to be employed, alive, and had only one loss in the family.

Again, nothing turned out the way I expected it to be… Nada. So with that kind of track record, I have decided to let God do His best or worst. People keep writing, quoting and shouting that God is in charge and He knows what’s best etc etc etc. So instead of making any concrete plans for the near or far future, I have decided that I will let go and see what happens this year. By nature, I am a planner, organizer and like things to go in a certain order. I figure that all my planning has not paid off in the ways I expected so giving up the reigns may show some improvement.

 

 

I do have to be honest that I don’t fully trust that God will do any better to make this year rosier. I believe that he has the power to make all things bright and beautiful (taken from a song) but that is not always the case (Connecticut massacre right before Christmas). Yes! yes! I know the die-hard Christians will say I don’t have enough faith even as big as a mustard seed (bible reference) so what do I expect. Well that’s the thing, I have no expectation for the worst or the better. I am in the frame of mind that ‘que sera sera’ what ever he wants it to be will be-good, bad, pretty or ugly.

This is the year of one day at a time with minimal expectation. Who knows- by the end of the year (God’s will I am still alive and well) I will be back in church full time or further down the path of separation and therefore destruction.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY THIS YEAR BE FILLED WITH MANY BLESSINGS AND BETTER THAN THE LAST

 

Single + Single ≠ A Match

I was dragged to church today but not kicking and screaming; however, I was grumbling a bit . Despite the rocky start, I can admit that the service was good and the singing was fabulous. The pastor talked about releasing the sinful behaviors that create chains which anchor us to the devil. I am introspective so I know my sinful behaviors, the things that I go back to, and the things that I am a bit reluctant to let go off (and let God, so to speak). However, since this is a being christian and single navigation blog, I will get to the part that is singles related.

There were two incidents in church that just rubbed me the wrong way as a single and somewhat-Christian woman. The first was a young woman giving a thank-God-life-has-been-good-and-God-gave-me-everything-I-wanted-testimony. I have to say I do like those God did good things for me messages. Her testimony included being married and pregnant in the same year. Great for her!! (and I mean it sincerely). However, in the next breath (here is the thing that irritated me) she went on to say, in hopes of being encouraging, that God should be our all. He is all we need for a partner, for love, comfort etc. In essence, God should be the ‘it’ of our lives and those who did not get what they wanted should be okay with just God.

While I understand the importance of God in a Christian’s life, I do take offence to those people who first pointed out that they wanted more than just God and got it; however, for the rest of us poor single nonpregnant people, we should be satisfied with only God. The hypocrisy is so glaring that it makes you want to scream “you would not be saying that if you didn’t get_____.” It is almost like a poor you sucker message. God gave me my mate and a family but since you are not as fortunate then God is all you need. I don’t know if people are that insensitive because they are self-absorbed or they are trying, but failing badly, to give hope to others. Either way, just stick to your praise and testimony and shut the hell up if you don’t know what to say to those who were not so abundantly blessed.

The second issue that came up in church was the pastor assumption that because two people are single then they will naturally make a good match. If becoming coupled was as easy as 1-2-3, then we would all be in long and happy marriages. The pastor’s mistake is a common one that many people (especially those that are coupled) tend to perpetuate. There is this prevailing assumption that 1 + 1 will =2. Obviously, there is more to making a good connection with someone than their marital status-this is something many single people are very aware of from their relationship misadventures.

A single status is only one criteria when a Christian single is searching for a mate. Being single, as a friend points out, does NOT mean available. It is always sarcastically amusing when someone you know tells you that she knows this person who is single and you two should get together. The next question is ‘tell me about him/her’. The reply usually goes along these lines: s/he is a nice person but I don’t know that much about person X except that s/he is single. This is the what the ****** moment. So what your misguided friend or family is saying is that I am desperate to be with anyone because I am single! I am not implying that these random get togethers could not work out (probably the same percentage as internet dating) but the idea that just because we are two single people then we are bound to hitting-it-off. Really!!!! I say again really!!!!!

