The Virtuous Man

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The average Christian who have been around Christendom for sometime should have heard a pastor’s speech on the virtuous woman. In case you were out that day, the Virtuous Woman’s description is laid out in Proverbs 31: 10-31. Yeah! almost a whole chapter dedicated to what a good religious woman should be.  No, this is not sarcasm. If you read those verses, it describes a kind, smart, industrious, faithful, thoughtful and strong woman. She is the kind of woman I would pray to be (there is still quite a bit of work to be done on me). A man who finds a woman like that has found someone “…far above rubies.” vs 10.

While it’s all good and well that we have a laundry list of what to be, I often wonder what a Virtuous Man’s characteristics should entail. Let’s transition now  to the  male counterpart of this virtuous woman. Let’s dig through the bible for the virtuous man. In 1 Timothy 3 1:13 it outlined a few things that are for men who want to be in religious office but could easily be for any man. So let me take some time to flush out a few qualities the bible has suggested of a quality virtuous man.

A virtuous man should have one wife. Doesn’t every woman want a man who has only one wife/one girlfriend/one fiance/one love interest/one sex partner who should be you? In this day and age, the men are reverting back to the practice of the old testament in which they juggled a few women at a time. A virtuous man will not have a #1 (because this suggest a number #2) but have a one and only.

A man should be sober. Now this is a little tricky. Man culture seems to encourage a drunken state during any and all social gatherings. It is almost a rite of passage for men to drink until their speech are slurred. While I have nothing against social drinking, it would be nice to have a Virtuous man who knows when it’s time to stop.

A virtuous man can be patient.  We women can definitely test a man’s patience. It’s written in our DNA 🙂 So wouldn’t it be nice when it’s that time of the month, the fight with the best girlfriend, picking a romantic kissy-face movie, and being flustered about ‘does this dress make me look fat’, that the Virtuous man knows how to go with the flow instead of running for cover?

A virtuous man should be able  to appreciate you daily. Solomon (ironically he had a 1000 women) had a way with words that could make any seasoned woman blush (chp 4). Wouldn’t it be nice if the Virtuous man can expressed in modern-day language that “thou hast ravished my heart,… my spouse (vs 9). How much better is thy love than wine!” (vs 10) on days that are not Valentines, Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas and after any life changing trauma?

Let’s discuss some more traits that are practical for the 21st century. A virtuous man should be financially prudent. “Bling” “image” “living large” are all common place words today. Some men are so focused on their car, buying expensive items, and  the 50+ inch tv to fit their mancave but are behind on paying their bills and are deeply in debt. A virtuous man needs to handle his finances wisely (can we say credit report and credit score before any legal matrimony).

A virtuous man should know how to take care of himself. Back in the day, it was not a man’s job to learn how to cook, clean up after himself, and to be a fully involved parent. In this day of gender liberation, too many men are either looking for women who can be a surrogate mother, a maid, a nanny or a combination of all three. I understand that there are some women who want to play these roles (good for you!); however, an adult male over the age of 25 who has moved out of his mother’s home should be able to care for himself and his own place.Think about this – A mentally or physically handicap person is considered semi/independent when s/he can demonstrate self-care and daily life skills.  For the average man, this too should be a requirement. Too many men are reliant on women to care of them while they are not taking the interest to return the favor such as cook a meal, wash the dishes, do the laundry, and maintain a home. It may seem funny when a woman has to be away that she must color code the pre-cooked food in Tupperware and  leave specific instructions on what to do to keep the home running; but it shows a very obvious deficit in the capability of the man. The issue is if you need to be taken care of due to illness etc, then he is clueless. The other option would be to get involve with a man who has enough money to pay for a surrogate mother, maid and nanny if you should ever be out of commission. (Yep! this is my pet peeve).

A virtuous man needs to learn the power of communication. Strong and silent equals divorce and dysfunctional relationships. While I enjoy John Wayne and Arnold S who are men of action but with few words, in real life, communication makes the relationship stronger. Silence shows weakness not strength.

A virtuous man knows exactly what he wants. The growing issue of men being confused about what they want before they initiate a relationship is quite baffling.  It’s like ordering a meal and then wavering whether you want to eat or not. A virtuous man will understand that a woman is not for his immediate pleasure and she is not something to be tossed later. A virtuous man will know that he is ready and then engage or he knows that he is not ready and says so respectfully (communication) or not initiate.

A virtuous man will understand what he has to offer. A virtuous man will know that he brings more to the table than a paycheck and his penis. He will know his self-worth, his strengths, his weaknesses, his morals, and has a clear enough direction about where he would like his life to go and work towards that as much as possible.

Women are always  under pressure to be one thing or another. It is about time that we hold men to a standard above barest minimum. We choose our partners ; therefore, the character of our mate is also a reflection of our character.  What other traits did I fail to mention?


