Fear of Commitment: I do, I don’t, I don’t know


Making a commitment is one of those necessary evils of life. Everyday we have to make some pledge to something: car, kids, job, hair colouring, etc. However, of all the things we say ‘I do’ to, it seems that  making a commitment to the opposite sex is equivalent to hearing nails on a chalk board while swimming in -10 degree water. It is freakin’ hard!

A dear friend recently went through this commitment torture by putting herself out there and the recipient went totally bullshitty, made a 180 and ran scared. Needless to say everyone was in shock. The problem is this is not new for many singles and she is certainly not alone. We wait, pray, and hope then it seems that God said ‘yes’ and in a blink of the eye  it all comes to a screeching halt because someone says he/she is afraid.

I always say that fear is the biggest barrier most people face. Fear can cause us to make stupid choices or run from things that are good. I assume that God did not intend for relationships to be torturous. So, when did it all start feeling like a trial through hell? Is it that hard for a man and a woman to say hey I like you so let’s do everything in our power to fully connect with each other?

Relationships are becoming psychological games. Each person seem to try to anticipate the other’s moves and then act accordingly. People suddenly develop psychic powers and think they should be able to read each other’s mind. Just thinking about it makes me tired. Is it socially improper to speak your mind to a person who could end up being your life partner?

Commitment these days are like the kiss of death. This is not to say that one should make a commitment if they suspect something is wrong in the relationship (that’s how divorce happens). However, if two people think their relationship is heading in the right direction, then what’s so wrong with saying I want you and only you? Did that commitment phobic person think that s/he will find something better?

In my eyes relationships can be straight forward. You either want to be with that person or you don’t. You either see yourself connected to that person or you don’t. Fear has nothing to do with it. We start to over think and interject all manner of idiocy into the relationship that makes things complicated. If any one has to question their commitment to someone then it is time to stop and take a look at one’s self. Only an a**hole (male or female) would choose to lead someone on and then suggest that s/he is feeling ‘fear to commit.’

Using any excuse about fear of commitment while in a relationship is a selfish act.  I have used that phrase before (easier than explaining that I was enjoying my singledom) because I was very sure I was not ready to be attached to anyone permanently and I had made that known to anyone who was interested at the time. The phrase popped again over 1 year ago but the truth was it wasn’t fear. I realized that the relationship was not right but it was easier to use that line than to say I am just not that into you (I later did say those words).

The truth is there is no fear of commitment. We commit to stupid things all the time. I believe it is about  people not wanting to change their current life to include someone permanently, or the individual has no long-term interest to be with you, the relationship is bad, the individual is just an a-hole or that person has not developed his/her own identity in which case they are still not suited for a long-term relationship.

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