The Joy & Curse Of Singleness

Singleness is the state of being that one either loves or hates. For most women, having a man was the life lesson since birth. A woman was not a woman without a man. Some of us can remember as kids when the adults would tease that we had ourselves a “little boyfriend” even though we did not truly know what that meant. According to the church and the bible, singleness is a gift that should be used wisely in the service of the church errr. God (pardon my slip). I see why people would say that because as singles we have all the time in the world to devout to religious things (don’t we?). Singleness for me has been both a joy and a curse.

There are some very joyous aspects of singledom if you look for it. Luckily, I was not raised with the peer or parent pressure to be married with children by the time I was 22. I had the freedom to go out and date (well.. I dated without my parents knowledge because my father was very over protective), have dreams and enjoy the pleasures of caring for myself ie. being selfish. This joy of singleness lasted until my very late 20’s. During that time, I truly enjoyed my life and discovered myself: my likes, dislikes, became honest about my fears, insecurities and strengths. I had the opportunity to explore my unconventional female interests without having to explain myself to anyone.

The joy of singleness allows you to be independent. As a child, all I wanted was to be successful and learn to do things on my own. As an adult, I have fulfilled that dream. It may not seem like much but when compared to other women who are so afraid to even live on their own because they may fail, it is a big deal. Being single showed me that I can stand on my own two feet and solve problems when they arise without the constant fear that I am not able to do it on my own. Enjoying singleness helped me to indulge in my selfish wants and has now prepared me to be able to give in a relationship and as a mother.

Singleness as a curse is a very real stress for many Christians. Wanting a partner after a certain age is NOT DESPERATION.  However, as the time passes, the feelings of desperation increases which leads to wrong choices and even disappointment in God. As an older single in the church, you get the “I feel sorry for her/him” pity from the married people. Loneliness, which most people do not want to admit to, becomes the constant nagging companion everywhere you go. At church: you see the happily married couples; On the tv: the internet dating ads show their successes; At work: people talk about their spouses or you hear about someone’s new love/sex partner. With all that couples overload sometimes you want to scream.

The curse of singleness heightens your awareness of couples and family. People making out in a park would irritate you because PDA is not appropriate; however, now you are irritated because it’s not you. The neighbour-next-door’s sexcapades would interrupt your sleep but instead of banging on the wall, you fantasize about what you would be doing with your spouse if you should ever have one. As you get older, you realize that time is passing and you are not able to share those moments with anyone. You miss the joy of intimacy and a level of connection you are not able to find in other relationships. You miss having someone to call your own and them claiming you as theirs. You miss the opportunity to say “we” “us” “our.”

Being single is a bitter-sweet situation. Even though we know that the grass is not always greener on the other side, most singles are willing to risk the chance of disappointment to get an opportunity to share in the bliss that some couples experience.  I would never change my early single year because it was a good lesson for me. However, I think it’s time for me to get settled and experience life on the married side.


10 thoughts on “The Joy & Curse Of Singleness

  1. Singleness is a punishment from God the way i look at it since so many Millions of Other men and women on this Earth have this Gift Of Life.

    1. Single man, singleness can be a challenge. However, your life is what you make of it. So, I would suggest finding things that are interesting to you and get up and out. You have the choice to be miserable or create your joy as a single or in a relationship.

  2. Well my honest opinion is that many of us men that really wanted to get married to have a family have been definitely Cursed the way i look at it which i Don’t consider it a Gift at all, and looking at so many others that have been Blessed by God that are Married with a family hurts me very much which i will admit that. But since there are so many very high maintenance independent very Spoiled and Selfish women out there now would be an excellent reason why many of us Good men that are still Single as i speak, and many of us are Not single by choice either. And Most of the good old fashioned women of years ago were the best since many of them were raised very well by their parents to find a good man to settle down with to have a family, and today Most of the women are Nothing like the women were years ago since many women in those days along with many of their men really had to Struggle to make ends meat. It is just too bad i wasn’t born many years Earlier to avoid this mess today since Most likely i would’ve been married with a family myself instead of being all Alone now which many of our Parents, Grandparents, Aunts And Uncles were very fortunate to be born back then to meet one another which it certainly was so much easier for them, or many of us men and women would’ve Not been around today thanks to them.

