Masturbation Almost Everyone Does It


There are a few topics that are way too interesting to not have multiple postings and sex and the single christian is one such subject. During my blog surfing, I came across Zabeth’s Ladies Stop Treating Sex Casually post which addressed sexual frustration. I recognized that for single Christians this is an ongoing itch that if scratched outside of marriage (ie by one’s self or with a lover) will result in guilt, shame and self-condemnation. So let me give my unedited opinion and some random thoughts about this issue.

I believe that anything sexually related  has become a dirty and perverse idea in the church. The church and very pious individuals only address sexuality in the context of marriage with the assumption that if you are not married then it does not exist. For those curious about the evolution of sexuality, then watching the History Channel’s 5 part series about The History of Sex will be very eye-opening. So, because most people in the western world is not betroth to be married at birth and neither are we living in ancient times where a 13-year-old girl is on her way to being an experienced married woman with children, then what are the solutions?

Masturbation is more acceptable for men than for women. It is practically a rite of passage for boys and men: nocturnal emissions, uncontrolled morning erections and controlled every day erections. For women, our equivalent to the penis is the little clitoris which is safely tucked away and is packed with lots of nerve endings that play a part in female arousal and sexual satiation. Women, especially Christian women do not talk about such indecent things because heaven help us if we admit to having the desire to indulge in a little release.

One of the politically correct solutions to address sexual frustration is to ‘work it off’ which means exercising or some other physical activity. Seriously? That really works every time? Sex literally starts in the mind the moment a woman sees a very good-looking man that she may be attracted to or when a woman swishes by a man with a feminine sway. If you are a Christians or not, “mental masturbation” (a termed use in jest by the psychiatrist in our office) happens whether we want it there or not. A friend of mine aptly said that heaven help her husband when she marries because she has a lot of releasing to do :-). Don’t you just love such honesty! Yes, she is a Christian.  

I advocate for singles using any method they are comfortable with to help address such a natural feeling. That means adding a toy, using your hands or a combination of both (there are no confirmed cases of going blind), exercising or praying.  It is employing the same strategies most or all of us would use if we were married (except the exercising and praying). I doubt there is a married couple who can tell me that they do not use some form of self stimulation in their sexual activity. If there is, then I would recommend a sex therapist right away to help you work through your continued guilt and shame. 

It is difficult to use the phrase WWJD. I have no answers to that because according to the bible, Jesus was focused solely on doing God’s work and there was no mention of any female interest in his 33-years on earth. It was unusual for a man to be never-married at the ripe old age of 33.  My assumption is that Jesus probably went through the same feelings as any other human but there was no mention of how he dealt with those human urges. Most Christians would stone me for saying that Jesus probably had to deal with ‘wet dreams’ like his pubescent peers. Do I think masturbation is a sin especially when adults are marrying at later ages? No. (This is not addressing people who has an addiction or obsession with sex and any thing related). The ‘good Christians’ like to give the impression that they are untouchable about such things but it is a myth.

I think that the early church has vilified everything related to the penis, clitoris and sex. Even today, it still carries the feeling of sinning even within the christian marriage. Masturbation is a choice like almost everything else in life. I am sure a large percentage of the world does it but never talks about it unless the person is a porn star or an outspoken psychologist like Dr Ruth. Single christian are especially susceptible to sexual frustration and stress because even the idea of fantasizing can provoke overwhelming guilt and shame. Plus they probably believe that they are the only ones who have such “bad thoughts and feelings.” Talk about neurosis! (an oldie but goodie Freudian term). I say to single Christians go forth and scratch that itch until you marry someone who can do it for you.

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82 thoughts on “Masturbation Almost Everyone Does It

  1. I just turned 30. I’m a conservative Christian woman. I am single. And I like sex. I was kissing at 13. Inappropriately touching/being touched at 14. And “everything but” at 15. My parents and youth group did a great job keeping me from going all the way in high school (much to the frustration of my senior year boyfriend), and in retrospect, probably best I didn’t go all the way at that point in life. But once I got to college (just turned 18), a guy I had started dating went for it after about 3 weeks of dating, and the combination of an older (22) hot guy, privacy of a dorm room, no parents within 100 miles, and my hormones going crazy led to the demise of my hymen. It hurt. It felt good. Two days later, we did it agan. It hurt less and felt better. From then on, it just felt good. Real good. Well, that relationship ship soon ended (for other reasons). Which was fine. The high school boyfriend (went to a different college, said it was OK for us to date others) got pissed off when I told him, but by Christmas break, he must have forgiven me and he ended up losing his virginity. From then on, I have sex when it is a good situation and I want to. I don’t sleep around, but I don’t artificially repress it, either. When there is no “good situation” available, I take care of things solo. I live in the reality of my human condition. If I had gotten married (or if it was on the horizon) right out of high school, I suppose I would have “saved myself” for the wedding night, and then been able to play holier than thou when this topic comes up for discussion. Yes, I’m a sinner. I don’t lie or steal. But I do have sex, be it with myself or I have a partner.

    1. I appreciate your honesty. Living in the Christian community, there is no denying the belief that premarital sex (and any sexually related activity) is a sin. Each person has to sort out their own relationship with God.

      I am oppose to those who lie about their own sexual urges in order to appear “pure.”

      Always Be cautious and respectful of your body, sex is physical, emotional and psychological

  2. You say either use a toy, or pray?! Really?!! What the hell are you praying for if you are coinciding with using a toy, the purpose of prayer would be to
    flee the devil where temptation comes from! You who write this and follow this false teaching are divided between God and the world and your loyalty is divided and you are tossed by the waves. Turn to God, humble yourselves.

    1. If you read my posts, then you know that I do not agree with a few things in the Bible. Just like anything else religious, it is between me and God. Your relationship is between you and God as well – The freedom of choice even with God. FYI – Sexual urges are not from the devil. They are from God who made all of us.

      1. Thanks for your reply. And yes, I understand the multiple facets of one’s life that are affected when one engages in sexual activity. Oddly, I’m far more conservative about it all now than I was that freshman year of college . . . but I suppose it was sort of like getting a new toy — you play with it more than maybe you should at first.

        P.S. Just to clarify, the high school boyfriend lost his virginity to me.

  3. THIS POST IS FALSE! You say go ahead with masturbation until marriage, the bible says if you feel the urge so often then go and get married! It’s either married or don’t.

  4. Finally, an honest take on this! I’m in a bit of a predicament regarding single Christian sexytimes, and would be interested in thoughts on my particular case.

    I returned to Christianity about a year ago, after spending college as a closeted agnostic. It has been a few years since I lost interest in defining myself by my sexuality, but for clarity’s sake, I am a 23 year old female bisexual heteromantic virgin. I recently began a relationship with a Christian man. We are both trying to make sense of the waiting for marriage debate; he is somewhat more convinced that premarital sex is not sinful in the context of a loving, committed, adult relationship, and is not a virgin, but he would be willing to abstain if I am so convicted. But do not be mistaken: we very much desire sex with each other.

    The wrench in this story is that once or twice a week, I masturbate, usually to videos of women. It’s a habit I picked up while dating my last boyfriend; he was controlling and intrusive, and this was my way of reestablishing personal boundaries. Sometimes I masturbate without video, but I usually fantasize about women: often I mentally replay the videos, but recently it has also been about a female friend from my past who never knew I was attracted to her. I am more likely to lust after women than men, but this particular friend is one of the only women I could see myself pursuing a relationship with. I more easily form romantic connections with men, and I enjoy physical intimacy with them, which is why I consider myself bisexual heteromantic. (For the record, I believe that Christ-centered same-sex marriages are possible, but for me same-sex attraction has primarily been about lust)

    Masturbating with video is a compulsion and time waster that I struggle with. But sometimes, I can’t sleep unless I masturbate; in these cases, it’s usually without video. It would be fine if I didn’t keep having these thoughts about my female friend, which I find distracting from my real-life relationship.

    When we are spending time alone, my boyfriend is somewhat more aggressive than I am. Partially, I am intentionally holding back because one of us has to keep things sensible for now. But then after a couple days I find myself masturbating again. (I am intentionally ignorant of his masturbation habits, as I don’t want jealousy to cloud my judgment) I wonder how my private habits are affecting my ability to enjoy my time with him.

    If this relationship leads to marriage, which I hope it does, I must forsake all others, even in my imagination, and will be happy to do so. But what about now? If I have to choose between masturbating to fantasies about women and premarital sex with my boyfriend, which would be closer to God’s ideal for sexuality?

    The only other options would be to learn to masturbate without fantasies, or to eliminate sexual release altogether. If anyone thinks either of those are the only acceptable options for a single Christian, can you please tell me how to realistically make that happen?

    1. I will try to answer your questions as best as I can. I will not guarantee that you will like everything I say but ultimately you have to make the decisions for your life.

      Premarital Sex issue: Your Christian boyfriend stated that premarital sex is not a sin which is incorrect. If you are using the bible as a guideline, then fornication (premarital sex) is a sin and sex is only sanctioned within the marriage. I am a little concerned that you both are not in agreement with this issue. It is the responsibility of both of you to come to an agreement so that the burden of abstinence does not weight only on you. People don’t die without sex; however, it can be hard to keep your hands off each other especially when one partner is open to having sex prior to marriage.

      Masturbation: As the blog post suggest, I am for masturbation to help ease sexual tension. I would also suggest that you have a discussion with your boyfriend about how he manages his sexual frustration. This is a great time to learn to communicate to each other about your current sexually related habits and the expectations from each other. Ignorance is not bliss; it is just ignorance. This might be an uncomfortable topic to broach but if you plan on marrying this guy then nothing and I repeat NOTHING is off limits for discussion. This is an important issue for you so start talking.

      Sexuality: I am a little confused about your definition of lust (for women) vs romantic feelings (for men). My concern is that your inner most thoughts are not of your boyfriend of whom you want to marry one day but about someone else, that is a huge red flag regarding the state of your relationship. The object of your private affection (lust) should be the same as the object of your romantic feelings and behavioral expression. If they are not the same, then I would suggest to start being honest with yourself about your sexual orientation (thoughts are mostly about women) and how you really feel about the person in your life. The issue is your lust and sexual preference does not just go away because you sign a marriage license. If you are having conflict with this now, then I 100% guarantee it will become an issue in your future relationship.

