(copied image herdaily.com. Britney and Kevin marriage)
Have you ever asked yourself how in the world did (insert name) get married? Or who the hell would marry that person? It is starting to become apparent that many of the people who are married are simply not suitable to be married. We all know people who are deemed a bit shady in their character and we have declared that these people should “never” get married until they sort out their issues. Well, sometime later, you heard that they have entered into nuptial bliss. The next thought is how? who? why? You are left dumbfounded while your good friend or family who has a splendid character is still trying to find his/her mate.
I recently happened upon some news that someone I knew a few years ago is now married. To say that it is a shock is an understatement. I knew that he was desperate, actually very desperate to remarry but I thought he had to get himself together emotionally before any woman would take him seriously or before he could be able to be a good husband. I had no contact with him for years, it is a large possibility that he may have changed or the woman he found changed him. Even though I do not believe that we should rely on others to shape our character, it seems that for him, it may have worked. There is also the other possibility that he did not change but he found a woman who is in the same emotionally dependent state as he and so they were able to make it work. Still, after knowing the issues of his first marriage, it is still hard to believe that someone actually married him. Is that mean to say?
Years ago in college, an acquaintance of mine met this guy who started exhibiting weird behaviors. She was a nice person who initially had suspicions of him. Well, whatever he said or did convinced her to become interested. Standing on the outside, I could notice a few things about him that she completely ignored and explained away. Years later, I heard they were married with children and he was a pastor. Naturally, when a story turns out that good, one has to reconcile that people do change. Recently, I heard that her pastor husband was fired from his church. The evil side of me starts to think (without knowing the details of the reason for his termination) ‘I was right all those years ago.’ Is that horrible of me?
There is also the case of the world record gentleman in Mexico who in the last few years got married. He was not able to walk down the aisle, actually he is not able to walk at all because his world record was being the fattest man. When the news came that he was getting married, I had to scratch my head and take a long look at him. I again thought who? why? The protest is not about his weight but about the fact that this man had a very clear problem with food, he would not be able to work, does he have any skills, etc. A host of things that disqualifies him from making a good spouse but yet someone said “I will marry this man.”
What am I missing? Is this why the marriage success rate is in the toilet? As much as people will start pointing out that we “should not judge others” bla bla bla, we all know someone or a few people of whom you ask the same question – how is she/he married? Is it that not being very discriminating about someone’s character the answer for a speedy coupling? Mel Gibson will definitely get married again but some honest joe who is an upstanding man can’t catch a break. The mama’s boy will have a stream of women to choose from all while living in his parent’s basement but someone else is not that lucky with potential mates. The world has certainly gone a bit wonky.
So it seems that marriage, these days, is not about quality. It seems to be about whomever you catch in your net and can convince to stay. Are you suppose to be happy for someone whom you know is or have made a mistake in getting married? Are you being fake in trying to feign happiness for that person? Is it unchristian? Years ago I went to an old friend’s wedding and was genuinely happy for the couple. Years later, they separated and it turns out that many people warned her against the marriage due to her husband’s character. Well, she conceded with everyone’s opinions during the separation but soon after they were back together again and it might seem he is up to his usual. Is this a happy moment because they are back together or is it a ‘oh shit, she made the same mistake twice’ moment?
One explanation could come from a post written by a terminally single woman who does not want to be married, entitled Divorce Envy, in which Ms Wells observed that it is more acceptable to be divorced than to be never married. Spinster is not a word you hear very often and when it is used people like Susan Boyle (the once frumpy lady with the amazing voice) comes to mind. It may seem that people are willing to test the marriage waters knowing that it is a little too rough for them because the alternative is just not acceptable. It was a bit funny in Ms Wells post that she was being chastised by a woman who was twice divorced. It appears that failure of never marrying far outweighs the failure of being caught in a bad relationship. As I said, twisted!