Adult Virginity


 

The idea of adult and virginity in the same sentence is an oxymoron to both secular and christians alike. Most Christians do not expect an older man or woman to be a virgin despite not being married. However, this is not true and interestingly there is a stigma, a very bad one associated with this phenonenon.

The assumption is there are alot more adult virgins than anticipated. Adult virginity is not just about religious beliefs but for the adult virgin in the church this may be the more logical reason. However, unlike their younger counterpart, it is not a proud state of being anymore. It is arbitary at what specific age it is considered the point when being sexless stops being a virtue and becomes a curse. I doubt you will see someone over 21 publicity supporting purity rings and pledges.

I was watching an episode of a tv show and one of the characters is a beautiful career woman who happens to be a virgin waiting for marriage which never came in the appropriate time. The character would disclose her ‘status’ on her dates and the men would flee and never to return. That episode ended with her having sex. The moral of the story is this may be the same issue for adult virgins even in the church.

If this situation is true in real life, then the question is why would a man run away from a woman in which he would be the first to “pop her cherry?” I can not image that this is a pleasant conversation to have expecially for men. Even though a man is in the church, there is still an expectation that he has conquered a few ladies and knows his way in the bedroom and with a woman’s body. So who does an adult Christian turn to when this is their issue? I can imagine that being an older virgin would be as scary to discuss as sex is in the church.

The times have changed drastically when being terminally sexless is a shame and having multiple experiences or partners the proud moment to share with the world. The ‘friends with benefit’ is the more popular phenomenon. I wonder too how I would react if a man over 30 disclosed that he is a virgin? Would I be freaked out or find it a very pleasant challenge to put my kama sutra book to good use? 🙂

Does an adult virgin have any pride about his/her status anymore or s/he is just waiting for the day to get rid of it? Jesus was a virgin until his death at age 33 so there is nothing for an adult Christian virgin to feel shame about. However, in this day an age, shame is the most likely feeling adult virgins experience.

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5 thoughts on “Adult Virginity

  1. I wonder too how I would react if a man over 30 disclosed that he is a virgin? Would I be freaked out or find it a very pleasant challenge to put my kama sutra book to good use?

    I’ve just stumbled across your post: it’s an interesting article. Did you come up with an answer your question above? I think that it’s more important for a woman to be a virgin on her wedding night than it is for a man — simply because that’s the picture in the Bible. (God gave a Law where a girl was expected to be a virgin until marriage and marry only one man, but a man could marry a virgin and then have another one as a second wife: it’s a prophetic foreshadowing of Christ and the church, I suppose — one Bridegroom, but many as the “Bride”.) And Guys are so different from girls, not only physically but emotionally, and so it’s not so much of a problem if a guy is not a virgin on his wedding night as if a girl is not.

    …By the way, are you yourself an older virgin? (I haven’t read your blog, so I don’t know you, I’m afraid.) If you are, then congratulations on a difficult accomplishment in these sex-crazed days! 🙂

    And my impression is that there are many older men who have waited for their wives. …And waited. …And waited. It’s very sad. I don’t think it means that there’s anything actually wrong with them: it’s probably just that many are probably hoping to do the Biblical thing and marry virgins themselves, but are having great difficulties these days finding church women who actually are virgins.

    Good luck with your blog, anyway.

    1. Faith,
      I would not be bothered if I did meet an adult virgin male. Sex is a behavior that everyone has to learn. It should get better the more you know yourself and your partner. So every one has to start somewhere sooner or later. In the past, being a female virgin before marriage has to do with making sure that the child belongs to the husband (men do not have such a burden)-it’s lineage focused. Now that we have DNA testing, marrying a virgin is more a religious focused thing. Adam and Eve were both virgins – the old testament said nothing of the issue however, the new testament did not specify that women should be virgins alone however culture dictated that men can get away with having premarital sex while the women may be stoned for the same behavior.

      I too had a religious view of sex after marriage for a long time but I gave that up as being impractical especially as one gets older or has no plans or opportunity to marry. However, I do not believe in being very free with giving sex away to anyone that comes knocking.
      Thanks for commenting

  2. In that case, very sad that we value disobedience to Christ, even when it defies simple logic (STDs and emotional, mental, sexual baggage anyone?)

  3. “If this situation is true in real life, then the question is why would a man run away from a woman in which he would be the first to “pop her cherry?” I can not image that this is a pleasant conversation to have especially for men. Even though a man is in the church, there is still an expectation that he has conquered a few ladies and knows his way in the bedroom and with a woman’s body. So who does an adult Christian turn to when this is their issue? I can imagine that being an older virgin would be as scary to discuss as sex is in the church.”

    If this is true in your church, then your church has serious problems. No man in his right mind would run away from a woman whose virginity was still intact. It’s more likely that the reason she is still single has more to do with her personality or attitude(s) towards others. For men, a lack of independance, self-confidence, or arrogance is more likely to keep women away.

    1. Actually, Greg. I have heard quite a few people (some not in the church) expressed that they do not want be the first with older virgins. I am not sure about the stigma but it’s out there. The assumptions is that if you are not sexually active by a certain age then there is something wrong. Even older virgins, are not willing to let others know this.

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