      Pornography: There is nothing and I say absolutely nothing about pornography that is healthy. Pornography is a bad habit like smoking, you might think it’s okay and not an issue until you try to quit. The red flags are starting to show because you are not able to become aroused without watching or replaying it in your head. I would recommend that you start weaning yourself off pornography.

      I have said before that sometimes masturbation and sex can become an obsession for some people. The uncontrollable need to do either. It is hard to tell from your note if you are having that issue but there is a fine line when the average behavior crosses over into an obsessive behavior. Like everything else that we find pleasurable; things can easily go overboard. Ask yourself this question, if you were married this moment, would you require sexual release to help you go to sleep? Or is this just happening when you are stressed about something and it is a self soothing behavior?

      God’s ideal for sexually related activities would be within the context of marriage. Eliminating sexual release can be done but it takes a lot of effort and discipline (think Monks). You can’t deny that this is a normal part of your sexual being; however, I really do think there is more to your issue that just masturbation and keeping your boyfriend off of you.

      Long but I hope that answers at least some of your questions.

      1. Thanks so much for taking the time to address this. Some of this is hard to hear, but I shall save your reply and pray about these decisions.

        The best way I can describe my sexuality is that I desire the bodies of both men and women, women slightly more, but I only desire the minds of men. My desire for women is superficial while my desire for men is all-encompassing. I have seldom desired to connect with women on an emotional level beyond platonic friendship. I don’t know if this is cultural or universal, but most women I know tend to communicate nonverbally, apologize for little things, and crave validation more than men, and I have neither the desire nor patience to deal with those complexities in a partner. It’s not impossible that I would enter a same-sex relationship, but unless I ever find a woman with a more “male” mind who is attracted to me, I’m going to stick with dating men. The fantasy of a relationship with a very unique woman who I haven’t seen in five years, who is straight as far as I know, and who is probably very different from how I remember her, is not worth giving up a relationship with a man I connect with on a deep, personal level, enjoy physically, and find incredibly attractive both physically and mentally. (Though perhaps cutting back on the physical enjoyment would be wise right now)

        I’ve always found that once I’ve emotionally committed to a man, I can easily block out lust for other people. But in past experiences, the men left, and I experienced an unreasonable amount of grief. Perhaps my current lust issue comes from my hesitance to become emotionally invested in my new boyfriend too soon.

        You are right about my porn addiction problem. It used to be much worse. I have actually never looked at porn, but with the videos I watch, my behavior closely mimics that of a porn addict, and I have found sites like Your Brain on Porn helpful in moving away from this. Since you are still seeing signs of an addiction, I will take your advice to eliminate this completely.

        I think my main reason for questioning traditional church doctrines about premarital sex is the frustration I have with “True Love Waits” and “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” turning sexual purity into a prosperity gospel: telling young people that God will provide a wonderful spouse if they keep themselves pure, which is not something God ever specifically promised in scripture. This obsession with sex and policing the thoughts and bodies of young Christians strongly correlates with the decline of faith among Millennials; it was certainly a large part of why I lost my faith for six years. I developed crippling anxiety as a teenager trying to adhere to legalistic modesty standards. I’ve seen people get married too soon and too young because of their sexual urges, then get divorced after a few years. I’ve seen single people feel ostracized from church communities that glorify their married peers and neglect singles ministries. I’ve seen godly women become frustrated with waiting for “the one” and lower their standards, at the horrendously spinsterish age of 26. In all this I’ve found that sexual purity can become just as idolatrous as sex, and it is too easy for a church community to become spiritually abusive regarding this matter.

        However, I acknowledge that the ideal for sex is within marriage, even if so many churches turn that ideal into an idol. On the other hand, I don’t want sex to be the reason I get married. The modern custom of exclusive dating, let alone dating in one’s 20s, did not exist during Biblical times, and there is enough debate around the meaning of the Greek word “pornea” (usually translated as fornication) that it can be an ambiguous issue. I may ultimately have to treat this as a matter of conscience, and trust God’s wisdom and grace. Sounds like I need to work on defeating this addiction first, so I’ll just pray, talk things over with my boyfriend, and be more careful for now.

        1. I do pray that you find some answers for your current stressors. No one ever said life was easy and as we get older and face complexities, it would be nice to have very clear answers.

          I don’t follow the crazy emphasis the church places on ‘true love waits.’ There is an irrational amount of focus put on premarital sex and not enough conversations about other important aspects of relationships, sexuality, and realistic marriage expectations. I had read “I kissed dating goodbye” and thought it was rubbish to begin with and especially after the author got married in a short time after writing that book. Christianity and many Christians have an unhealthy view of sexuality which is why so many singles and married people are sexually stressed out. Satisfying one’s sexual need is like satisfying hunger, once it’s out of the way, then you start to look around and realize that your tunnel vision obscured a lot of other important issues and this can be true of Christians who have a great amount of sexual frustration.

          In regards to your past experiences in which “the man left” and your feelings of “unreasonable amount of grief.” Bare with me as I take notice of your choice in words. Those are very strong language which shows significance. I am going to venture and say that you are having some difficulty with your interpersonal relationships. Take some time to review those past relationships and look at what went wrong and what was good as well as the reason for your grief. Sometimes we place an extraordinary amount of expectations on ourselves and dependence on others when it comes to our happiness, feeling loved and acceptance.

          Take time to get to know yourself which is very very important. Too often we expect to be fulfilled from outside instead of within. It is always a good time to ask and honestly answer yourself regarding your wants, needs, compromises, expectations and deal breakers/things you absolutely don’t want in your life. Get to know yourself! I cannot stress that enough. Also, dating is the time to get to know your boyfriend and how you both coexist with each other. Rushing into a relationship or marriage for the wrong reasons typically spell disaster which is very evident in and out of the church.

          Keep in mind that sexual stress will always be a part of any intimate relationship in one form or another ie. if you are practicing abstinence then yes, if you are married and you both have varying sex drive, various schedules, kids, then yes. Do not make it the holy grail because in the big picture there will be other things that play an important role in your life: such as trust, dependability, consistency, support, caring for each other, open communication, finances, family, religion etc

          I do wish you the best and God speed in finding the answers in which you are searching.

          1. The church has helped create the society and culture we live in, but rather than being part of the solution for sexually-frustrated singles, the only thing the church knows how to say is “Thou shalt not commit adultery”, and anything beyond that to do with sex and sexuality is taboo. Very few churches are even willing to minister to us, the “older singles”, and even if they were willing to do so, the church doesn’t know how to minister to us. Yes, the church HAS “glorified” marriage, and one of the reasons is that the vast majority of church leaders are married. The church that I belong to is no exception. Our senior pastor and his wife are in their early-forties, and have three children (triplets). Our assistant pastor and his wife are in their early-sixties, and their children are grown and gone. They are responsible for the ministries to families and singles, but their singles ministry is “youth” and “college and career”, which means teens to early-twenties. Singles who don’t fall into the “youth” or “college and career” categories are left out in the cold.

            A generation or two ago, it wasn’t unusual for couples to get married in their mid-to-late teens, and by the time they hit twenty, they were married with children. Our society and culture now demand that young people finish high school, and going to college is strongly-encouraged. Our mobile society has also created an environment where developing strong, lasting, inter-personal bonds early in life has become all but impossible. In the past, it was quite common for couples to grow up together, often from early-childhood. I have very little contact with anyone I went to high school with, let alone anyone I knew earlier in life, because we moved around a LOT. My “high school sweetheart” is married to someone else, because after we had dated for a few months, we moved half-way across the country.

            Is it any wonder that older singles feel disconnected in most churches? Several years ago, not long after I lost my first wife, I found out about a ministry to older Christian singles in the area. I went to it one time, because the vast majority were divorcees and I was a widower. I might as well have been an alien from another planet, because we really didn’t have anything in common other than that we were all single.

            Yes, I still get randy-horny sometimes, and those who rarely go a week without sex, and haven’t in many years, do not understand what it is like. Even though I am still legally-married, I don’t have a real “wife”, and haven’t had in over eighteen months, so guess how long it has been since I have had sex… over eighteen months. Not having a wife has NOT turned off my libido. I don’t even have the option to date and establish another relationship.

            During the time that the Bible was written, early marriage, particularly for girls, was the norm rather than the exception. According to the Talmud, the Jewish law, a person became an “adult” on their twelth birthday. Jesus’s mother, Mary, was quite likely in her early teens when she had Jesus. By the time Jesus began His public ministry, Mary had already born and raised a house-full of kids and was a widow. Yes, a widow, in her early forties. Joseph was totally out of the picture by the time Jesus was crucified. Mary is the only one mentioned when Jesus performed His first miracle, when He turned the water into wine during the wedding in Cana. Mary and His siblings surfaced periodically throughout His ministry, but never Joseph.

            Do you ever feel like there is a huge cultural-disconnection between the Bible and the culture we live in? The Bible starts making a whole lot more sense when you begin to understand the culture and society in which it was written. The America of pre-indoor-plumbing and before the automobile was invented was much more like the time of Christ than 21st-century America is.

            God bless!

            Steve

            1. Steve,
              “Do you ever feel like there is a huge cultural-disconnection between the Bible and the culture we live in?” The answer to that is a resounding yes. The Bible is very culturally based in many ways and as Christians living in 2015, we have to interpret it according to our times. Marrying an ‘mature’ girl at 14yrs old is illegal in this day and age (in many countries). Women were considered unclean and was separated from men when their menstruation began but now that is nonsense. Some couples even have sex during a woman’s menstruation. People with certain illnesses were discarded from society and let’s talk about how they treated widowed and single women back in the day- they were part of the poor and mistreated if there were no males to claim them.

              The tight lipped issue of sex was probably the same then as it is now in the religious world (some things never change much); however now the secular world has more freedom. The means for sex was for procreation and prostitution was for men’s pleasure. The church cannot condone prostitution so we are left with sex for procreation in the marriage (and the extra marital affairs for pleasure :-). Keeping things that simple for a select group limits the fuss of addressing the complexities which occurs outside of the baby making goals.

              I can tell you though some, or should I say few, churches are making progress in addressing sexuality and the single population, there will always be a huge gap and lots of ignorance about the issue. Sexuality is a universally embarrassing issue and when people can avoid it then they will.

              1. ““Do you ever feel like there is a huge cultural-disconnection between the Bible and the culture we live in?” The answer to that is a resounding yes. The Bible is very culturally based in many ways and as Christians living in 2015, we have to interpret it according to our times. Marrying an ‘mature’ girl at 14yrs old is illegal in this day and age (in many countries). Women were considered unclean and was separated from men when their menstruation began but now that is nonsense. Some couples even have sex during a woman’s menstruation. People with certain illnesses were discarded from society and let’s talk about how they treated widowed and single women back in the day- they were part of the poor and mistreated if there were no males to claim them.”

