Do You Really Need Chemistry To Have a Good Relationship?

Being a 30 something terminally single gal in the pursuit of a committed relationship, I want to make sure that my choice for a husband is a good one. I have happily enjoyed my single days and now it’s time to transition to the coupling side of the fence. Prior to these recent years, I had not thought that much about chemistry because it was irrelevant (I had no intentions of being permanently shackled). However, now that things have changed, the idea of being physically attracted to someone or that indescribable spark is a hot topic.

I have heard arguments for both sides. Team Chem says that it is necessary to have that chemistry with a guy in order for a long-term relationship to survive. Team No says that it is all about making a commitment and you can learn to love and grow with that individual without this ‘spark.’ I have had that  indescribable attraction to probably 2 people in my entire dating life and I have to say that it is a good feeling. It is something about that person that makes you giggle, think about him constantly, and gives you butterflies by just the mention of his name. As I said, it’s a good feeling.

I have also been on the other side. I am sitting across from a guy and feel absolutely nothing, nada, not even a twitch. Even though the person is nice yada yada yada, there is just something missing. I have come to recognize that without that chemistry, no matter how good he looks on paper, I will never be able to make a full emotional commitment without thinking that I am selling out.

I once read that there is some science behind having relationship chemistry. Whether that is true or not, it seems to be an integral part of getting my foot in the door of wanting a long term-there is nobody else but you kind of relationship. Do I think I might be setting myself up to continue on that long single road journey? Probably. However, knowing myself and my previous experiences, it seems that I need that chemistry to be present in order for me to put much more time and effort into keeping my interest in that guy. Couples talk about the proverbial spark that needs to be rekindled when a relationship starts to stall; however, what will you do if there was never one in the first place? Or can it be that if you start off without it, then over time it may develop.


6 thoughts on “Do You Really Need Chemistry To Have a Good Relationship?

  1. The other ladies brought up good points. I have always been for team Chem though I have never felt the instant zing with anyone. Currently I am dating a 9 on the compatibility scale but I feel no spark whatsoever. I am starting to doubt if I ever will be able to feel chemistry with anyone. My heart and mind is battling with each other : /

    1. Hang in there Riri, I understand completly. Sometimes the compatibility and the chemistry does not always come in the same package and you can’t help but lament why the ‘bad luck.’

  2. I’m definitely team chem! I have a friend who is very much interested in me, however I just don’t have that feeling or excitement when I think of him. Even though he is Mr.Right on paper, it is just impossible for me to pursue a relationship with him. I tried to convince myself, but I realized in order for me to be committed to him I need that “spark”, that passion!

  3. Looking at the “good chemistry” aspect from a different angle: It seems that more and more scientific research has been done finding that it’s really important for a woman to like a guy’s natural body smells and the way he kissed. I’m under the impression that has been a bigger factor in divorce than people realize, especially since the economic reasons for keeping an undesired spouse are less important now.

  4. You know… I nearly always jump on the “no” side of the debate, but like everything else, it’s probably that both sides are true and right. I think it’s just a matter of deciding which we trust more, and letting that one be the one that’s more front-and-center; even though I distrust the spark, I totally want it. And I think the “spark”-chasers probably want the commitment too.

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