The older Christian single status is a very tricky place to navigate. If church people are not being condescending, then they are trying to get you coupled. It is hard to tell church members to piss-off but instead you graciously grin and bear these subtle insults which are wrapped in well-meaning intentions (or not).  The best defense is to try and find the humor in silly situations like these. I recognize these faux pas  frequency could cause a Christian single to momentarily forget her lady-like manners and say something very unchristian  . I do believe that most singles can express themselves quite clearly and if we need your opinions or blind interventions, we can speak up about that too.

God Is Not Completly Flatlined

First off, I have to send condolences to the families of the victims in the Newtown school tragedy. It has become so frequent to hear of monsters or agents of evil who obviously want to commit suicide but deciding to kill  others before doing the right thing and killing themselves.

Whenever children are involved in these horrors, it makes the tragedy even more heart wrenching. Children are young and innocent. The bible says that we have to be like a child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This childlike state is in reference to their innocence-something we seem to lose as we age or when touched by the ugliness of this world.  The survivors are forever marred by such an event. It saddens me to know that many of those children will have emotional scars for a very long time. This should not be the life for the young and the innocent.

As I listened to President Obama’s somber and tearful speech, I made note of one very interesting thing he said. He refered to a passage in the bible “May God bless the memory of the victims and, in the words of Scripture, heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.” I have to say I was blown away by this because of the downward spiral of the religious state of the country.

There are times, it seem, that every religious related thing is haggled over, judged, sent into court bla bla bla and then censored. However, to hear the leader of the free world quoting the bible and not having a bunch of non christians or non religious people threatening to file suit, it was refreshing. I can imagine how his speech writers might have had a heart attack and tried to discuss the negatives of referencing the bible.

There is some hope that despite all the craziness in this world God can be used in an appropriate context by politicians and that America has not flatlined God. It is nice to see a blip on the radar coming from those in power-there is some hope that God is not completely dead in the free world.

Bystander Effect – Being a Good Samaritan

My daily life is very unremarkable. My current job is  very dull, going to the gym is repetitive, and coming home does not hold much excitement either. So ,when something remarkable happens, then you have to decide whether you want to pass it by or jump in.

It so happened that on one of those unremarkable days I left the gym early because “I was not feeling the need to workout.” On my way home, I came to an accident that probably just happened a few minutes before I arrived. Cars were steaming and one was on fire (a small fire that was put out), car parts were strewn across the 4 lane road and a few people were on their cell phones while one or two ran over to the car that was in the middle of the road.

Like myself, many people pulled off to the side of the road and waited. I was not sure what I was waiting for… I decided after a few moments that I would just drive by because it seemed that a number of people “appeared” to be stopping to help. Just to interject a little social psychology, the thought that when multiple people witness an incident,  each person expects that the next individual would do something ie. call the cops, go to help etc is called the bystander effect. This phrase came from the Kitty Genovese murder that happened in the 60′s in which people heard her cries for help but no one called 911 because each person assumed his/her neighbour already called. Here I was looking at a recent accident and implementing the bystander effect – ‘surely someone else will stop to help these people so I don’t have to.’

Most of us know the parable of the good Samaritan. Most of us know that a few people stopped, gawked and walked by because they did not think it was their job to get involved. I understand quite well the feeling of not wanting to get involved – frankly it disrupts my day, it  can be very time-consuming, and then again you never know what you may get into.

That day, which was quickly turning into a dark evening as well as the fact that I was feeling tired and wanted to get home before it was dark (I hate driving at night), I decided that walking by was not the right thing to do. I decided to play the role of the good Samaritan along with a few other people. The decision became clear when at the moment I realized that most people actually stopped to gawk but never left their cars (bystander effect) and the other car involved in the accident had a person trapped inside. I just could not pass by; I needed to become involved.

Needless to say that once I got to the car with a 60 yr old woman with multicolored hair who was trapped and in pain, the issues of driving at night, feeling too tired or loss of personal time was not an issue. It was all about this woman who needed the help of strangers and few of us answered her call. It was quite moving to see the support that people can give to each other in times of crisis.

I really can’t say that I made a difference at the scene when I suggested that they use her blanket to cover her or when I decided to put her glasses back on her face because I thought she might need to see (I wear glasses so I understood the importance of seeing).  I acknowledge that my role was very insignificant; however, I would do it all over again because for that moment in time, someone else needed my support and full attention. It was not all about me and my needs.