                HarleyQ2,
                Before we get too hard on the Old Testament Jews, we need to understand where their laws and customs came from. When God established Tabernacle worship for the children of Israel, He gave them a system of laws covering nearly every facet of their lives. We know that Law as the “ceremonial law”, and it is contained in Leviticus 11-16. That is where all the laws of “clean” and “unclean” are spelled out. God required “purity” of His people when they worshiped Him, and if any person had some form of “discharge”, that person was “unclean”. It didn’t make them “unholy”, but it did make them “unclean” and not eligible to participate in worship. A woman’s “period” is a “discharge”, specifically a discharge of blood, which was one of the “life-fluids”. The other “life-fluid” was semen. In the middle of those requirements is the requirement that a couple go through “purification” EVERY time they have sex, not because sex is unholy, but because the man ejaculates semen during sex, which is both a “discharge” and a “life-fluid”. If a man had a “wet-dream”, ie nocturnal-emission, he was likewise “unclean” because he had a “discharge” of semen. The “uncleanness” of sex wasn’t because of the woman, rather because the man ejaculated.

                Those with skin-diseases were not “discarded”, rather they were quarantined. Their disease made them ceremonially-unclean, and anyone who touched them became unclean also. Some of those skin diseases were also contagious, so quarantining them was also a matter of public health. These were God’s rules, not just merely Jewish “customs”.

                The five books of Moses: Genesis, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy are fascinating reading, even though they can be a bit tedious at times, because they lay the ground-work for understanding most of the rest of the Old Testament.

                The Temple in Jerusalem was demolished by the Romans in 70 AD, and temple worship went away with it. Without temple worship, the ceremonial laws were unnecessary and disappeared with it.

                God established two systems to care for widows in the Old Testament. The first and preferred system was for Mom to be cared for by her oldest son. When Dad doled out the inheritance, the oldest son was to receive a double-portion, and the second portion was to be used to take care of Mom. Jesus performed His responsibility as Mary’s oldest son while He was on the cross, when He gave that responsibility to John.

                The second system kicked in if there were no heirs. That was when the deceased-husband’s brother was supposed to step in, marry the widow and have children in the name of the deceased. That brother was the “kinsman-redeemer”. For an example of the “kinsman-redeemer” principle gone wrong, look at Genesis 38 for the story of Judah and Tamar. What Onan did in Genesis 38:8-9, coitus-interuptus, would be an acceptable form of birth-control now, but it violated his responsibility to Tamar to give her an heir. To see how it was supposed to work, read the book of Ruth, where Boaz became the kinsman-redeemer for both Naomi and Ruth. Boaz was a type of Christ, our kinsman-redeemer.

                That is some of the background and back-story for some of your objections to how women appeared to have been treated in the Old Testament. I hope that helps.

                God bless!

                Steve

                1. Steve,
                  I am aware of the customary laws and the back story but I was responding to your question about viewing the Bible in a cultural context and those were examples of cultural contexts. Even in Jesus’ day, certain groups were not allowed in the inner sanctuary of the temple. Many of our modern day churches do not have such restrictions. As a naturist, your choices would be completely shunned in those days than they are now.

                  Despite those laws being put in place to protect the diseased, widowed etc, they were not being followed like any other society. Lepers were not contagious after a certain period but they would still not be considered a normal part of the society and therefore isolated and forgotten for the rest of their lives. Jesus on occasions talked about the caring for the poorer section of society like the widows, invalid, beggars, father less children, lepers etc. So, I will say yes there are cultural contexts to the Bible that cannot be ignored and needs to be reinterpreted for the 2015 Christian.

  5. I do not feel that masturbation is sinful. It is sad and ridiculous that so many people agonize needlessly over this. To me, masturbation is harmful only if you are obsessed with it.

    1. I do believe that this is one debate that will always have people divided. I do agree that like many other things masturbation can become an obsessive habit. Ultimately, Christians will choose what is right or avoid what is wrong for them.

  6. Where do I begin? First of all, thank you Sister Harley for tackling this very controversial topic. It seems to pop up anywhere Christians congregate to discuss things concerning our lives and the Bible. We have had a very lively discussion on masturbation on Christian Naturist Village, and there have been about as many opinions as there are persons in the discussion.

    For starters, masturbation is NOT prohibited in the Bible, even though lots of misinformed Christians like to point to Onan (Genesis 38-8-10). Yes, God did kill Onan, but not for masturbating. God killed Onan for refusing to give his wife children and an heir for her deceased husband. Sorry folks, but using that example doesn’t get the job done. Study your Bible before trying to pull that one on somebody, particularly on your naive young son who is looking to you for the TRUTH, not some BS. Yes, my parents lied to me too. Using any other Scripture to “prove” that masturbation is “sinful” or “prohibited” is taking texts out of context, which is a pretext.

    How about that command to “Die to self”? Contrary to popular opinion, that command does NOT include not taking care of our normal bodily necessities. Eating is NOT a sin, gluttony is. Drinking wine is NOT a sin, being drunk is. God created our sex organs and our sexuality for the purpose of not only co-creation, but also physical enjoyment. He also created those “sexual urges” we all feel when we haven’t “taken care of business” recently. I find it ironic that the loudest voices in the “Thou shalt not masturbate” camp are those of married folks who have long-ago forgotten what it is like to be single. My “urges” aren’t “normal”, but yours are? Give me a break… Don’t proclaim that crap, and then go home and have sex with your wife.

    Did Jesus go through puberty? Was He fully-human? To say that He didn’t go through a normal male puberty, including those wet-dreams and morning “woodies” is to deny that He was and is fully-human. The Apostle John has very strong words for those who deny His full-humanity – they have the spirit of the Anti-Christ. (1 John 4:1-3) Jesus was NOT asexual. He just never married or had sex. If you are going to stone Sister Harley, I will be right beside her as we are both stoned.

    Guys – if you want to eliminate those urges, go get castrated. That will definitely take care of that “problem”. Just don’t expect to be able to get married, have sex with your wife and father children afterwards. Otherwise, your thumb and four fingers are your best friend for now. Just do it in moderation, but do it often enough to avoid getting one of those nasty prostate infections (prostatitis), because those aren’t particularly easy to cure. Prevention is much better for you.

    In Christ,

    Steve

    1. LOL, I am aware I may have offended some with the statement that Jesus, if fully human, also had to experience the normal maturation of ALL males. The bible did not talk about him using the bathroom but no one will stone me (or you) if I said Jesus probably urinated and defecated, cut his nails, cleaned his nose and bathed because he needed it. Again, the reason for the upset, is because anything to do with sexuality is equated with being sinful; therefore, something to be avoided.

  7. All this lengthy discussion seems to avoid the obvious (particular reference to The Seventh Warrior) – God made us sexual beings, God created the sex drive, God did NOT turn off the sex drive while single (otherwise none of this would be an issue).

    As to holy and pure – there are other bodily processes that can hardly be considered “holy and pure”…. (unless your body functions differently than any other human body that I know of). We need to respect the natural sex drive that God created in us and manage it in a responsible manner no different than we manage our hunger drive, etc.

    Oh, yes, something about scripture… Well, I covered that above – but “does not even nature teach you…”. You bet it does – loud and clear!

    Best,
    In Him

    Greg

    1. I believe that the natural “sex drive” is the most confusing thing for many Christians. It’s natural which everyone understands but there is a social guilt that is imposed on Christians (married and single) which I also experience at times. This conflict makes sex and sexuality such a heated and bipolar topic (as noted from the responses I am still getting after the initial post).

  8. I’m not sure you’ve full grasped the idea of remaining pure. Being single and Christian is not just about Not having sex but it’s about dying daily, and fighting all things that will lead you down the road of impurity. It is indeed hard, but it isn’t biblical to use outlets other than Jesus. Try not to trust in your own understanding of things. That’s what gets us in trouble.

    I pray that you receive this with an open mind.

  9. This is so true, real talk… it helps a lot bcuz I don’t like talking about it, I don’t even want to tell others that I do, but if I do tell, I feel guilty and ashamed… this really helps no condemnation… I’m a Christian and it’s very hard, I don’t want to have sex with guys so I masturbated instead of going to a man I relieves my sexual desire… God for bid, I can’t help it, I prayed about it, stop doing it for a whileaand then I start all over again, but I would want to stop though, how can I?

    1. Vanessa,
      I wish I can give you a guaranteed answer but from a christian stand point you have to make a commitment to yourself and try to focus on other things when your natural sexual urge kicks in. The feelings are as normal as breathing; however, like any behavior that is difficult to control you have to set goals and take it one sexually charged moment at a time. Find other things that may distract you or redirect your energy. If you find that getting out of bed to watch tv for a moment, praying, even doing some exercise or activity that will tire your out and put you to sleep immediately should help. Take a cue from women in sexless marriage. Their biggest complaint for not having the urge is being too tired or too busy.

  10. So, is it a sin for a single Christian woman to masturbate? I know premarital sex is a sin but isn’t single masturbation better than sex before marriage? Is God ok with pleasing yourself or is any kind of sexual act restricted for marriage? for me, masturbation relieves period cramps, that’s why i do it, is that ok? please help!

    1. Christiangirl,
      Well, I will do my best to answer your question but ultimately you will have to search the bible, pray, and decide for yourself. Personally, I don’t see the sin in the act of maturbation. However, other Christians will say yes it is sinful because with masturbation comes sexual thoughts and the bible has spoken against ‘impure’ and lustful thoughts. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage is forbidden biblically. Christianity also extends that to include foreplay, oral, and anal sex with another person.
      Orgasm, according to research and those who have experienced it, which is the holy grail of any sex act has many benefits to include cramps relief, decrease stress, helps improve sleep etc.
      The one thing I can say is that if you are feeling guilt because of masturbating then that is something to look into as to why. I wish I could tell you it’s sinful or not but the bible has not address the act any more than it has addressed intimate kissing between two unmarried people.
      I don’t know if that help.

      1. Masterbation is such a touchy subject and I leave it up to each person to decide according his/her beliefs but it still needs to be a part of the Christian’s open dialogue on sex.

  11. I really like what you say here, I am single and christian and I don’t want to marry, so masturbation to me is a gift from God.. There are no lustful thoughts, just a good release from pressure.. Thanks for the encouragement..

