At the risk of being branded immoral and unchristian, it’s now time to open the closet doors with a few more frank Christian sexual and single discussions. There is no denying that I find sexuality very interesting. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that anything surrounding sex is kept an open secret for may centuries. Take for instance, old hollywood would depict married people sleeping in separate twin beds. Male doctors would masturbate women (invention of vibrators) to cure female psychological illnesses while at the same time denounced female sexuality and orgasm. Back in the day, people had scores of children to increase the survival rate of their families but young girls and guys would be married without knowing where to put what. The current day religions and conservative countries that chastise anything sexual tend to sanction men having multiple wives (or lovers) with numerous children. In a recent news report from the middle east, there is an ongoing fight to make sure women do not drive cars because the upstanding men thought if they did, then it would allow women to have more illicit sexual opportunity (interestingly the report did not mention that the ‘council’ was worried about the other half of the sexual equation-the men)…bla bla bla. As I said, an open secret.
The other open secret is Christian singles (and some married couples) sexual mojo are totally on fire without an outlet. There were a number of objections when I suggested masturbation. So, then what? Someone, not religious, once said she noticed that Christians (women) were more likely to marry quickly because they just wanted to have sex ie. attend to the sexual fire. I had to stop and think about that for a moment and then agreed. So, could it be that single Christians who marry later in life have a shorter courting or dating period because they want to get to the physical part sooner rather than later?
The sexually active population do not face such a spiritual dilemma because there are a number of sexual programs to which they can subscribe: The paid sexual satisfaction program, the friends with benefit program, the booty call program, the one night stand program, and the sex outside of marriage in a committed relationship program. The single Christian has…ummm….wait…well… God. There are no easy and quick fix solution for the sexually on fire Christians despite the fact that they do exist in very large secretive numbers. Why? because no one would ever thing that being a single christian would entitle you to have any sexuality at all. They are all castrated monks.
I wonder how many would admit to another person or themselves that they are as horny as hell and they can’t take it anymore. How many would admit to seeing a hot guy/girl and for a long few seconds entertain the thought of a quick fiery quenching moment of passion or lust. Speaking of lust, which means a passionate or overmastering desire or craving, that word has been vilified in the bible and there is a clear understanding why. However, he who has never felt lust (repeatedly) cast the first stone. The issue is lust comes with sexual desire because it’s a normal part of life. When was the last time you looked at the opposite sex and the only things that were stirred up within yourself were the very basic of emotions. By the way, I would hope married couples have some of that in their marriage to keep the fire burning.
The problem with lust is that sometimes it’s taken way too far. Take King David for instance, he had lustful feelings for Bathsheba, after all, she was apparently beautiful and bathing naked in plain sight. What he did after seeing her was the true sin. David allowed his imagination to linger a lot longer than was appropriate and he was overcome with an uncontrollable desire for something/someone he should not have had. Like David, I can honestly say that I would definitely have had some lustful thoughts if I had a good view of a gorgeous naked man next door. I also can’t say that I don’t have some lustful thoughts when a gorgeous man fully clothed walk by me :-). However, unlike David, I would not be venturing boldly over to the neighbours for an afternoon or late night delight.
I know that people will quote the passage stating that a man who lusts in his heart has already committed a sin. The reality is no one, Christian or other, walks by someone of the opposite sex that they find attractive and thinks “I bet she has the smartest brain ever” or “I am sure he will make a good husband and father.” In all honesty, the first things we do say are “she is so beautiful or sexy” or “He’s so hot.” The next thing that happens is that the brain sends a message to the heart and those perfectly functioning sexual organs and bang… sexual spark that can lead to an inferno. The other truth is one does not have to have a visual object to ignite those horny desires-the body is just an amazing God created vessel with God created functions. Believe it or not, there are normal things or moments that can kick the body into a sexually aroused state automatically: an innocent touch, a smell, a memory etc.
There is no shame in admitting to being horny and sexually on fire. There is no sin either. This is just the facts of life because we are all created sexual beings. There is no shame in admitting that for singles and sexless couples that it can be very difficult to not be having some kind of sex or at least some way to relieve those normal sexual feelings and desires. Sex and all things related is meant to be a fun activity. There are and will always be moments when sex is overwhelmingly on the brain, heart, and genitals just as there are moments when it’s not. Sexual frustration is a very real thing for a number of people: virgins, married, singles, old, young, men and women. It is even more frustrating for Christians because of the mental message that there is a fine line between holy and perverted. For Christians, feeling sexual desires and all it entails should be synonymous with healthy and normal.