The Pathetic Single

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I was excited to attend a very public event that usually hosts families and groups of all kind. I was very set to go when my activity partner cancelled and another potential companion ditched as well. I became unusually bummed out because I was facing the decision to stay home or going alone. Weirdly, it was a struggle to decide. Afterall, why should I miss out on an event just because I had to attend solo? I had to be very honest with myself on the reason I felt some intrepidation to go alone. I recognize that I did not want some random people to identify me as one of those pathetic single girls; I did not want anyone to feel sorry for me because I was flying solo.

Yes, I get that those are my thoughts and people could not careless because they do not know me. However, the point is that is how I feel. I can identify with those thoughts because on the occasion that I am out with friends in a social environment and I see a single person, dining alone or sitting somewhere alone, my first feelings are empathy and pity. A few years ago, I had made the brave decision to dine at chain restaurant for lunch by myself and it was the most uncomfortable feeling. Needless to say, I had never done it again. The truth is most activities are so much more fun with someone else involved; It’s just not the same when you are alone.

Sadly, I can see myself becoming one of those people who would mercilessly beg someone “please please go with me because I don’t want to do it alone.” This is slightly distressing because I hate those people and a couple of years ago I was sooo the opposite of that.  I suspect this is not just me fussing about being a solo activity member because a fellow single blogger lamented about the same thing.

As I get older, the idea of doing things alone has become daunting. I recognize that I have restricted some of my activities because they entail attending with me, myself and I if my activity partners are otherwise occupied.  I truly miss those days when I said screw it (after friends backed out on me) and went to different places such as the Grand Canyon by myself and had a great time.


6 thoughts on “The Pathetic Single

  1. I think your attitude is totally normal. No one likes to be alone in a crowd of paired-up people. It’s true of any age and stage of life–think of middle school or high school, when your biggest concern in the first few days at a new school was who you were going to eat lunch with or hang out with between classes. And it’s the same at university, when you’re a new student in a sea of other freshmen, wondering who will end up being your friends.

    I think those who can go to family or couple-centred events alone are brave, but I certainly don’t think any less of a single person who feels uncomfortable there and avoids such events.

  2. I understand completely and it took me a long time to do these things on my own but slowly I realised that if I didn’t I would miss out on so much of what I love if I didn’t. I’ve conquered movies, musicals, lunch ( take a book or magazine ) and travel on my own but I’ve yet to do a concert or a gig. I go through stages though of stomping my feet when I get sick of it – usually when it’s been a while since I’ve done any of these things with anyone, so perhaps a balance is in order.And I’ve given up tickets when people have pulled out too. I’m going through a ‘sick of doing everything solo’ stage at the moment actually.

    So did you go to the event ?

    1. No I did not go to the event after thinking alot about it. I agree that a balance is important. I think I too am going through the same sick of doing everything solo phase at this moment which I hate. There are things I do alone without any problems but it’s the other stuff… oh well, I think as a single I just have to make the most of the situation.

    2. I think we’re going in the opposite direction. As I’ve gotten older (now 45) I have decided that I’ll miss out on too much of life if I wait for an activity partner. I think you are wrong to think of yourself as the “pathetic” single. More than 50% of women in this country are single. That means, while the event you go to may have families, you are actually part of a growing majority. Don’t beg anyone. Just do it. You’ll meet a lot of people or at least you’ll be able to say you went .

      1. Thanks Penny, I do agree with you. I think I am in the down swing of the singleness phase which I am hoping to kick pretty soon. Actually, after the event was over, I did wish I just sucked it up and went. Next time…

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