The phrase “children are our future” may sound cliché but it is very accurate. Parents have the burden to raise their children as individuals who will carry on after we are gone. At times I do wonder what the world will be like when the younger group, who can be so self-absorbed, become the leaders of the world. I should be very jaded about the future, about becoming a parent because of my job and my daily witness of children who scare me now. I can predict what they will be like by the time they are 18 years old.
The fact is despite the things I have to manage in my job, I have not lost the desire to be a parent. I have known many women and a few men who are single parents by default. I have heard their difficult stories of having to be the main provider of everything: finances, love, encouragement, discipline etc. I have seen parents put their lives on hold for their children. On the flip side, I have also witnessed men who should have never been able to produce viable sperm or women who should have been sterile or not allowed to keep their child(ren).
I made the decision many years ago that being pregnant and producing a biological offspring is not for me. However, at the same time, I vowed that I would be a mother but through adoption. When I made this decision, I was in my 20’s and the expectation was I would be a married parent. However, since life does not always turn out how we expect it, I have made the decision to be a single parent.
I do not know how many people are fully aware of the process of adoption but it is the most intrusive, stressful, frustrating and disappointing process. I usually scoff at those people who judge others who choose to adopt overseas. The scoffers are the ones who have the image that you can go to a hospital or a ‘orphanage’ and pick a kid from the line up then go home and all is well with the world. They don’t have a clue!
For some of us singles, there is the feeling of being forced into the option of single parenting because we are getting older, waiting for Mr Compatible may never happen or will come along much later in life, and we want to enjoy motherhood while we are still mentally and physically capable. I know some people may criticize that this is being selfish. However, I do not think it is anymore selfish than a couple wanting a child.
The choice to be a single parent is the biggest, scariest and most important decision I have made in my 30 something years. Even though I am not blind to the problems that comes with this choice, I do know that I will be an excellent parent and this is the right choice for me.