Men have a tendency to brag and inflate the number of women they have bedded in their lifetime. For the very narcissistic one’s, the number increases with each conversation. The purpose for that is to impress the women with the idea of him having a deluge of sexual skills and inflate a fragile ego. Women, who have become very sexually liberated, can challenge even the most studly of men when it comes to partners. This was fictionally portrayed in the character of Samantha in Sex and the City.
How does that affect Christian men and women? Well, the church is made up of a majority of brethren and sistren who are “coming out of the world” and with less than Christian pasts. So amongst the most important questions to ask such as what is your credit score? any STD? mental illness in the family? is by the way what’s the tally on your sexual conquest? Depending on the answer, you may be relieved or panicked.
Just as most men are weary of women with many sexual experiences, women need to be equally cautious of men with too many notches that may break a bed post. This could indicate some problems with commitment and or where s/he places sex in terms of importance. Is it a turn off when the count is over 5? 10? 15? As Christians, we should forgive and leave it all in the past; however, I am finding that many Christians are not taking a vow of celibacy until marriage so this does become a cause to ask about past partners.
An older male non-Christian friend of mine talks very freely about his partners (usually appropriate in the conversation) and it was not until a few days ago I thought about what his conquest number would be. I had to ask myself if I would be okay with a man who has an above 5 number in my age group and most of his experiences are through casual or brief encounters. Is there an intimidation factor when one partner has racked up much more pillow time than the other? Some women do expect that their male counterpart should be well versed in the language of sex; however, that can translate into being compared to previous lovers or a fear of not measuring up for both genders.
I recognize that this conversation does not fall within the biblical ideals and this would never be a topic for any church service. If the world turned as God intended, everyone would be a lily white virgin until marriage (this includes no hanky panky during dating). However, that is not the case and Christians still need to be en garde. Just like the heart, sex is another window to the soul. My firm opinion is that with each partner a conscientious person gives away a little piece of him/herself whether good or bad. So, if the conquest number is high, then what’s left of that person for you? Does each vagina and penis become a blur? Are you robbed of feeling special?
As Christians, we would be lying if we do not admit to comparing one relationship to the next. We compare dates, personalities, kisses, marriages, food etc and sex is no different. My male friend pointed out that women are the worst because we go into major details about our partners-sexual or otherwise and I would agree. As women, we are talkers and very detailed oriented. I have talked to women who were more than forthcoming about who did what best and measured up or went limp.
Of course people cannot change their past but is someone with a high number of past conquest seem less than attractive. Would you be able to put such a thing aside even if you think the person has changed?