    1. Being single is not an easy route particularly when you desire to be married with family. However, I have to say that blaming women for your current status is not fair and most likely not an accurate assessment as to why you are single. If all the women you are meeting are “high maintenance, selfish and spoil” then you have to also examine why you are drawn to those personality types.

      It always concerns me when a person (male/female) blame his/her dissatisfied relationship status on the opposite gender. Oh course, the world is changing and women are more free to choose their partners and not be stuck with the first available guy with a job to take care of all their needs.

      It is obvious that people are still getting married even as I type; so all is not lost in finding a partner. However, it takes two to produce a good relationship and no woman will ever be perfect just as I am sure you are not perfect. God speed in the journey to find you partner because for some people it’s never an easy road.

      1. To Harley Q2, It is very true what i said with my last comment. And i Don’t mean to sound so rude but as you can see over the years Most women have certainly changed since the 50’s and 60’s when many of the women back then were raised very well by good parents to find a good man to get married to have a family, and today Most of the parents out there are Not raising their children right at all. So you can see why it is very difficult these days for many of us good men that really wanted to get married to have a family that many of us Don’t have today which it is very sad for us. The good old fashioned women which i did mentioned in my last comment was very true that most women in those days really did make a good wife which explains why many of our family members were very fortunate to be born in that time to meet one another, and you can see how most marriages are failing today as i speak which makes it very sad. The divorce rate now is up to 50 percent which is very depressing since many women and men nowadays Can’t be faithful to one another anymore, and i really feel very bad for the children since they’re the ones that have to suffer for this. In the 70’s most women have really changed for the worst since many of them were drinking, getting drunk most of the time, sleeping around with all different men instead of just staying with only one man which made it a very bad time for me finding a good one back then which i always wanted a steady girlfriend to get married which i really hoped for back then when i was in my early twenties at that time. And when i finally met a woman that i really loved, we went out for 3 years before we got married since we really did love each other at that time. After 15 years she cheated on me which i was a very good husband that treated her very good and i was very Committed to her as well which it wasn’t good enough for her. I really thought at that time that i had finally met a very good woman to settle down to finally have a family that i wanted, but as you can see that never worked out for me. Now single and all alone is certainly no fun for me today, and i really do hope that God will bless me to find a good woman again because singleness for me is Definitely a curse for me which i would Never even wish this on my worst enemy. I met my wife when i was 30 years old which took me that long since i was going out for a good 10 years before i finally met her which you can see why i really hated going out in the first place and dealing with this mess which i really wanted to avoid this since the very beginning. Well thank you very much for your support. Peace.

        1. It’s always a difficult recovery for the wronged spouse. I am sorry to hear that you were hurt in that way. My friend who wants to be married and have a family as much as you do was having the same problems regarding the quality of men that she met. The grass is never greener on either gender side unfortunately. I would just caution that singles do not fall into the trap of blaming the other gender because over time that thinking will start to poison your view and you may miss a good opportunity with a compatible person.

  3. Singleness is definitely a Curse for many of us men that are very seriously looking for a good woman to spend the rest of our life with.

    1. It is very interesting that most men do not speak much about being single and looking for a wife as much as women do. However, it does not matter the gender but when someone is ready for marriage and there is no one there, it can be very difficult.

  4. I wish you would say more about your age, and weather you have kids or not, i am in a dilema, someone wants to marry me but i dont feel i want for myself right now. But then there is the thought of what if he is the last one and there will never be anyone for me? Then i wil die lonely and alone regreting and wishing i should have gotten married. Damn am confused.

    1. Well duchess, I am 34 and no kids (can’t have any). My suggestion is to make a list about the pros and cons about marrying that person. Have him do the same. I am a strong believer in premarital classes or counseling (I have seen way too many failed marriages that becomes very ugly and people who are miserable together). I do not believe that marriage should be entered into lightly or because you are afraid of the future. When you look at him, you should be able to say Yes I can see myself with this person through the good and bad times or not. Your confusion is telling me that you have some reservations and you should address these with yourself and with him before making a decision. I hope that helps a bit

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