I received no medals of commendations or pats on the back or anything such things (except for a few Facebook friends’ kind words); I slipped away from the scene when I was sure she was in good hands with the first responders. Choosing to become involved in someone else’s life is a risky venture. In this day and age, being a good Samaritan can get you killed and sometimes by the person you are trying to help. Thank God, that in this case, multicoloured-hair grandmother (who looked a lot  younger than her age of 60) did not appear to suffer any life threatening injuries and everyone who stopped to help did not meet with any harm. All in all, it was a good moment to choose to be a good Samaritan.

Questioning the Bible

I had taken a hiatus from blogging because there seem to be nothing of great interest in the religious world to blog about at this time. When it comes to religion, there are so few things to discuss before I start repeating yourself. I am not back with a renewed vigor but with a struggle of the bible and believing kind.

Here is my religious struggle. I have stopped attending church on a regular basis because I just don’t want to be there and I am having some serious questions about the bible. I do visit a church on occasion (when I visit my church-going parents) and I do acknowledge that some of the messages are pretty good. However, I am becoming an unbeliever in the word-for-word bible. I do unwaveringly believe that a God exists and he created the things we see but the details which are laid out by the Christian bible (any religion as a matter of fact) seems a bit fuzzy.

I have realized that faith in one’s religion takes a lot of gusto, trusting, and naivety. It’s like that passage in which Jesus states that you have to be like a child to enter into the kingdom of heaven. He was right. Children believe a lot of things without question. It is only when we question that we (I) start scratching my head thinking W-H-A-T??? Interestingly, the same bible encourages the believers to test and see ‘if it is true.’ Unfortunately, my testing has led to more questions that no one seems to be able to answer.

I recognize that this could be a phase (a very long phase) but I have no intention of denying my ambiguity about the bible and religion. I am not ready to toss out the bible and neither am I willing to venture to the dark side of atheism. Something just seems ‘rotten in Denmark’ but the alternative to walk away does not seem right either. What to do? What to do?

With all that being said, the true face of Christianity is quite majestic: The caring for others; The willingness to call a stranger brother or sister;  The sense that there is so much more to life than what the eye can see. Ironically, I have not given up prayer. It is quite a comforting practise-afterall, I do believe in the existence of a God who can see and hear. The essence or the ‘spirit’ of religion is hard to resist in such a f-up world. It’s almost like a peace in the midst of chaos. I guess that’s the part I find very difficult to give up despite my questioning.

Churches With Secrets

Secrets are those bits and pieces of knowledge that someone does not want the world to know. When anyone thinks of secrets, they think CIA, military operations, your health records, Microsoft and the Vatican. Wait… the Vatican? The Vatican is a shining representation of what is holy-at least for Catholic believers. The Vatican is a Christian religious institution which in the last month or so was ‘rocked’ with scandal that the Pope’s trusted personal assistant was caught with and arrested for stealing secret documents. The question that is on everyone’s mind is that he could not have pulled off such a caper by himself therefore who else is behind such a heist and what was the intent?  The first thing on my mind is why do churches have secrets?

The Vatican is a very public religious institution and therefore any misdeeds will be magnified. The problem is the Vatican is just a more visible example of many Christian religious institutions in which the organizations are more like a business than a place of spiritual healing. Of course no man and therefore no church is perfect but when there is something to hide in the houses of God, then there is a problem that has instantly put God out of the picture. Whatever is done in the dark should come to light is a known (paraphrased) verse in the bible. What can any church, in God’s name, keep as a secret that they deemed to toxic for the believers’ ears.

In the old testament, God commanded that the Arc of the Covenant be built and he ordered that specific items were to be placed inside. Back in the bible day, only select few were able to touch the arc or you would be killed instantly. The point is that even though close proximity to the arc could cost someone his life, everyone far and wide knew what was housed in that sacred box – The 10 commandments. I mean everyone knew it’s ‘secrets’! The devout and the heathens alike. There was no secret when it came to the Israelites religious institution, each man might have their own secrets but not the institution of God. So the real question is what in God’s name could any modern day religious establishment hold much more precious than the items in the Arc of the Covenant that needs to be hidden except from a select privilege few? What?