  12. I agree that masturbation in itself is not sin, but we MUST not allow ourselves to have lustful thoughts before, during, or after it. It is not impossible to masturbate without having lustful thoughts, it just may not be as naturally intended as sex was meant to be. However, we can both simultaneously love God by seeking to obey Him by not distorting sex into a casual mind-engaging activity with others that do not belong to us in marriage, and we can choose to release while trying to push away any thoughts that are not of God.
    I cannot say I am perfect at this. I am a single man with a lovely girlfriend that I intend to marry within the next year, and her and I are really attracted to one another. What’s a man to do? Be pure. Seek to be pure and keep her pure, despite mistakes with myself or her, either physically or mentally, and run the race towards Christ that He set before us.
    Masturbate and relieve yourself, but do not allow yourself to have lustful thoughts.

    1. First, congrats to you both on your commitment to each other and future marriage. Second, what’s a man to do? Talk to your intended about the sexual stress or pressure you are BOTH feeling for each other. One way to relieve a bit of the pressure of your sexual attraction is to not let things be clouded in mystery and secrecy. As you said before, “mistakes” happen but you both will have a better understanding of what each other is facing together and apart when your minds linger a little too long on each other. After all, a year is a long time before you are religiously legal to engage in any sexual play and you both will definitely experience a few more “mistakes” prior to the nuptials. I wish you both the best.

  13. Harley, it really is a pity that so many of God’s people torture themselves with endless guilt. The one message from that poor girl of 22 who thought God was angry at her actually made me sad. So many people see God as what can only be.described as an abusive parent or a bad teacher. I know that this distorted view is what kept me from becoming a Christian until.I was 54.

  14. I do not believe that God is offended by masturbation. I think He is merciful and understanding. At least MY God is. I also feel that He is not an angry, prudish old man Who has nothing better to do than rant over people touching themselves.

    1. When you have been around Christians for an extended period of time, there is a distinctive vibe given that God hates anything that is sexually related.

  15. I agree with you on this. If your not married or something and you got the itch then you better scratch or else your gonna have some serious hormone issues thoughtout your day. Thank you for posting these things and makeing people like me feel a bit better about how we view things. Now if i could only find a wife … 😦

  16. I can’t believe I’ve never seen this post. I found it when it was linked to a more recent post. I really can’t follow you in good conscience. I hope you have a good life and a good walk in Christ.

  17. I cant reply directly on your comment 7th Warrior so I’m just writing it here. And sorry it’s so long I tried to get in everything you said and asked.

    I understand your comment came from the scriptures and I have researched, prayed and questioned this issue for awhile now. The reason I believe this issue is purely opinion based is because its not in the Bible, so other christians that I know have used certain scriptures to try and come up with their own belief of what God would want just as I have. So don’t be offended when I say thoughts on masturbation are people’s interpretation and opinions. I respect your beliefs and understand that your choices are due to your love of God. But believe it or not so are mine. He knows my heart better than anyone so He knows that I’m not being rebellious or stubborn on this issue. If He came to me at any point and told me ANYTHING I do is wrong then that thing would be gone lickkety split because my ultimate goal is to please Him not myself. But I have yet to get that message so I think I’m pretty OK.

    And I don’t listen to myself or people when I consider any biblical issue because people are inherently wrong and I include myself in that. It’s not like I have a hyper sex drive and I just want to get off daily regardless to what God or the Bible says. I’m so terrified of living wrong that I research things vehemently trying to weed out shady and biased articles or opinions. I pray about things constantly. And God has yet to send me a negative sign or show me that this is wrong. But if you believe it’s wrong then it’s wrong for you.

    I don’t claim to be an expert on religious beliefs and matters so I admit I’m not sure what purity is and what qualifies as pure/impure. DIfferent christians and churches all believe different things, and they all believe they have the Bible to back them up through scripture. So I’m not sure who to believe and who is right. Which is why I said I try to pray and figure it out through the Bible. And if I don’t come to the same conclusion as another christian it doesn’t make me any more or less close minded than they are.

    I and many other christians and preachers believe that God gave us these feelings and ways of release in order to prevent premarital sex. I don’t see how that would be impure. Purity equals cleanliness and there is not anything unclean, dirty, disgusting, or porn-o-rific about masturbation. I’m sure people can make it that way but not everything people make disgusting is wrong. Just look at sex. God gave us sex he wants us to celebrate it that’s why there is a whole book about sex and love in the Bible. But people have twisted it into something that is impure and unholy. But that doesn’t mean sex is impure and unholy in itself.

    You asked what I think about the scripture. I understand it, yeah but do I think that the line “…they have given themselves to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity” relates to masturbation? Honestly no and I know other christians including you will disagree with me. But the Bible is very specific about what is and is not a sin and what is and is not impure as far as sex. There are tons of rules on it in the Bible. Masturbation is nothing new. Its been actually historically proven that it’s not new. So if “no masturbaton” is not among the many sex rules in the Bible and I’m following the Bible and NOT people with their MANY interpretations of what ‘impure’ means, then I have to believe that God is okay with it.

    1. The reason why I’ve given you Scripture passage is that, I didn’t want to give you any opinion about it, but pointed you rather back to the Gospel. And I never mentioned in my comment that I’ve considered ‘sex’ not pure or not holy. We were talking about the topic: ‘masturbation’. We share the same view about sex. Yes there is nothing wrong in it by itself, but by how people treat it… specifically in unholy unions.

      Let’s get back to the main topic. You just gave me your ‘opinion’ that masturbation is not an impure act in itself… but you’ve never answered my other questions:

      IF YOU THINK THAT IT’S NOT IMPURE, THEN WHAT IS SO PURE ABOUT IT? IS IT HOLY AND HONORABLE ACT? IF GOD IS WATCHING YOU DOING IT, WOULD YOU THINK HE WOULD BE PLEASED ABOUT IT?

      Seriously, can you answer these questions directly?

      1. I gave the analogy of sex and masturbation to show that because something is sexual does not mean its bad/impure. I wasn’t trying to say anything about you and your beliefs.

        Also I said I understood the scripture. But how one interprets a scripture is based on what they already believe. You believe masturbation is wrong so you interpret ‘impure’ to include masturbation. Since I don’t agee that masturbation is impure then I don’t interpret the scripture in that way. No matter what you say what you take from the Bible is all interpretation. Be it literal or not.

        And honestly I’m not changing your opinion and you’re not going to change mine. I can say that masturbation can be pure because it prevents you from commiting the sexual sin that is actually written in the Bible. That God gifted us wiht sexuallity and that I thank God for my clitorus and the ability to feel pleasure because not everyone can. I can say that vague scriptures about purity does not prove anyones point. And you can say that it does and I’m ignoring the truth. I don’t believe you and you don’t believe me.

        I don’t know what God’s view of purity is. Maybe it is complete and total celibacy for all your life. And maybe God understood that in 2011 people won’t get married at 13 anymore so masturbation is Okay.

        HE watches all that I do and if He is displeased I’ll have to deal with it in the long run but He knows my heart. Not you or anyone else. As I said before He knows I feel that He gave us masturbation as a tool just as you believe He doesn’t like it at all. I think He’d be even more disappointed that issues such as this is what tears Christians apart rather than bring them together.

        There is a scripture that states (I’m paraphrasing here and the original scripture was about going to church but I think it applies here) One man believes that (masturbation) is wrong while the other believes (maturbation) is okay. Don’t condemn either man. Both men are doing so to glorify God and God judges the content of a man’s heart.

        You think that understanding the bible is simple and that man makes it complicated to fit their own needs and desries. Really? The book that has caused so many different branches of Christianity. So many wars and online arguments (lol)…And to understand the book is SIMPLE? Nah. Don’t think so. If you read the Bible simply and take everything at its exact word then why are you so set to add masturbation to a list of sexual impurities when it is not listed in the bible? If the scriptures are all 100% God breathed then I’m pretty sure HE doesn’t need your footnotes or corrections/ insertions on what you THINK should have been included. And for that matter He doesn’t need mine or anyone elses.

        Mayb he didn’t include it to see who would follow his word exactly or maybe to see who would study the word (more than just reading passages but seekiing the Word of God through all means).

        Or maybe He left it out to reveal dirty sinners like me for not mixing and matching verses to see how many things they can restrict themselves of out of love. And I don’t mean that as a negative thing. I deeply respect Chrisitans who rid themselves of everything because they feel that is what they need to do to find God. I applaud them. But do I agree? No. Does that make me wrong or them wrong? Not at all. Because God judges man’s heart and f they are doing it for Him rather than personal glory.

        I don’t believe in adding sins/impurities to the bible. Thats what the pharisees did (making the rules about people must wash their hands before eating and a whole host of other rules). Sure these rules made sense to them and alot of other people or else they wouldn’t have had so many people following/believeing them. But when Jesus showed up with his disciples it made Him angry because they were adding rules to His father’s word that were not there originally. Which is why I don’t fall for the hype if something is not in the Bible, I’m not going to believe it is right or wrong without solid proof. I’d much rather piss a few ppl on the internet off than have God ask why I was following the beliefs/rules of man rather than Him. His book. His rules.

        I don’t believe that anything and everything we feel in this flesh is evil. I don’t believe wanting to have sex is evil because God made me that way. Even before the fall of man people had sexual desire. It is a blessing! That’s what Song of Songs is all about dood. The purity of wanting to ‘be with’ or ‘know’ that love of your life. So sexual/ fleshy desires are not all evil. So what makes masturbation evil? You still haven’t even answered my initial question. Is it because it’s solo? Is it becaue we aren’t supposed to experience orgasm before marriage?

        Do I think He is pleased when people do it? I don’t know that’s weird to think about God watching people have any kind of sex. And yea it pleases me but so does wine, chocolate, and anything cheesy. All desires of my flesh or carnel/human body but is it impure if I eat a Hershey bar? Think not.

        You ask me to answer you question but you never even answered mine. My initial question is what is impure about it and you answered with what is pure? But that didn’t answered mine.

        ALERT: ANOTHER ANALOGY

        Some christians don’t believe in drinking any alcohol. They believe it is impure. I would ask what is impure about it and their rebuttal question is what is pure about it? How does it glorify God?

        The truth is it doesn’t. Yea God made alcohol so some Christians feel free to celebrate and show appreciation (sometimes too much appreciation which is the only sin.). Just like some people masturbate without regret because God made the penis and the clitorus and they want to celebrate it and all it can do and Thank God for being able to acheive that kind of pleasure.

