“I Married My Best Friend”

“Best Friends Are People That Know All About You And Still Put Up With Your Crap” (copied image)

I quickly found out how that phrase ‘let’s be friends first’ causes a man to run quickly as if you told him you had an STI. The speculation is that a man of lesser quality and intentions would interpret this statement as ‘she won’t put out so let me find someone else who will.’ This usually helps with the weeding out process. Being very logical, it escapes my understanding as to why this sentiment implies something bad versus something good. I look at the qualities that are important in a friend and even much more in a best friend and believes that it would be wonderful for a partner to hold that status.

I understand that when someone uses the ‘friend’ word it connotes exactly that-a friendship. However, because most of us are mature adults, we need to find our grown up explanation and let the other person know exactly what you mean by friendship. The interesting thing is most couples, who have weathered the storms and continue with a long and fulfilling relationship, always say that they each married their best friend. So, in the context of finding a good partner, telling someone of a romantic interest that  you want a solid level of friendship is a good thing.

I automatically pull the “friendship” request and explain what I am talking about as an initial test for potential suitors. The moment he makes any objections, versus trying to have me clarify what I fully mean, puts him automatically on the suspicious list. It makes me wonder what is it he is looking for? Does he want the precious goods? Is he trying to jump into a relationship too quickly? Is he serious about being long-term?

Some might say, during the dating phase, it’s important to lighten up and don’t make snap judgment. Instead just relax and enjoy. Even though I understand that premise, it is not suitable for me. I have had my fun and was not looking for anything remotely serious during my younger years. However, these days, if I am planning to go shopping, then I intend to buy!

Maybe it is a side effect of getting older and hopefully wiser but the people I allow in my life are those whom I believe I can trust. If a single Christian is seeking a partner, then knowing that the person you choose really does understand your crap and love you even so much more for it. The point is at some juncture during a relationship each person should be able to look at his/her potential partner and know that he/she is a best friend.


5 thoughts on ““I Married My Best Friend”

  1. Hello! Great post. Ive been married almost six years and honestly I didnt marry my best friend. HUGE mistake. So once the newlywed bliss died down and we started getting hit with storms we wanted to RUN! We had to sit down and evaluate our relationship. What was the key element that we were lacking–FRIENDSHIP. Now we work daily at building our friendship. So yes you definitely need that foundation. But if you are already married, its never too late to work on being friends!

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. I agree that friendship is definitely the key to an awesome relationship in addition to (as you’ve stated in another post) a shared definition of Christianity. I’ve discovered that, to the ears of many men, “friendship” translates to “no sex”… unless, of course, they subscribe to the “friends with benefits” program. Because so many do nowadays, I think that the definition and boundaries of friendship should also be clarified before entering a relationship.

    1. The important word you mentioned is for men and women to “clarified” what they want from each other. The funny things is with all the gadgets and ways to talk to each other, people still do not communicate. Most men appear to like things spelled out or they will make some natural assumptions while women expect men to be telepathic and therefore frequently disappointed

  3. I like the phrase “solid level of friendship.”

    It made me smile.

    And it makes me smile to think about marrying my best friend. It makes the second ‘F’ on BFF so much more profound.


    1. :-). Call me crazy but in the recent years, if I cannot see someone in the role of a friend or best friend, then I question exactly what is this person’s purpose/role in my life

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