My Attempts To Stay Out of Hell


I grew up with a very specific image of God. He was a physically muscular man wearing a white toga and sandals. He sat in a big chair and had long grey hair and beard. Most importantly, he always had a scowl on his face and a lightening rod in one hand ready to dispel judgment and harsh punishment when I do anything wrong.

Even as I got older and realized that the description of God bears uncanny resemblance to the depiction of the greek god Zeus, it was still hard to see God differently. The fiery sermons in church and the subtle reminders of “God is watching you” or “may God strike you down if you are lying” did not help. In the most recent years of my church going experience, pastors have began to soften the image of God. He is now a loving and forgiving being. His character is truly depicted in Jesus Christ who kissed babies, ate with sinners and made friends with prostitutes.

Despite the revamped image, the fear of God that was instilled in me as a child, I still have been fighting to stay out of hell for most of my life. Frankly, I believe that if I take my last breath at this moment, then at the judgment my assigned forever home will be making googly eyes with the devil. It seem to be damn hard to be sure I am on the right path to the pearly gates. When God created man and his awesome partner Eve, he really did a fantastic job of making us complicated.

My personal struggle with spirituality (not religion) is an ongoing love-hate, I get it-I don’t get it relationship. The human nature is a literal bitch to keep in control 24-7 which is a biblical requirement. There are times I do have the urge to be bad, reckless, out of control and not wanting to give a *uck (I don’t usually use foul language) what anyone has to say ie. major road rage when a driver is stupid,  jump across a table and slap someone silly, become a vigilante towards rapist, abusers and other scum of the earth or have a one night stand with a hot guy just because.

 However, I do find myself holding back and sometimes daring to go to the edge but not over. The one thing I am very certain of is that the God/spirituality business can be a psychological teaser and a life long struggle to stay out of hell.

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6 thoughts on “My Attempts To Stay Out of Hell

  1. Hello Harleyq2,
    Might I ask, do you consider yourself a Christian? Please don’t get me wrong I am not trying to convert you as it is not within my power. I understand your struggles in that you want to do good but at the same time you want to be bad. Well my friend, this is the struggle of the flesh which wars with the spirit as the scripture says. You cannot walk the Christian walk on your own or seek to do good on your own. When we come to faith in Christ through the gospel we rely on Him to take us through and not in our own strenghts and abilities else we will always fall/fail. Faith in Jesus Christ is about putting our trust in Him that He is able, and not that we are able and as a babe in Christ you will stumble but you pick yourself up again and carry on till we come into spiritual maturity. It is a daily process and you have to take one day at a time.

    I want to avoid hell at all cost to but it does not mean that I am a perfect Christian and that I don’t sin. But when I sin I ask God for forgiveness knowing that He is able to forgive us of our sins. I therefore just want to encourage you therefore to keep trusting in God although the times may get rough and the road rocky and at times you may feel you want to give up. Don’t give up dear lady! Hold on and take hold of eternal life!

    1. Henry,
      Thank you for the encouragement. The blog’s purpose is to talk about the struggles and being very honest about it. I am a Christian with a lot of faults. The problems is religion and imperfection is not tolerated or talked about which can be frustrating for most people. It’s very interesting when you really talk openly with other christians and realize they struggle and have confusion as much as I do.

  2. Girl stop, the only hell there is, is right here. Don’t stress yourself too much about this, the only thing you can do with a derailed train is get it back on track, you have to apply the same analogy to spirituality. Just like riding a bike or learning to drive involves a few mishaps, coming into full alignment with God will have its fair share of mishaps before we finally get it right. Continued blessings on you, love the blog btw.

    1. Thanks Jules, I like the riding a bike analogy. I think for me when I do ‘fall off’ it feels more like a cliff than bike. I know that I’ll have to work harder to retrain my views on spirituality

  3. I find your post intriguing…if you don’t mind me asking (like I’m not going to ask anyway, lol), what do you believe?

    Personally I believe that we simply need to ask God to be one of His and it’s done. I struggled with this for a while in my early teens until I read a book that dared me to tell myself, with all of my being and conviction, that I was not a true Christian and that I never accepted Jesus.

    I couldn’t. At all. Someone I know found that they COULD say this and asked for salvation though.

    I smiled at the thought of it (still do).

    Wanting to do the opposite of what God wants will never go away…I’m sooooo glad I control my tongue a lot better than I used to, but I still mentally cussed out the driver who cut me off yesterday, lol. The important thing is once you become a Christian, God makes it as so our sins never existed. Not sure where that verse is (sorry), but it’s there. He doesn’t ignore whether or not we live in His will of course, but I see it as Him saying don’t sweat the human stuff because, in the end, you have me and I have you anyway.

    Oh yeah, and I like your blog :).

    ~bliss

    1. Welcome Bliss,
      I believe that God does exist and through Christ and the Holy Spirit, our sins are forgiven if asked. LOL at cussing out the driver mental (I do that stuff all the time then the next breath is “God forgive me”) :-). I guess for me, God has always been a struggle because you learn from the people in the church or the pious christians etc. I for the longest time I thought holy crap, I am so not like them. But having friends who are christian and single (and honest), I started to realize that certain struggles are normal but just not talked about. The intention of the blog is to talk about the stuff that gets pushed aside when one uses the word christian.

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