He is just not that into you… Really!!!!!

 “He is not into you” is a very hard concept for women to accept. As women, we are force fed the tail of Cinderella and other happy ending love stories, however, the problem is we are not always able to distinguish reality from fiction. We transfer those warm and fuzzies to men in the real world and place these romantic notions on every man.
   However, here is reality through my eyes and is nicely stated in the Steve Harvey book titled ‘Act like a lady think like a man.’ He made a really good comment that men rule the world and are capable of making important decisons but women tend to believe that when it comes to them then men are indecisive retards [major paraphrase]. I truly believe that when a man wants something he goes after it without hesitation and that includes the woman he wants.
  We as women tend to make up every excuse for their behaviors: why he didn’t call, why he still uses the line I am afraid of commitment (even after 5 years, 2 children and you are living together), why he is leaving Julie’s house at 1am adjusting his clothing, why he wants to be with his friends more than you and why he introduces you as his friend. We have heard the stories of the guy who is with a woman for a number of years, they broke up, he meets someone else, and in less than one year he is married to her. The point is he was NOT into the first woman, he could not see himself “committed fully” to her. I completely understand some of these excuses because I have used them myself (I am a by product of growing up with male influences like my brother and cousins and their friends). For example decoded messages: I enjoy being single=I am just not into you, It’s not you its me=I am not feeling a thing for you, I am commitment phobic=I am really not into you (there is also a hint of truth in this excuse), I am so busy I couldn’t find time to call=I really don’t want to talk to you anymore than I have to.
  When we are very interest in someone, then we will chat for hours, enjoy spending time with him etc and this is not different for a guy. He will make the move without us women having to wonder what’s going on. I still have some traditional beliefs that it is a man’s job to make the first move (gives them something to do). He needs to initiate the interest and it is our job as women to respond (if we are into him).
   FYI-things I have learned: -men are not stupid, -they are not children, -sex has never kept a man faithful, -getting pregnant certainly will never keep a man committed, -their behaviors and words do NOT have hidden meaning and messages, -women still refuse to read the signs when a guy does not want them.
   Here is an interesting twist of roles: I was on vacation with a few others. There were two “friends” who were inseperable. The guy would do everything for her. He got her everything she wanted: companionship, emotional adoration and his male member (the walls still allowed sounds to come through). However, she never acknowledged him as nothing more than a friend and she had verbally said that she is NOT interested in having a relationship with him but he kept hanging on just in case she changed her mind during one of their sex sessions. The message is she was not into him at all. Usually, this scenario is reversed and the girl is the one telling her friends: ‘Well he calls me when he wants to go out and we sleep with each other so he must care about me. I will give him some time to come around and he will see what a good woman I am’ Does this sound familiar?
  I believe that women need to learn to think logically instead of emotionally all the time. I truly think we would make better decisions about partners with some critical thinking skills. If we become more logical and think like a man then it will be easier to spot a guy who wants us as a on the side lover, booty call or a true monogomous partner.


4 thoughts on “He is just not that into you… Really!!!!!

  1. You raise many important points. I think our main problem as women is that we are not able to distinguish between a BOY and a MAN. We try to treat BOYS like MEN and then get hurt in the process. I also think that we women dont hold me accountable for their words. Many times we just want to hear good things and dont require that the actions of a man should link with his words….I learned the hard way to watch what a guys does and ignore what he says. I think manytimes women know that they are lying to themselves about a guy but she is too afraid to leave him…lets get it clear…the pickings are slim. Just because the pickings are slim does not mean that a woman should settle….but many women would rather settle than be alone… so they remain unfulfilled in a relationship and continue to make excuses for their "man" or should I say "boy".

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