Journey to H-Day~No Tears for the Loss

There will be no tears to saying goodbye to the uterus and here is why. When the ‘final chop’ issue came up in a previous visit with the gyn, he mentioned that I may regret taking that option due to my age so I should leave it for the very last-which I did.

 The journey to hysterectomy day started at age 13 with the first ‘curse.’ I nick named my monthly period as the curse (ie. Eve was cursed after her disobedience to God in the garden of Eden so all women are plagued with menstruation and painful childbirth). It was not too long before I noticed a trend each month: I was confined to bed the first day out of the week writhing in pain, muttering to myself “make it stop! make it stop! and nothing helped. In the later years, it became worse  and I was forced to confine myself to my home for the week with the exception of school or work when things are not too bad.  I never knew when things would become very bad. It is not fun when the most important things throughout the day is to be close to a bathroom (this affords privacy and people not asking what’s wrong as well as emergency arises that can become embarrassing in a matter of minutes).

Happy period’ a famous line from one of those feminine product commercial. I thought about that one day and realize that  my motto would not include happy. Perhaps “anxious period” to indicate the anxiety that naturally happens within the week of the expected curse.  During those moments, I felt comfort in a recurring thought of ripping my uterus out with my bare hands. Barbaric but comforting in those moments. That was my visualization to get me through the really bad moments.

There will be no tears because this is a solution to a 21 year curse. There will be no tears because it is freedom from a disability         There will be no tears because there will be no regrets                      My age is not a factor neither is there an issue with becoming sterile.  I have never wanted to give birth and even if I did not have this procedure I would not have been pregnant. So this is win-win for me. At this point, I am still not anxious. I really don’t know if I will be anxious. I guess it’s ‘que sera sera.’ For the next 3 weeks, the preparation continues.


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