When To Unveil Your New Lover


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Certain newly dating single women have a proverbial stench about them that can make any normal person puke. That stench is listening to her repeatedly use the words “my boyfriend” more often than necessary and never actually hearing the name of the guy by time she is done talking. The designation of boyfriend usually comes after less than a month of dating and knowing nothing about the man but he is befitted with the “my boyfriend” stamp. The stench is having to publicly discover along with the woman everything she is learning about the new man. The worse grievance of all is having the newly minted boyfriend being paraded at the job! Keep in mind, in a short period of time, two of my coworkers thought that the job was the place to unveil the new lover-seriously!!

Another coworker ranted to me (she is always ranting about something but this time I agree with her) that she does not understand women and how stupid they are because of a man. She overheard two other coworkers lamenting about wanting to be married. The part that peeved her to the core is that one coworker has been with her man (who recently changed his disagreeable ways) for over 1-2 years but has not mentioned the word marriage at all. The other coworker only knew her man for about 1-2 months and she has been heard in the office gushing that he wants to know her ring size.

Now, I realize that this post could sound more like jealousy or envy but on the contrary. It’s annoyance. I had lunch last week with a former coworker who could not stop talking about her boyfriend and there is my usual lunch date with another who is experiencing the first stage of dating after being divorced a few years. For these two women, I was happy to listen and pray the best for their decisions. What’s the difference between the two who showcased ‘the new man’  and the other two who quietly discussed their real concerns with me? Status. I hate hate hate when women use men as a form of status and a means to make themselves appear more important. The second is, I really believe in privacy and it is never okay to parade a new man or your love life at work. All that says is “look at me I have a boyfriend, now I feel important.” (Note: one of the showcase relationship ended soon after and the other I still don’t know his name even after a few months of them dating).

As a single woman, I have to do a conscious jealousy check. I have to ask myself and answer truthfully:  if I feel resentful, is it because that person is no longer single and I still am or is it something else that bothers me. I can be honest with myself and say if I feel irritated, it’s because of something else. I actually find it a joy when someone I know has started a new relationship; I am excited for that person because I know what it’s like: nerve-racking but exciting all at once.

In all my years, I have noticed that women are more likely to put the ‘boyfriend’ card on display as soon as they have spoken with a man for longer than a week. I remember having a discussion with the showcase ladies and expressed that the term boyfriend these days means nothing. Everyone has jumped past dating to boyfriend. Maybe I have some antiquated views on relationship but do people stop dating/courting each other? What is required for the designation of the term boyfriend or girlfriend? In my experience, dating is the time to find out if you enjoy this new person’s company enough to see yourself making the relationship exclusive ie boyfriend/girlfriend or parting ways with no attachment. Shouldn’t there be a ‘will you be my girlfriend’ verbal expression before assigning that label?

I recognize that we all get excited and want to share with others when something nice happens. However, there is a time and place to air your personal laundry and work is not it. This is a good time to call your closest girlfriend and chit chat about the hunk in your life. Women need to remember that not everyone gives a sh*t about or wants to hear what happens in your personal life.

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