Sexuality in the Church: The Madonna Vs The Dominatrix


  If you have joined a church for sometime, then you will understand, especially for women, that there is an unspoken expectation of chastity. However, it is more than just abstinence from sex but an implied order to put your sexuality in a box, lock it tightly, and put it in a dark corner never to be seen again until the big day ie. marriage. The problem with such a decree is that women are not getting married at the old age of 13 years old anymore and some are just not getting married at all. So the question is what do you do with that God given urge?
There is that saying that a man wants a lady in the street and a freak in the bed but how true is that expectation for a woman who has devoted her life to all things God? Is it unrealistic to expect a madonna type woman to have a hidden sexual wildness to her and knows how to keep the two apart?
The On and Off Switch of Sexuality
Another single and I were having the discussion of stories of married men who expect certain things in the bedroom but the wives think those acts are dirty or it will “defile the marriage bed.” Being a single, never married, this is just my opinion but isn’t marriage suppose to be open between the man and woman? When are there certain things off limits because it seems sinful? In my opinion, I think these bashful behaviors from some christian couples have to do with the churches teaching about how dirty and sinful are sex and all things related. So, hearing this message most of our lives, it can be difficult for some to switch on their sexuality after saying I do. I read somewhere of a young man who followed the teaching dutifully as a single and after getting married he still had not have sex for the first year of his marriage. It must have been difficult for him to switch the “lock it away” teaching to expressing himself sexually without having feelings of guilt and shame. There is no easy answer for this issue and forget about getting any help through the church. I bet the most we will hear is pray that God takes away the temptation. Yet, these same pastors will preach to couples that the sexual feeling is a natural God given urge.
  House work to cure the temptation
I remember years ago in my old church a visiting pastor asked a few single women to sit up front to be a panel. He surprisingly asked them the question what do you do when you feel the sexual urge? I thought that was inappropriate to dig into someone’s sexlife in a public forum, he did not prepare them for this question, nor did he invite any males on the panel. The women did the best and the most appropriate answer the ladies gave was to do house work and pray. I do not remember him giving a good solution to the single women’s dilemma but I thought to myself joking these ladies houses are probably spotless. The point is there is no right bible preaching christian way around addressing this natural part of life. However, it is a disservice to the single church going population when topics such as these are quickly dismissed with ‘pray to resist temptation’ or having to hold it until the day of marriage. Do not misunderstand, I am a proponent of sex after marriage. Single christians have to find a good balance in order to avoid the both extremes. I know that for myself, I am still all woman single christian or otherwise and look forward to the day when I can freely play the madonna on the street and the dominatrix in bed without guilt or shame.
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4 thoughts on “Sexuality in the Church: The Madonna Vs The Dominatrix

  1. There’s no easy answer to this (which is why the church is so reluctant to address it). Masturbation is not condemned in Scripture, so it’s an outlet for those God-given desires, but care must be taken that lust for someone doesn’t enter into it (admittedly not always easy to do when engaging in it).

  2. In response to self-pleasure items: I am all for it. Maturbation, toys are not sinful items because couples use them as well. However, I can see the naysayers arguing that a single person may overendulge. Like everything in life there is moderation. Secondly, I believe the church needs to get their heads out of their hiney and talk realistically about this and many issues facing christian singles. Just as there are programs for married couples there should be open forum for the singles in the church who are constantly overlooked.

  3. I think you make some very interesting points here in the blog. The church also thinks that if someone is not pregnant then they are not having sex…so not true. The church truly needs to address the single life and help women and men deal with the emotions of being celobate. I think the church is afraid of talking about self pleasure tecqniques such as maturbation and the use of other items. What do you think about these things? I also think the church need to discuss how to remain chaste when dating…what is too far? You cant wait til you are in a relationship to figure out these answers. These answers need to be discussed in a warm and welcoming environment, not a condeming one. I also had someone tell me that your thoughts are just as important as your actions. They said it is just as wrong to think about sex as it is to have it…of course if you are not married. Is it wrong to think about and fantacize about sex if you are not married? If we are sexual beings how can we avoid those thoughts and feelings? What approach do you think the church should take in dealing with these issues?

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