Navigating The Dating Mind-field

Dating is the necessary evil that single Christians have to go through to find that person of your dreams or run into the person of your nightmares. I find it a “necessary evil” because I absolutely hate dating. The idea of starting over with someone new for each first date is as exciting as going for a pap smear.

The complaint of most single Christians past the age of 30 is that there is a shortage, specifically for women, of mates in the church. Because places like bars and clubs are out, then that leaves meeting someone during your daily activity or taking your chances with online dating.  

The mind-field starts with finding the date. As a Christian woman who is ready to settle down, I have started making somewhat of an active effort to meet Christian men. I have changed churches a few times in the last couple years hoping that a new church (same denomination) would result in an eligible bachelor. However, I keep coming up empty-handed because there is nobody on the market. So I decided to expand my options and tried internet dating twice for a one month stretch each time. I realized that I am just not the internet type of person. This was a process that was too artificial for me. The first person I met chastised me about eating my vegetable and did not fully pay for the meal. The next person seemed to have potential but it turned out that he had major self-esteem issues. He had to go and my internet dating experience was definitely over!

So I decided to join a social group. I figure I could have fun and possibly meet some guy who shared a social interest as myself. Well, that came up empty-handed but I had and is still having fun with the group.  I decided to follow-up with my own personal  interest in hopes that this would open some opportunities but so far nada.

Needless to say, this finding an eligible Christian bachelor is not going too well for me and it can be a little frustrating when I do get around to thinking about it. When I was in college, I first heard the term”missionary dating.” My understanding is that a Christian would date someone non-Christian and convert the person while having a relationship with him/her. Sounds interesting! The problem is I do not have the patience for all that. I am looking for someone who already comes qualified in the field of Christianity. I am sure you are saying good luck with that.

The unequally yoked warning in the bible is there for a reason. For  me, unequally yoked could also be with Christians of differing beliefs. I already know what I am getting into with a non-Christian but when it comes to another Christian from a different denomination then there is a battle of the belief system. I once dated someone who said he was Christian and went to church but when I brought up abstinence and boundaries in dating he openly scoffed and proclaimed that he had been sexually active since he was a teen. Actually, he was ready to get into the sack from the word go!

There are a few things that I know is very important in a guy and if it is not there then it is a deal breaker. The guy has to be Christian with compatible beliefs as mine.  He needs to be able to keep it in his pants. In the past, I had gotten off the abstinence bandwagon and when it was all over I recognized just how important it is and the true purpose of waiting until marriage.

Singles constantly ask how do I find Mr/Ms Right? You can read every singles magazine or play every rule in the book but it’s just about timing. Because we are dating does not mean we are dating the right person. There are no trick to finding Mr/Ms Compatible. I think it truly is divine intervention to find the person who connects with you and that is not something that can be rushed or put on a schedule. It however helps to put oneself “out there” because he or she does not usually knock on your door.

Book recommendation: I read a very interesting book a few years ago and do agree with the advice from the two male christian counselor perspective: Boundaries In Dating by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend.


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