Christian Single Women Burden


During a sermon that was playing on 3ABN online, one of the pastor’s promptly inserted that single women should stop spending their time focusing on finding a husband. Like so many speakers, this pastor is married (surprise! surprise!).

He continued briefly to say that single women are making bad choices in men and that we should focus our efforts on the things of the church. Well this is an  extremely irritatingly sore spot for me and most singles. In the same sermon, he did talk about his wife and how he needed to keep himself safe during a mission trip to go home to his wife.

Now this is my speculation and I have also heard from a seminary student that being married is strongly I mean very strongly encouraged of the budding pastors. Why is that? Why is it is so important for the clergy to be hitched but the lay people ahem! women need to “focus on the Lord?”

Do married people believe that singles are sitting around on their derrieres just waiting? Is that the prevailing image? How is it that most sermons are not focused on the men in the church? have you ever heard a pastor tell a single man to spend his free moments in service to the church and stop looking for a wife? Christian single women appear to have this unspoken burden to carry various loads: it’s our fault we are single, every married church pastor has some asinine advice for us, the church requires all our free time blah! blah! blah!

One wish I have of the church is that it would stop making single women’s lives a living hell. Married people, especially the ones who have no concept of what it means to be single in their adult lives, should really just shut up! put away their  bias notions, and sit down with the singles in their church to understand exactly what that population needs and find ways to support us.

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6 thoughts on “Christian Single Women Burden

  1. I wholeheartedly agree that many in the church (leadership or not) show little, if any, genuine concern or compassion for what singles face. I personally know of an Adult Bible Fellowship leader (and his son; both of whom were in full-time mininstry) who used to lecture us singles about purity, porn, and masturbation…and years later confessed before the church that they had been into porn.

    1. I think that at times we forget that even the leaders are human. The reason why we are so shocked when a minister falls is because they portray themselves to be immune to sin, people by into that fallacy, we look up to them, and expect so much more from them.

  2. I reread your blog and I concure that maybe you need to change your church if they are not addressing your concerns well. I agree it will be a struggle, but God has picked the places and hours in which we will meet or mate so be patient and venture out to other christians churches. Maybe your mate will not be from your church.

  3. I have heard something similar to that before, but last Saturday I went to this young adult’s service and due to valentines being around the corner the topic of the night was relationships. It was very interesting to say the least. I learned so much in that hour about relationships than the many books I have spent hours reading.

    It was a couple that were leading the discussion and answering questions. There suggestion for both males and females was…”If you are single and actively looking, good for you!” They were even encouraging the girls to put themselves out there, and the guys to man up and ask the girls out for coffee. Lol

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