        Same situation.

        I’m not claiming to have all the answers and I would NEVER dare say I knew what GOD wants/belives/feels because that’s soo not my place.

      2. 1. THE SIMPLICITY OF THE GOSPEL

        I pointed out that the Gospel is simple in the light of knowing good from evil, because It simply guides us to choose from two regions and no in-betweens: life and death, virtue and sin, light and darkness, obedience and disobedience. And Scriptures always remind and warn us to choose: life, virtue, light and obedience.

        There is but one great light. But when a person wears yellow glasses, he/she would perceive the light to be yellow. Another person could wear blue glasses, and thus that person would perceive the light to be blue. And when they start to share about the attributes of the light, each one would speak according to what he/she has perceived. Thus, arguments come in. But if they take off their glasses, they would come to see the light simply as it is. It goes to say, that there is but one great Truth. No matter how people try to interpret that Truth, it wouldn’t change the Truth that it is. In the same way that the light would remain as radiant white, even if one sees it as yellow, or blue.

        And how can one say if he/she is speaking about that one great Truth? The Lord has simply put this standard of truth in one sentence as He said: I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE. In Him is the hidden record and the great example of living a life of holiness, of purity, of obedience, in the light. Following the ways of the Lord is therefore, the greatest standard of that one great Truth, because He is Truth Himself. But humans like to complicate things. Our perception of this Truth is veiled by our own egoism, and selfish desires that we try to invent another way, which is most suitable to our concept of life that eventually leads us to create another truth. So then the complexity that you were talking about comes not from the Holy Words, but from the minds that perceive them.

        Even from this point that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, one can sincerely figure out himself/herself, if masturbation is indeed permissible in a Christian’s life. If we are to wear His mind, what would He think about it?

        2. NO IN-BETWEENS

        You can’t serve two masters at the same time. You can’t have your one foot on the ground of good and the other on the ground of evil. Even if a clothe is so white, when it is smeared, no matter how small that spot of dirt is, it would still be considered dirtied. You found it unreasonable when I asked you that if you think masturbation is not impure, then what is so pure about it, simply because, I have only known two choices for us to choose from in following our Lord. It’s either we choose light against darkness, virtue against sin, life against death. I knew you couldn’t answer that question. For indeed there is no purity in such action, for you are simply permitting yourself to give in to your carnality. It couldn’t even be called a good intention and it couldn’t be called a bad one either. It is somewhere in between. But in God’s definition of holiness, there is no such thing as in-betweens.

        3. IT IS NOT WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE

        Indeed masturbation is not explicitly written in the bible as something considered sinful. But so are graft and corruption, money laundering, abortion, euthanasia… etc. But we consider them sinful acts don’t we? ‘Coz under the light of the Holy Scriptures, they are forms of sins stemming from, stealing and killing… but why are we so vague when it comes to sexual impurities?

        Saying that God maybe wise enough to think that we don’t marry anymore at 13, and He may have understood our needs… connoting that He may have allowed us to masturbate because of this… now I can say that nowhere in the Bible can this thought of yours be found… Are you speaking in behalf of Him? Your thoughts are not His thoughts; yours ways are not His ways.

        4. HIDING FROM LIGHT

        Yes, it is weird isn’t it? To picture God to be watching you when you masturbate? I know. I used to do this before… a lot of times. I know how it feels. I even dreaded to be seen by a person, how much more by God? It feels awkward for Him to see what I was doing, ‘coz I know that what I was doing is something His Holy Eyes would not want to see. I wanted to hide with my indulgence. Even when I tried to justify myself by saying that I was just doing it to release my stress, I know that I wasn’t guilt-free, for I knew what ran in my thoughts every time I did it… of course, it is not something mechanical that it can come out just as simple as literally ‘flipping the bean’ … I knew the pictures I have to play in mind to stimulate myself… by indulging in those thoughts alone; I knew I have committed adultery.

        “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” –Matthew 5:28

        “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” – Matthew15:19

        “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh” – Galatians 5:13

        “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” – Galatians 5:19-21

        4. CALLED TO BE PERFECT

        “Be perfect, as your Father is perfect” –Matthew 5:48

        Yes I know that if we really have to consider the admonitions in the Holy Scriptures on how to live a holy life, I know that it would be like looking at the peak of Mt. Everest. And some of us might grumble and say that ‘No way! I don’t think that God is that serious to make us climb that height!’… This is the very reason why He has given us His Son to show us the way… and that we may walk in His footsteps.

        “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” – Matthew 7:13-14

        I used to masturbate in the past. I used to have your kind of thoughts. But the more I knew GOD, the more I learned of how He wants my life to be lived: in the likeness of His Son. And I was convicted that He does not approve of what I did. I DECIDED to obey Him, and He has given me grace to overcome such act. Now, does it mean that when I have practiced SELF-CONTROL over this act, I don’t feel the sensations of the flesh anymore? Like the rest, I feel the urges of the flesh. But the difference is, I do not indulge on them but call on God for help. There is no sin in feeling the sensations of the flesh; sin comes when we INDULGE in them, by thoughts and by acts. And you may think that this may be the will of God for me, but not for others? Will God wants His children to live Holy lives… everyone, not one is exempted:

        “God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:7

        I am but another miserable sinner, so far from perfection, like the rest. But it’s different when you are sinner struggling to respond to God’s call of holiness, than a sinner who is blind to which way to follow. Though I am identified with my brothers and sisters as being a sinner, but I’m setting my foot on the narrow way which leads to life everlasting. Do forgive me if I just can’t shut up, looking at my other brothers and sisters heading the broad road, which leads to destruction.

        I understand where you’re coming from, for I have been there. But I encourage you to seek more, and to desire to know His thoughts. Don’t stop in your pursuit of pleasing Him, even if it means sacrificing your comforts and what your own thoughts. To tread on that narrow path, is one tough choice to make. But it’s the only way to heaven.

        I’m not forcing you to change your mind, rather presenting a call to choose.

        IF THEN YOU HEAR HIS VOICE TODAY, HARDEN NOT YOUR HEART.

        PS: Forgive me for quoting Scriptures; it is thus to give evidence to my own testimony… for this is not to my own understanding. ‘Coz if it is? If I were going to have my own way? I’d rather not hassle myself in self-control, and enjoy my freedom.

        1. This really my view of God. Not going to post my name or email but what you said really helped me. Thank you.

        2. Just show us a scripture that totally says it is wrong to masturbate and leave out your opinions. You seem to think anything sexual is part of our sinful nature but then looking at your words below I see almost everything in life is part of our sinful nature so you must be near perfection if you can tell all of us that we will not inherit the Kingdom of God because of any or all of those things on your list. If you have never had any feelings that the rest of us have you are very lucky or neutered.

      3. I like this version better:

        “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” -Galatians 5:19-21

        (Emphasis on “lustful pleasures”)

    2. If man have to be very honest, it is simple to understand what is written in the bible. But since it would require them to abandon many of the things they crave or desire, they try to justify themselves by seemingly intellectual and logical reasons to get away and to give way to their fleshly desires… or ‘biological needs’ as they call it.That’s why they remain blind to what the Scripture is really saying about holiness, and their understanding so obscure to the truth of the word of God.

      “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”
      -Galatians 5:16-17

      IF ONE MASTURBATES, IS SHE/HE WALKING BY THE SPIRIT OR IS SHE/HE GRATIFYING THE DESIRES OF HER/HIS FLESH? IF SHE/HE DOES IT, WHOM DOES SHE/HE PLEASE? IS SHE/HE PLEASING THE SPIRIT OF GOD?

      EVEN IF THE WORD ‘MASTURBATE’ IS NOT EXPLICITLY WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE, IT’S PLAIN TO UNDERSTAND THAT IF WE DO IT, WE ARE THUS GRATIFYING THE DESIRE OF OUR FLESH – OUR ‘BIOLOGICAL NEEDS’ TO RELEASE ‘SOME’ IS IT NOT?

      “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”
      -Galatians 6:8-9

      Tina, you want to please God wouldn’t you? That desire is a good start. I’ll pray that you will indeed walk in the ways pleasing to HIM.

      1. I could not disagree more with your thinking on this subject. Do we live by the Spirit or the Flesh when we eat dinner or drink water, or when we defecate or urinate. We as human beings are fallen creatures and that is why, I believe, we stumble. I’ll tell you single men that if you hold back your semen,
        It can cause clear biological prostate gland problems. I am in a situation where getting married is not an option because of Alzheimer’s Disease and other major physical problems. Sex is a primal drive of us humans. I live by the grace of Christ. I need to masturbate; it is much better than abstinence. My Father does not even remember my sins because I am hidden in Christ. That does not mean I can sin wherever I go. But masturbation, give me a break!

    3. Let me add something to the mix. A long time time ago, I was in church and friend of mine out of the blue asked me if I thought oral sex (in marriage) was wrong. For the longest time anything outside the missionary position was considered impure. These days even though things have changed, there are still Christian women who will not consider any of the other 101 sexual positions in the marriage bed because it is ‘unholy.’ Married people masturbate with or without their partners present. Is it impure if a wife who still have sexual feelings masturbate while her spouse is doing a one year deployment or if they are having phone sex because of long distance? Is masturbation wrong/impure/unholy only because a single person does it? Or is it the problem with the thoughts of being with a partner during masturbation?

      1. I agree with ya harley that’s why I don’t understand why some people consider it impure when it can be done in marriage as well. Is it because it is done solo? I’ve never really gotten an answer.

        You also hit on another point that I have been trying to make. Beliefs on what is impure/pure constantly changes over time and it differs by christian or denomination. Some christians believe alcohol consumption, Harry Potter, Pokemon, hot beverages, girls wearing jeans, pierced ears, mainstream music, disney channel– and a whole host of other things are impure. Does this make it so? I don’t believe it does. But if you interpret it as such by all means do what you do.

        The scriptures provided to “explain” why masturbation is wrong don’t really do so. Since the idea of what is impure varies by person these scriptures often get mis used as ‘fill in the blank’ scriptures where the person inserts their belief of what is wrong and believe that this justifies that belief. But since those scriptures are non specific they can (and have been) used to say that a lot of things are bad, impure, or a fleshy desire. Since they can be used to discredit anything in turn they prove nothing if not backed up by specific scriptures condemning the actual topic at hand. Since there are no such scriptures about masturbation I think it is a bold assumption to say that masturbation belongs or should be included in the list of impurities when it clearly wasn’t included for a reason.

