Single + Single ≠ A Match

I was dragged to church today but not kicking and screaming; however, I was grumbling a bit :-) . Despite the rocky start, I can admit that the service was good and the singing was fabulous. The pastor talked about releasing the sinful behaviors that create chains which anchor us to the devil. I am introspective so I know my sinful behaviors, the things that I go back to, and the things that I am a bit reluctant to let go off (and let God, so to speak). However, since this is a being christian and single navigation blog, I will get to the part that is singles related.

There were two incidents in church that just rubbed me the wrong way as a single and somewhat-Christian woman. The first was a young woman giving a thank-God-life-has-been-good-and-God-gave-me-everything-I-wanted-testimony. I have to say I do like those God did good things for me messages. Her testimony included being married and pregnant in the same year. Great for her!! (and I mean it sincerely). However, in the next breath (here is the thing that irritated me) she went on to say, in hopes of being encouraging, that God should be our all. He is all we need for a partner, for love, comfort etc. In essence, God should be the ‘it’ of our lives and those who did not get what they wanted should be okay with just God.

While I understand the importance of God in a Christian’s life, I do take offence to those people who first pointed out that they wanted more than just God and got it; however, for the rest of us poor single nonpregnant people, we should be satisfied with only God. The hypocrisy is so glaring that it makes you want to scream “you would not be saying that if you didn’t get_____.” It is almost like a poor you sucker message. God gave me my mate and a family but since you are not as fortunate then God is all you need. I don’t know if people are that insensitive because they are self-absorbed or they are trying, but failing badly, to give hope to others. Either way, just stick to your praise and testimony and shut the hell up if you don’t know what to say to those who were not so abundantly blessed.

The second issue that came up in church was the pastor assumption that because two people are single then they will naturally make a good match. If becoming coupled was as easy as 1-2-3, then we would all be in long and happy marriages. The pastor’s mistake is a common one that many people (especially those that are coupled) tend to perpetuate. There is this prevailing assumption that 1 + 1 will =2. Obviously, there is more to making a good connection with someone than their marital status-this is something many single people are very aware of from their relationship misadventures.

A single status is only one criteria when a Christian single is searching for a mate. Being single, as a friend points out, does NOT mean available. It is always sarcastically amusing when someone you know tells you that she knows this person who is single and you two should get together. The next question is ‘tell me about him/her’. The reply usually goes along these lines: s/he is a nice person but I don’t know that much about person X except that s/he is single. This is the what the ****** moment. So what your misguided friend or family is saying is that I am desperate to be with anyone because I am single! I am not implying that these random get togethers could not work out (probably the same percentage as internet dating) but the idea that just because we are two single people then we are bound to hitting-it-off. Really!!!! I say again really!!!!!

The older Christian single status is a very tricky place to navigate. If church people are not being condescending, then they are trying to get you coupled. It is hard to tell church members to piss-off but instead you graciously grin and bear these subtle insults which are wrapped in well-meaning intentions (or not).  The best defense is to try and find the humor in silly situations like these. I recognize these faux pas  frequency could cause a Christian single to momentarily forget her lady-like manners and say something very unchristian :-) . I do believe that most singles can express themselves quite clearly and if we need your opinions or blind interventions, we can speak up about that too.

7 thoughts on “Single + Single ≠ A Match

  1. This site made me think back to a time when my father and stepmother tried to.fix me up with their mechanic. Now I have nothing against mechanics, but this guy stank of booze, had no conversational skills,.and had.a.mouth full of rotton teeth. When I told Dad I didn’ t find him attractive, Dad pointed out that he could fix my car for free, and “He’s single, isn’t he?” Thanks, but no thanks.That was 19 years ago.Today I have a nice boyfriend and a great mechanic.

    1. LOL…Your step dad only saw ‘single’ and ‘free car repair.’ Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking when they suggest certain people as potential partners

  2. It is very hard to be single in the church that I attend. Every where I look there is couples. I was a couple until a year and a half ago- I know there are couples but being a single was more difficult for me at the start and now I am indifferent.

    I do want to meet someone who is in the church and who has a walk with Christ and who can be the head of the house.

    Yes I agree that those who have had a very easy life make it difficult to not be rubbed the wrong way!

    Lets remain encouraged- I know God has a plan- I am working on focusing on my career and learning about the me that He’s made me to be.

    1. Being single is the best time to focus on yourself and learning more about you. There are so many who skip that important step. Introspection helps you to become a stronger and better person and therefore will be able to choose a partner more compatible.

      1. I totally agree- this time I have been using to get to know myself better, and know God as well. My church did Alpha- and I attended it. I really learned a lot about why we’re here and what I am as His child. Since I had walked way from God while I was in this relationship- I learned the very painful reason why God doesn’t want us to be unequally yoked- last June 2012 my sister married an agnostic. It was like watching myself make that very mistake again… now I am praying that she discovers Christ again and not only that that her husband would find him as well- as he is verbally and emotionally abusive. I know how that feels since I was in an emotionally abusive feeling as well. Restoration is God’s handy work. I pray for that daily. For both her and myself.

        I did not want to skip this step especially as for most of my 20’s was spent with my ex and now I am in my 30’s but I am definitely more of the me that I know that God wants me to be!

        Thanks and God Bless!

        1. Carolyn, I am glad that you are finding your strength in yourself and with God. I pray that God continues to bless you and help you in your journey. It is not always going to be easy or smooth but the journey has to start somewhere for all of us.

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