Churches with secrets are the ultimate oxymoron. The Christian ministry was not founded on secrets and mysteries or the bible would have strategically indicated that certain things were not for the believers eyes and ears and should be guarded by a select few. Can you imagine any aspect of the Christian bible being deemed ‘secret’ and only for the eyes of a certain few? I recognize that many people do not question their religious institutions. I recognize that believers find it almost blasphemous to point out discrepancies or even ask questions.  I recognize that many  believers tend to feel and believe that attending ones church is the same as believing in God or Christianity. However, I tend to believe very differently and they are not mutually exclusive. Back in the day, the early Christians were missionaries. They were commissioned to travel, preach, and teach. The new believers congregated wherever available in order to share the new teachings and support each other.  Later, church institutions (Ephesus, Laodicea etc)began to form and even Paul had to address some misleading information and questionable behaviors of the members and leaders of these new churches.

No religious institution is too holy for mistakes and correction. No church is perfect and believers need to recognize that and ask yourself if the church meets the Bible criteria not the other way around. If it does not, then feel free to question the church NOT your belief in God. The Christian churches’ purpose is for spiritual enlightenment not for secret keeping, human judges, indecipherable tongue babbling nor snake charming or any such nonsense. Christianity in and of itself is a very simple concept - Love God with all your heart and might and love your fellow-man. The bible even added a few guidelines to do both. Jesus knew his Jewish heritage and traditions and he knew his Torah. However, when Jesus quoted a passage, it came from the Torah not the ever-changing traditions.  Secrets are for man not for God.

Revenge at the Pulpit

So a few weeks ago I visited a church while staying with a friend. If  you follow my blog, then you will know that it has been many moons since my last church visit and ages before that. No, I did not burst into flames or was struck by lightning from God’s wrath due to my absence. As always, the church was beautiful and everything went according to the church rituals.

It so happened that this was graduation week for that college town and so many visitors were there. I sat through the whole service and concluded that I only liked two aspect of the church service – the sermon which was done by a visiting pastor and the musical ensemble. I love classical music and it has been years since I was at a concert so it was nice to see and hear the ensemble. Everything else I could do without especially the closing prayer given by one of the graduating students.

Before I get to the self-serving revenge prayer, I have to talk about my issues with mass prayer. The first thing is kneeling. I was taught as a child to kneel on the floor to pray (I tried kneeling in bed but my parents would not have it). The problem is not the prayer but the fact that kneeling always hurts my knees and therefore is a distraction. Instead of taking my time to do a God talk moment, I rush through the prayer (and trying not to get into trouble with my parents as a kid) in order to end the torture on my knees. This is the same issue I have with church prayers, I just can’t focus because I can’t wait to quit kneeling and end the pain. The other thing is church mass prayers are designed to be so long-winded. When the person praying starts going on and on and  on, then I naturally tune them out or find my mind wandering. I guess for me when it comes to prayer, I totally subscribe to the going into your closet to pray suggestion. I just don’t find public prayers as meaningful as they are intended to be.

So it was the end of the wonderful sermon (I got a really good lesson about expectations and never giving up when you fall). The gentleman came up to the pulpit to start his prayer. At first, I was not sure if he was preaching or praying. He had the intonation of a Southern black minister who was on a roll. At first I am thinking, is he flexing his ability to preach or was he attention seeking? If that was all, I would have been okay but then he started to use the pulpit and the prayer as a way to exact verbal revenge. I had no knowledge of the bur that started his fiery feelings but I deduced from his so-called prayer that he was not happy with some incident that involved him and school administration. He particularly asked divine guidance for the teachers and school president. However, the request was less than Godly and more rebuking (but with church appropriate words). As he continue into his preaching (disguised as prayer) long tirade, I could not help but wonder “why the hell are you using this venue to air your grievance?”

When did the pulpit become a place to curse those who did wrong to you? He is not the first person to do this. Many pastors will use the pulpit to air certain things and you know that they are speaking about a particular incident. As much I have some many reservations about organized religion, I do not want to hear personal shit during the church hour on the days I actually attend a church service.  The briefly unfortunate thing was this new graduate’s vengeance actually ruined a wonderful church moment for me. His prayer was unnecessarily preachy and over the top not to mention his obvious contempt for the school management.  Once he was done with his verbal diarrhea my mood was saved by the ensemble playing to help usher the congregation out.  Music saved the day.