        The Bible is the Bible. Not a mad lib. You can’t insert words into vague scriptures to prove a point. It doesn’t work that way.

        Anyways I love your blog Harleyq it’s good to read the thoughts of a Christian who admits that it is tough to be perfect.

        But this is going to be my final post on this subject. I’ve got homework lol and it is no use arguing religion with people they are not going to see your side of things and I wouldn’t want them to. Don’t go off and flick the bean or whatever just because I say it is ok. Real Christians don’t follow man’s opinions but try their best to follow God. So please do research for yourself anyone who is reading this.

        I pray that you all are blessed. 🙂

  18. I totally agree with ya Harleyq2.

    I think the church has a tendency to believe anything and everything that is pleasurable must be a sin and therefore we must use self control to stop very natural feelings that have nothing to do with the media or porn but sexual urges are just part of being human.

    I came from a church that believes the scriptures are God breathed and therefore should be taken literally in every way.
    That is…it should be taken literally unless it contradicts with what most mainstream churches are saying. Then we get the “Well what God MEANT to say was…” or the “We an interpret this to include….”

    Sorry But I don’t believe that. Everything in the bible is wirtten for a reason and therefore everything NOT in the Bible is NOT there for a reason.

    Maybe God made our fun buttons so easily accesable because he knew we’d get urges as the age of marriage got higher and higher. It’s not my place to say that HE intended us to flick the bean but I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to say He didn’t intend for us to do it either.

    I don’t think masturbation is a sin UNLESS you think it is a sin but do it anyway. That is an example of someone choosing their own desires over God. Other than that I think it’s just a way to celebrate our sexuality. Churches make sex sound so negative that they forget that it’s supposed to be fun. (I know some christians disagree with this and believe in the whole sex for reproduction only thing).

    I thank God for my sexuality-urges and all-because I know they’re not wrong, dirty, or bad.

    Also I think alot of Christians need to research sex in the Bible and the real definition of sexual immorality. They’d notice that the definition has changed over the years and it was not always directed at both sexes.

    1. Can you share how the Bible originally defines sexual immorality? I would love to gain understanding of your statement “They’d notice that the definition has changed over the years and it was not always directed at both sexes.”

      1. The original term in the original language was ‘pornea’ which at the time meant sexually illegal, but is more often translated as sexual immorality or fornication. Acts that were sexually illegal at that time were prostitution, adultry and incest. Alot of churches use sexual immorality as an umbrella term to mean anything that has to do with sex, but I think that is recent thinking (well, not that recent) that originated from earlier churches when they rearranged the bible.

        There is alot of debate about the original meaning of the world, alot of it being people arguing that by using an umbrella term, it obscures the true teachings in the Bible to fit a man’s standard of what is sexually acceptable and what is not while the church argues that the original definition doesn’t matter.

        Also i’m not too good at thinking of bible verses to support my beliefs, but this guys really is: http://www.theswordbearer.org/spD011_sex.html

    2. ‘They have darkened their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity’ -Ephesians 4:18-19

      1. I don’t have a problem with being wrong. I actually like it better when people don’t agree with me so they can explain their understanding and I learn more. But no one has been able to explain why they think it’s wrong. It has always been ‘because the church says so’ but that’s not a very good reason to me. A lot of different churches believe alot of different things are wrong and they all believe that they have the Bible to back them up. So who is right? I find it easier to talk to God through prayer and read my Bible than to listen to a bunch of peoples biased opinions.

        I want to know what is impure about it? I know a lot of Christians say because a lot of ppl who masturbate use porn and are being lustful. But its very possible to masturbate out of boredom with no sexual figure in mind.

        Can anyone explain it to me?

      2. Tina, I have not said a single word coming from my ‘own opinion’ concerning your issue with who’s right or not when it comes to this topic. I just simply quoted a verse from the ‘Scriptures’ not from any ‘churches’ or ‘persons’. It was – A WORD FROM GOD. I was just curious what you think about that verse.

        I am pleased to know that you want to seek ‘God’s mind’ in this issue, when you said that you want to hear ‘Him’ in your prayers. So i’m wondering… what have you heard from ‘Him’ so far? And… are you really hearing ‘His voice’? or your voice? or someone else’?

        What do you think He thinks about purity?

        If you are so closed-minded as to what ‘church people’ say about this topic, then better have a search on your own, on WHAT REALLY GOD THINKS ABOUT THIS.

        You were asking what is so impure about it… I want to throw back a question to you… WHAT IS SO PURE ABOUT IT? IS IT HOLY AND HONORABLE ACT? IF GOD IS WATCHING YOU DOING IT, WOULD YOU THINK HE WOULD BE PLEASED ABOUT IT?

        Yes, there is no denying that we feel this thing going on in our flesh, because our flesh is yet in its fallen state… that’s why I understand that the Lord is warning us about these dictates coming from our flesh against the dictates of His ‘HOLY’ Spirit… and in fact, it’s a CHOICE that we have to make. It is a constant struggle and a tough choice to WALK IN THE WAYS OF THE LORD, WHICH CALL US TO LIVE HOLY LIVES.

  19. I praise God the the saints that commented and rebuked the false teaching on this post. Seeking self gratification is not loving God nor others thus not fulfilling any of the commandments of Christ. Trust in the Holy Spirit through obedience to Scripture.

    You were right in saying that praying was a good resource in fighting your urges, but I have to disagree with all of the other remedies

    1. It is my opinion and everyone who posts have their own opinions which I respect. If you don’t believe in masturbation then good for you. However, I disagree. I guess I will have to take it up with God.

  20. Yes… there are a lot of details not mentioned in the bible… but does it mean that all the details not mentioned there are certified true and correct? Unless supported by concrete evidences… opinions are considered ‘assumptions’ according to what one thinks of how things run in his/her own point of view… and are not necessarily correct… now assumptions are separated from facts… facts are naturally occurring…like eating, drinking, talking and all things humans do.. And it is logical that Jesus himself did those things as He was in His human flesh… but then, there is another aspect that needs to be considered… Jesus is not purely human… He is God-man… And God is Holy… Just because He is God in human flesh, doesn’t mean that He has lost His Holy Deity. He is still holy nonetheless contained in human flesh. Now my point being why I said that if you had the correct ‘concept’ of His holiness… then you wouldn’t have that kind of idea that Jesus would have had wet dreams (or night emissions) as ‘purely’ humans naturally would have (I never wrote that you were implying that Jesus is sinful, my point however focuses on your misconception of His holiness and His TRUE nature as God in human flesh)…

    To assume immediately that He might have had those urges as we naturally have because He became human like us, discounting the fact that He is still God, would lead to fallacy… because that assumption is made without considering all the facts.

    And this is the big difference… He is God; he was born without sin, while we were born carrying that sin in our flesh. It is sin that excites the urges of our human flesh, and that explains those inordinate desires… now let’s not talk about history or the starting point of it all since it all started since the fall… Jesus did not share that starting point of our humanity… He doesn’t have sin in His flesh that would have ignited urges that we are too well familiar of… Have you even tried to explore the logic why He has chosen a virgin to bear Him? Have you even tried to question why it took God thousands of years before He carried out the fulfillment of the Messiah’s coming into the world? For all the those thousands of years he couldn’t find such a pure vessel with the purest heart to receive Him until there’s the Blessed Virgin Mary, who, by the great faith of her parents was consecrated to be conceived without original sin. And therefore gave way for God’s Holy nature to be agreeably indwelled in human’s flesh without being tarnished… or infected by the weakness (sexual) of our flesh…

    “I am sure his parents had expectations of him to marry but again the bible did not talk about such things.”

    Again… what made you state this assumption? Because this is how humans think right? Practical right? But did you even try to validate if your opinion is even correct to start with, within the context of the facts given in the bible? Do you even know Mary and Joseph? Do you even know what runs in their minds when they had raised the Holy Lord under their care?

    Using your very good analogy of how humans might think… analyzing their kind of environment, their history, their family background… let’s use that then and let’s see where those facts would lead us… Let’s start with… Jesus did not have materialistic parents who think about practicality and money (as most of us think nowadays)… as the couple who raised Him are spiritual and had dedicated themselves to God. Of course, humans in a different context of treatment of beliefs would think otherwise right? The Bible gives us the details of, Mary (the mother of God) being raised under the care of St. Joaquin and St. Ana who are very dedicated to God, and who are very faithful servants of the Lord… Mary dedicated herself in the temple… remained pure… and understood the Holy Decrees of God passed on by their ancestors.. and She understood very well the coming of the Messiah who was mentioned in the prophecies of the old to be born of a Virgin (not knowing that time that it was her) to save the whole world… then an Angel came to her and announced to her that she would bear the Messiah… and when she said ‘May it be done unto me according to your word’… now, this doesn’t seem like she doesn’t understand the role of the child to the world for her to think that her son should marry does she? Unless she doesn’t know anything about the salvation plan, and she doesn’t know the purpose why she had that child… but I doubt that Mary didn’t, for the ‘detail’ in the bible states that she accepted her task as the mother of the Savior. She understood her role and the role of the child Jesus very well.

    And now there is also this man, whom what the Bible referred to as a righteous man named Joseph who has great faith in God and who has great knowledge of the decrees of the Lord and the prophecies of the old foretelling the coming of a Messiah… And then at that night when he was about to leave Mary when he found out that she pregnant (not knowing that time that it was by God’s grace) was told by an Angel in his dream that Mary has begotten the Son of God, conceived of the Holy Spirit… and Joseph took heed of that dream and married Marry… now I don’t think Joseph wouldn’t have had understood the task that he has just accepted when he accepted Mary and the child Jesus, would he?

    So saying that Jesus’ parents (Mary and Joseph) has expectations of Him to marry is a big misunderstanding of the word, if not, an unknowing of what is really written in the bible. And of course, the Bible would not talk about such things… because it is not true in the first place.

    So what kind of details are you talking about? These details are given, but the problem is, how you make out of them… of course if you’re looking for details that would support your opinion you would find none…

    “The bible did not talk about masturbation either; however, it is a human fact that we have urges. ”

    “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.”

    ” that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;’”

    “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.”