11 thoughts on “The Virtuous Man

  1. Upon reading the desired traits listed above one quickly realizes that most of these traits may be shared by a non-virtuous person. For instance, guys who pick up a lot women are often times instinctively good listeners/communicators who know what to do/say to make a woman feel at ease. It is not the performance of a list of traits that makes one virtuous, but rather it is the way in which the virtuous man lives that imbues virtue into his traits. The epitome of a virtuous man is Christ Jesus… perhaps the Lord of Lords is a bit too lofty of a standard for us carriers of the Y chromosome in the 21st century. Instead lets look at characters in literature who lived in a more familiar world. I think that the character of Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird is a standard to which any virtuous man may attempt to emulate. A man who treats everyone with respect and dignity regardless of their station in relation to him, and who always tries to do the right thing regardless of the consequences to him. I would hope that someone like that be enough to fill the qualifications of a virtuous man.

    1. The traits listed were more in relation to the 21st century man and the current issues In relationships. Christ’s characteristics are still the ultimate to follow even though it may seem he was literally the perfect single male.


    The proponents of salvation by faith alone state that water baptism is an outward sign of an inward grace. Is this a correct doctrine? Yes. The problem is in the explanation of that statement. Faith only advocates say that water baptism is simply a symbolic reenactment of forgiveness that occurred at the moment a person believed that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, Lord and Savior. The Scriptures do not teach that as a fact.


    Romans 6:3 Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?

    Men are baptized into Christ Jesus. Men do not believe only into Jesus. Men are baptized into His death, they do not believe into His death.

    Romans 6:4 Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father,so we too might walk in newness of life.

    We are buried with Christ in baptism so we can walk in newness of life. We walk in newness of life after water baptism not the moment we believe.

    Romans 6:5 For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection.

    We are united with Christ in baptism. We are not united with Christ the very minute we believe. Water baptism symbolizes the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus.

    Romans 6:6-7 knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body, of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; 7 for he who has died is free from sin.

    You are baptized in water so the body of sin might be done away with and be free from sin. If men become believers in Christ and then wait one year before being baptized, they are spending that year not having their old self crucified with Christ. They spend a year not being free from sin.

    Galatians 3:26-27 For you are sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.

    They were clothed with Christ when they were baptized into Him.They were not clothed with Christ the moment they had faith.

    Colossians 2:12 having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead.

    You are raised up in baptism, in the faith of the working God. Men are raised up by a combination of faith and baptism. Men arenot raised by “faith only” nor are they raised before they are baptized.

    Colossians 2:12-13…..When you were dead in your transgression and uncircumcision of you flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions,

    When are men dead in their transgressions? They are dead before they have faith and are baptized in water.

    Acts 2:38 Peter said to them, “Repent and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

    Peter had already preached Jesus as Lord and Christ. Peter had already preached the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. They were still in their sins. They were not saved the minute they believed. They needed to repent and be baptized in order to have their sins forgiven and to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

    Faith, confession, and repentance precede water baptism. Water baptism is the point of forgiveness of sins.

    Water baptism is not an empty symbolic rite demonstrating what happen the very moment men believe.









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  3. Today I was feeling a little annoyed and down about my obvious singleness for half a decade (saw a younger friends wedding on facebook). I know this isn’t long in the church world, esp in the case of my church which is a missionary based church out of Asia. It’s 70% women and I can feel it! I have had guys at church tell me what I should be like in order to meet someone and all of the things were really superficial and a bit rude. I try to live my life as a single woman by busying myself serving God and am trying my hardest to stay pure in 2013 as a 26 year old. I was encouraged to find this because I have been thinking.. hey guys why must I be all of these things but you are 30 and still finding yourselves, living with 5 guys in an apartment and can’t seem to get it together but yet I have to be perfect!! GRRRRR!! Anyway I enjoyed this article and feel fine about having standards for the virtuous man. I know he’s out there but man is it hard waiting sometimes. And I’m not going to let some of these jokers at my church tell me how I should dress and how to cook in order to attract a man. I am hoping they see a virtuous woman in me!

    1. Cookie, I and many other women understand about the difficulty of waiting for the right partner. It has been since the dawn of time that women are subjected to certain standards but no one has set any standards for men. It is expected that we should accept ‘anything’ in order to “cure” our singleness. One thing I know for sure is that when you choose the right partner, then you will both benefit from each other in the long run than choosing someone ‘less than’ to satisfy the here and now but will have continuous heartache in the future. Continue to find your strength, discover yourself, and enjoy yourself.

  4. You forgot to mention all the things that have completely disqualified me from the dating scene my entire life. This list is terrible because it makes me look like a decent person. Okay, so maybe my communication skills aren’t the best initially, but I know how to talk when it matters. Eventually someone will quantify the traits that bar me from normal participation in human society.

    1. Donnie, I am not privy to the traits to which you refer; however, I have found that in this life there is a woman out there for any man and vice versa. The problem is usually being fortunate or blessed to meet that person before Mr/Ms Wrong comes along first. Or Ms/Mr Compatible is delayed. If you can identify with those traits I mentioned then I would guess that you are on the right track to being a decent catch.

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