11 comments on “Article: Dating Versus Courting

  1. Okay, this is a long post, and I’m only commenting on the Courtship vs. Dating section.

    Asking our parents?!? What on earth? How does that work when both of us are in our late forties/early fifties? Seriously, my folks aren’t really even Christian (unless you count the “cultural” version that 93% of Americans consider a viable form of Christianity). We live in different cities. I think courtship is really nice (lovely even), but many times, quite impractical. What do you suggest?

    • I agree that the courting idea highlighted in the post is not practical when involving parents, for the more mature daters. However, the idea is that someone needs to be an accountability person in your life (parents are one example for the younger people who have good parental figures).
      Instead of parents, using really good friends or people who care about you (and people you trust to be honest and sincere) to help you make good decisions about your courting partner is a big help. A third person view is always essential. Most couples usually ignore everyone and are consumed by each other but if you involve loved ones and trusted individuals in your life then it might help with the courting process.
      The idea of courting is the intention to marry and delaying the sex and intimacy until after marital commitmment. It is not impossible to do but for the older people, it may be a little more challenging. The world expect sex and intimacy very soon after the 1st-3rd meeting. This is why choosing partners for Christians is so important because you want someone who will understand why you are making certain choices in a relationship.

      • See, now this is useful information. Thanks. Seriously, I wish more Christian writers would address this. Instead, all courtship information is directed towards either the junior set (for which parental involvement is preferable) or just leaves accountability out of the question altogether, as if adults need not consult anyone before making serious life decisions.

        I don’t know if you’d go for this, but I just finished a book called Love In A Headscarf that talks about how a young Muslim woman worked within her “arranged” marriage culture to find a husband. The author is Shelina Janmohamed. It’s too bad more Christian writers can’t be as forthright about combining serious spirituality with the search for love.

        • You are welcome, Pioneercynthia. I do assume that most married Christians who dispense dating advice were married earlier in life and are sometimes out of touch with what is happening with the single over 30 Christian group. While their intent is honorable, they tend to miss the true struggles that face the mature group. I will check out the book.

  2. I wish I knew that growing up because it would have prevented me from making mistakes with men who didnt LOVE me. I thought dating was a good way of knowing men but it wasnt knowing them it was having sexual relations with them and rushing into fake relationships with men who dont believe in the love of God. I had men for idols but with God’s help through Jesus will pull myself back.

  3. So what happens to us know, those of us who “dated” and had sex with others prior to marriage? Are we doomed forever? I “dated”, am currently married 7 years and have been faithful. What words do you have for me?

    This is a great article and I wish my parents would have read it when I was a kid growing up in their home.

    • Brenda,
      I think this article is for those who are starting the dating or courting process as a guideline. If you are happily married, then this does not apply but perhaps to your children. You are in the married category (which is a whole different issue) while this is talking to the ones in the single category (as an option) in their quest to find a mate.
      Christianity is about forgiving, repenting and forgetting. So focusing on the future of your marriage and relationship with Christ is more important than looking back.

  4. I believe that modern dating came in AFTER THE AUTOMOBILE–which meant that dating was for ‘making out’ in the car–. I told my teenage daughter that whomever you go out on a date with, providing she dates, is that i want to meet the boys father and see how he treates his mother. Other girls also want to date BECAUSE it seems all of their friends are doing it and they dont want to be left out..many girls want to be in a clique, even christian, and if you arent in a ‘group’ and are shy, you are rather lonely for people with ‘skin on’ (with Christ, you shouldn’t be lonely)

  5. Wow, I just wrote something on this very topic! I don’t use the term courtship, but dating with an actual purpose in mind (marriage). Courtship works too though, lol.

    I virtually never date, as I’ve yet to meet anyone I could honestly see as a husband (I’ve only been on 4 or 5 before). I don’t mean this in a superficial sense either–last year I had one in mind, but seeing how fast he could make a six pack of beer disappear freaked me out! Lol!

    • LOL Becoming, yeah that would freak me out too. I would start to think he’s an alcoholic-to-be. I don’t think it’s superficial but you just have to check people out to see if they are right fit for you long term.

  6. My pastors have referred to dating as “practicing divorce”. They even made a series entitled “Kissing Worldly Dating Goodbye” by pastor Taffi Dollar which was very informative.

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