    Why would the Apostle Paul address those things in his letters to the churches that are recorded in the Bible in the first place if not for the acknowledgment that these weaknesses in us are ever present, and even that he admitted the conflict of his body and the yearnings of the Holy Spirit that is living in him… and him attributing the help of Jesus to save Him from such… and… Masturbation is but one of those impurities, under the context of indulging with lust we feel in our own flesh…

    I have to reiterate that I’m not denying your ‘human fact’ that we have urges as I have acknowledge that in me too… the question being is in the choices we make out of those urges… would we give in to our cravings or choose to abstain and live holy?

    “The question which you have not addressed is HOW do you handle that as a single?”

    The reason that I have not addressed your question as how you wanted it to be addressed maybe is that, I don’t have the how… I don’t claim I know how… as I have acknowledge that I am weak to it… and I do not trust my own strength… so yeah, I don’t have the solution… and I don’t think any human would have had… I am however, relying on God’s grace… because only by His Grace will we able to conquer such inordinate desires that can lead us to sin against our own body, as we treat it in a such dishonorable way…

    “What makes masturbation wrong? or is it just wrong for a single but okay in the context of marriage?”

    I think I have already addressed the subject in my previous writing… I just want to throw a question back to you… If it is not a sin, do you think it’s holy?

    ‘It is nice to quote the bible (above versus talks about fornication and lusting after someone in one’s heart) but like alot of things people do not get practical.”

    Not practical? Maybe you mean… you’re not or we’re not practicing it? But I don’t think that it’s the same with… you/we can’t practice it. Again… the issue is… it’s not us who can solve this, not by our own strength… so I’m pointing you back to the Holy Spirit… whom Jesus left for us, as He coined as, as our Helper… knowing that our flesh is weak.. Jesus sends the Aid the Help us with our troubles… But how do we even treat that Aid for our weaknesses? oooh… like most of us do nowdays… we trust not Him but our own strength and understanding… and look what misery and chaos it brought!

    “The Bible did not talk about domestic violence, child abuse, rape so as christian we need to put that in context as well instead of just sprouting versus with no practical application. ”

    Sorry.. but I’ve found many verses in the Old Testament having recorded all the brutality and abuses of our race… and need I post the Ten Commandments here stating how God addressed those?

    But oh… He gave us a New Law: Love one another. And I mean seriously… do we even understand what it means to follow it? Or do we even understand what really Love is?

    God has never failed to show us, to guide us, to make known to us… the problem is, are we even listening? Are we really seeking the ‘truth’? Are we really learning? Are really trying to make our lives as He wants it? Are we even trying to do His will… or Our will?

    “I wants Christians to be honest about the things that are not mentioned in the bible that we face with daily and how we deal with it because not everyone gets on their knees and pray when the sexual urges hit.”

    Are you trying to imply that the solution you have is better than what God has for His Children? And that is, for His Children to rely on Him for help, to take heed to the leading of the Holy Spirit and to ask for strength to withstand these downfalls? I was honest when I said I have these urges… and I am weak to it, and for how many times I failed as well… but God never failed to give me grace.. I used to that as often as I could in my younger days… God has given me the strength to refrain… without Him, I’m left with the cravings of my flesh… He never fails to aid…

    “Believe me I am as good bible student as anyone and was raised with religious studies classes and church all my life, so there is nothing there that I have not read before.”

    But the question is… Have you really understood what you have read?

    So that is how you think… now how about how God thinks?

    “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.” – Isaiah 55:8

    1. Just a clarification on my line “Jesus is not purely human”… i think that wrongly said… what I’m really trying to say is… Jesus was not only human, He is also God. He is God in Man.

    2. -Why God chose a virgin: As far as I have heard according to bible scholars is because that was the only way to dispel any human concerns that Jesus was born of man instead of God. If she was unmarried and a virgin is it unlikely that people would say that he was Joseph’s child.

      -Mary may have had the concept of Jesus’ birth and like so many Jews they expected Jesus to be a political and national leader not a spiritual figure. Hence the opposition he had and the Jews are still waiting for him to come. There was a verse when Jesus said to her as a child in the temple that he had to be about his father’s business and she held that in her heart. No one knew what Jesus’ ministry was about except John the Baptist (the forerunner). Hence, the introduction of baptism and forgivenss of sins without sacrifices and priests. Paul when persecuting the church thought he was doing God’s will until the road to Damascus when the Lord gave him awake up call pretty much saying you had it all wrong.

      -Jesus’ humanity is very real because if it was not then the devil would have known to not try to tempt him with worldly things: food because he was hungry, the kingdoms of the earth, jumping off a high place. Jesus had both divinity and humanity and the bible states that he was tempted in all points as us humans. The reason the bible points out his humanity is because it would have been easy for people to say he is God nothing mattered to him. Jesus showed the most obvious of human traits before he was to be crucified in the Garden.

      -In terms of expectation for marriage: as I said before people did not expect a spiritual leader but a political hence, the reason herod try to have him killed as child because he feared for his political stature. The bible indicated that Jesus was an ordinary man until his ministry started in his 30’s. He is also known as the carpenter’s son (Joseph) and expectation of the times is that the son needed to learn a trade. Jesus was not just sitting around praying but he did, as the bible stated, followed all the Jewish tradtions and culture. It would have been unthinkable for him to not honor his mother and father (commandment). And it was also cultural expectations for the women and men to marry. It is not a stretch to expect Jesus to marry because that was expected.

      -I do believe Mary and Joseph were spiritual but practical as well. They were of the working class section of society (Joseph’s trade) and they had children either after Christ was born (or Joseph had children before) whom they had to feed. Hence the bible mentioned his brothers.

      -St. Joaquin and St. Ana ? I have not seen any of those in the king James version unless you are talking about Ana the prophetess who was mentioned in the beginning of the gospel story and it said she would see the Messiah before she died which she did. There isn’t much in the KJV that gives a lot of details about Mary and Joseph.

      -“If it is not a sin, do you think it’s holy?” I don’t think masturbation is a sin neither do I think it is holy. It is just one of those things that is. Its like answering the question Is kissing a sin or holy? Maybe I am being technical here but fornication and adultery was an issue when Paul wrote his epistle and this is just a guess but maturbation was not even something we want to talk about now so how much likely that someone would confess to something like that then. Lust means something different. I can lust without touching a hair on my body. I can lust in the middle of a crowded room because lust involves the mind of wanting something sexual from someone else. The question is then is maturbation a sin in marriage as well?

      -As I said, the bible did not mention specifically on how to handle a lot of issues that are major issues today but not then. Take for instance child slavery or owning a human as property and the Bible talks about the slave being obedient to their masters and vice versa. Girls were married at the estimate old age of 13 years old due to their fertility (no invitro in those days) which is accepted but today would be considered child abuse, a sin.

      – I do not imply that my way is better than God’s. I am saying that maturbation is not a sin but a means to an end to help the very sexually frustrated and it’s a great way to find out about one’s own body as well. The problem is most single christians get into situation with men and women that usually leads to sex or sexually related acts outside of marriage because they have ignored their sexual feelings. Most older christians and a lot of the younger ones as well are not married as virgins. Paul even talks about the fact that some people’s urges are so overwhelming he encourages them to marry instead of engaging in fornication or continuous lust of the mind for someone else.

      -As I have said, I wanted to talk about something that a lot of christians are faced with and a act that nobody talks about. If this is not something that is right for you and you believe it to be a sin then that is your choice. The same that comes with anything sexual is not sinful per say but a stigma that anything sexual in or out of marriage, even the topic is sinful.

      I appreciate you take the time to post about this topic 🙂

      1. Sorry for taking me this long to reply… I have had my hands tied with a lot of things I couldn’t find time to organize my thoughts for a yet long reply… Just to answer the issues you’ve raised..

        As you have heard with scholars? How about what you think of what is written in the bible? No wonder why it never occurred to you that the reason might be, the very essence of the indwelling of the holiness of God in a human’s flesh… does it have to be what others think? Does God really care about what others think? He is still God no matter what and even if others think pig out of Him, He is still what He is… and He is HOLY… He is Holy and He is just being true to His essence by entrusting such holiness to a blessed and pure virgin that is untarnished of whatever stains of humanity (in a spiritual sense)…that His holiness may find an agreeable dwelling… and this is to fulfill the prophecy: ‘The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.’ Isaiah 7:14. SO IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT OTHER’S MIGHT THINK, IT’S ABOUT HIM BEING WHO HE IS – A HOLY BEING… and as far I know… God is not a politician to concern Himself of those kinds of thoughts… to dispel human concerns???

        ‘Mary may have had the concept of Jesus’ birth and like so many Jews they expected Jesus to be a political and national leader not a spiritual figure.’ BUT MARY IS NOT LIKE MANY JEWS. That is the very reason why She was chosen out of the many because She has such great faith that can channel God’s infinite power. A kind of faith that would give way to the fulfillment of prophesies. And you were referring to that verse regarding Mary and Joseph’s finding of the Child Jesus in the temple… you seemed to forget this key verse: ‘But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.’ – Luke 2:51. It is unusual for a common Jew whose understanding is too clouded to expect Jesus to become a political leader or have His own family to treasure such pronouncement of Jesus in her heart… why didn’t the Scriptures support your ‘perhaps’ and should have said Mary was confused of what Jesus said because this is not what she thinks Jesus should be about doing!??? To treasure such pronouncement in one’s heart means that She believes… She acknowledges what’s being said… and Her heart is in full recognition of its truth. Paul is just totally different story.
        ‘ Jesus’ humanity is very real because if it was not then the devil would have known to not try to tempt him with worldly things: food because he was hungry, the kingdoms of the earth, jumping off a high place.’ But notice that there wasn’t a mention of sexual temptation? Why would the enemy tempt Him of something that He isn’t prone of? Wouldn’t be that a stupidity on His part? All the temptations he gave were pertaining to abuse of power.
        Your assumption of ‘expectation for marriage’ by His parents is never supported in the Scriptures. You always miss the point or invalidate the fact of Mary’s and Joseph’s immaculate characteristics whom understood very well and took heed the will of God. I mean, why would God entrust His son to individuals who would misunderstood His plan of salvation? Who would think of His Son, the Messiah to marry someday or to become a political leader or a businessman? Or who doesn’t understand His will in the first place?? Why would God risk such a plan in a circumstance where it would be misdirected? IF God could’ve just given such a task to any of the ordinary Jews then He shouldn’t have just waited for thousands of years for the fulfillment of prophesy should He? If it’s not a big deal to find anyway….

        ‘I do believe Mary and Joseph were spiritual but practical as well. ‘. You have to define what you mean by being practical. Coz as far as I know, they were spiritual, and working for their livelihood serves their spirituality… not the other way around as what most of the people now do nowadays… so that kind of thought is not popular among them, at least for Mary and Joseph. As I’ve learned… Jews don’t have a distinct term for their other relatives that time… that they would only refer to their close kin using the term, ‘brother’ or ‘sister’… Jesus having referred to some of his brothers and sisters in the Bible meant his close relatives, or cousins… Mary remained a virgin, before and after Jesus’ birth… She remained pure, and immaculate.
        And I have to reiterate this. God does not think like you do, neither do those persons who understood and obeyed his will like Mary and Joseph.
        The Blessed Mother’s parents are not mentioned in the Bible. They were however mentioned in the Apocrypha – Christian texts that are not canonical. And by the way, I had the names misspelled. They were St. Joachim and St. Ann/Anne. The Apocrypha discusses more on what kind of dedicated life the said blessed couple have had for God.
        “If it is not a sin, do you think it’s holy?” ‘… 🙂 as you mentioned that Bible passage regarding sinning in your heart and mind… that does not necessarily deal then with external actions does it? but with what’s going on inside one’s heart and mind… actions are but products of what’s going on in the mind… so whenever you do a thing, you are judged with the weight of your intentions… to answer that kind of question then, as well as to answer questions in that same context is to ask one self, what’s my intention of doing this? Am I honoring that person I’m doing it with or not? Am I honoring myself as to follow God’s command of honoring oneself to live holy as He is Holy? Do I seek to express my love for that person in this way or do I let my urges overwhelm me that I tend to use the other to satisfy my own needs and I end up using him/her instead (for married couples)…

        ‘ I don’t think it is a sin neither do I think it is holy’ There’s no such thing as neutral, middle, or gray in God’s judgment. There’s only evil or good, black or white. So if it’s not holy, then it isn’t holy… what isn’t holy is sinful… if it’s not good, then it’s bad, if it’s not white then it’s black.

        Back to my point with ‘your promotion of masturbation’… so you mean when one masturbates he/she doesn’t lust? 🙂 I borrowed a definition from Mr. Webster he defined lust as: intense sexual desire or appetite, uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or craving. Well grammatically, it didn’t really put a direct object there… just defined that lust is to have that kind of state… so technically, when you masturbate… you are in lust… or indulging in lust… doesn’t have to be with someone, you’re still in lust… so lust is not different… however an integral part of such inordinate act of masturbation… A DRIVING FORCE BEHIND… or even if use your own definition of lusting after someone… why not? Don’t you use others in your mind or lust after someone to stimulate you in that self-indulgent act? And look! Let’s check what’s going on in your mind and that time??? Are they even close to holy at all? It’s not alien to me because I’ve been through it…
        ‘As I said, the bible did not mention specifically on how to handle a lot of issues’ You seem to forget that there is what we call, Old Testament, and the New Testament. And that in the New Testament all the rules in the old are summarized into: Love. The New Testament teaches us to love one another. And I don’t see why it is not applicable in today’s issues.

        If we follow such rule, do you think there would be anyone who will do harm to another? Abuse, cheat or mistreat another?

        ‘As I said, the bible did not mention specifically on how to handle a lot of issues that are major issues today but not then.’ Though God did not specifically mention what to do when these things happen, His justice works in the authorities to bear consequences to the offenders… but generally, He has spoken of the time of His judgment… and thus those whom He’ll judge evil would be punished with eternal death. He is not sleeping… He knows all those things that are happening… and I don’t think that He is enjoying what He sees… He has withheld His justice however for His great mercy for all! It yearning to see all to turn back to Him… but His judgment is imminent… and He sees everything.

        The problem is, we do not take heed of this very simple, integral, and perfect law of Love… and we go on exploring other means that only bring us more misery. I mean seriously, there had been a lot of sociologists who try to invent means of ending the problems of humanity… but does one of what they’ve invented really brought forth lasting change? Does it even last? Does it work???

        Masturbation is a sin. It is a sexual (another definition from Mr. Webster: implying or symbolizing erotic desires) sin. It is a sin against one’s self. It is not true that the bible did not address this issue. The solution it provides is to avoid these things, and not to indulge in sexual cravings that can lead one to sin against oneself (‘Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.’ – 1 Corinthians 6:18). It does make sense when St. Paul said it’s better for one to marry than to indulge in sinfulness… masturbation included. It would be better that you have someone, sanctified in marriage to help you with these… than to burn in lust with yourself or to fornicate..

        And it is not true that God did not address this issue… or did not provide in the bible what to do with these things… simply He advised us through His messengers to take heed to the Holy Spirit. Taking heed means choosing on an inspiration. It involves a DECISION. For all sins begin in the mind… God advised us of what to have in our minds… and that is to have our minds set on heaven… to wear the mind of Christ… and this again involves a DECISION. It is a choice that we need to make. What sets us different from brute animal, or from dogs that deal with their sexual urges anytime and anywhere they want if we focus solely on what we feel? We are rational beings… our rationality is the very difference we have from animals. We have such dignity. Feelings do exist in us and they can be overwhelming, but then… we can choose what to make out of those feelings… and we can actually make our feelings subject to our will. How can we be called masters of our own if we let our feelings rule over us?

        I am speaking in the position of a single woman who used to masturbate a lot in the past, and how I found such grace from God to overcome that stench and how God has been giving me graces to sustain my decision of living a holy and honorable life… and He never failed to provide for my needs… I begged and asked Him out of my miserable weakness.. And He answers… He never fails to give if we humbly ask of Him… taking heed to His way… not mine… And I chose His way ‘coz I found it way better than mine… better is an understatement… His’ is best. I remember how I used to do that, and however I felt such release after the act… I never felt good, there’s this unexplainable guilt within me… But I used to disregard for the temporal enjoyment and satisfaction I get… but it has just done more damage on me than help… But with His way, I gained more respect for myself and believing that others would treat me in that way too.

        I don’t have problems with you raising issues here about things that are really happening nowadays in the churches and in the whole world… I was rather pointing some truths that you have not considered or disregard. It’s good to discuss these things, but may we not depart from the truth that might mislead others. Rallying our own misconceptions can be a very fatal ground for the enemy to mislead many more others, especially those who are weak in faith.

        May we not be deceived with our own understanding and seek His ways always… Coz He is the only way, the truth and the life.

  21. To recognize that masturbation along with other sexual acts is a sin is not denying the fact that we are weak to such desires of the flesh… and it is not denying that the flesh is naturally inclined to it… that is why there such a thing called the battle between the inclincations or cravings of the flesh against the inspirations of the Holy Spirit…and since it is a battle… we are prune to suffer attacks… But aren’t we called to put to death the desires of the flesh and to take heed to the leading of the Holy Spirit to live in holiness?

    It is suffering for our part… yes, because we are living in two contradictory natures… the nature of our fallen flesh, and the nature of the Holy Spirit that is living in us… and we know well the warnings telling us that following the former drags us to death, while taking heed to the latter leads us to life…

    It is after all… A CHOICE. And each choice has a consequence…. as for me… I would want to choose life and I understand that I have to bear sufferings denying the flesh… Am too is very weak when it comes to it…. but I continually pray to the Holy Spirit that He would give me the strength to withstand the temptations of my fallen nature… I have fallen many times… but I’m not giving up the fight…

    1. When you say maturbation and sexual acts are a sin? Are you saying in the context of being single or in general married or single? And a curiosity of mine. How do one turn on and off those God given urges (women naturally become more aroused around the release of the egg and this is to ensure copulation and fertization).

  22. ‘Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.’ – Leviticus 19:2

    ‘It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;’ – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6

    ‘They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way.’
    – Ephesians 4:18-20

    ‘Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.’ – Colossians 3:5

    ‘Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.’ – 1 Corinthians 6:18

    I’ve searched and searched texts in the bible supporting what you are saying in your article… I haven’t found any… on the contrary… I found passages supporting the principles of the churches against your propaganda… There’s not a single text in the Holy Scriptures saying it is ok for a man or woman to masturbate…

    And regarding your comment about our Holy Lord… If you know what it means of Him being a Holy God, born without sin of a woman’s flesh who was also conceived without sin… then you wouldn’t have that kind of idea…

    ‘Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.’ – Galatians 6:7

    1. It is interesting that the bible does not talk about alot of things. I never implied that Jesus sinned. Jesus was also fully human so he had lots of things that are attributed to humans and to ignore that is to deny his humanity. I assume Jesus used the bathroom like others but the bible does not talk about that. I am sure his parents had expectations of him to marry but again the bible did not talk about such things. The bible did not talk about masturbation either; however, it is a human fact that we have urges. The question which you have not addressed is HOW do you handle that as a single? What makes maturbation wrong? or is it just wrong for a single but okay in the context of marriage? I have heard those versus before so have every christian. It is nice to quote the bible (above versus talks about fornication and lusting after someone in one’s heart) but like alot of things people do not get practical. The Bible did not talk about domestic violence, child abuse, rape so as christian we need to put that in context as well instead of just sprouting versus with no practical application. Believe me I am as good bible student as anyone and was raised with religious studies classes and church all my life, so there is nothing there that I have not read before. I wants Christians to be honest about the things that are not mentioned in the bible that we face with daily and how we deal with it because not everyone gets on their knees and pray when the sexual urges hit.

  23. What a topic. I think folks need to do what they need to do to keep sane in a crazy world. I don’t believe that masturbation is a sin. However, I have found that men who masturbate excessively make poor lovers, because they are so used to using their fist; no mouth, vagina or handjob from a woman will have the same pressure as their fist. As with anything else moderation is the key . Here is a link to an interesting article: http://hiphopwired.com/2010/07/13/woman-masturbates-to-death/

    1. Jules, that story was just low. I can’t image what people say to her family. I agree that like everything else in life that there needs to be moderation. Sex and masturbation can become a compulsion which is very different from people who chose to deny those feeling because they think it is a sin. Men or women who is an addict will not have a problem with denying themselves pleasure by whatever means necessary.

  24. Well said. I think alot of the restrictions regarding sexuality come from man and their hangups and not so much from God. I saw that documentary on The History of Sex. Very interesting stuff. More people should watch it.

    1. I do agree that men throughout history has put very stringent restrictions on anything remotely sexual and mostly for women not themselves. Usually the ones who are screaming the loudest against these types of discussions are the ones who happily indulge. The fallen tv ministers are an excellent example.

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