Fifty Shades of Sexually Frustrated Women

Teddy reading 50 Shades
Teddy reading 50 Shades

I will admit to reading all three Fifty Shades books. In my defense, let me explain how that came about. A few years ago, I had heard of the first book but had not payed much attention because I stopped reading romance novels since my late teens. My sister-in-law and I were talking during a shopping trip and she was singing its praises. So, while in the mall, I passed a book store and decided to investigate.

Despite the bad writing, the first few pages whet my appetite because I had never read or thought much about bondage, dominance and sadomasochistic sex. However, by the end of the first book, I skipped a few repetitive pages, was annoyed by the writing, irritated with the childish nature of the female lead, and I became more intrigued about the psychological state of Mr Grey. This curiosity about the genesis of his obsessive compulsive personality disorder ie. super ridged controlling behaviors motivated me to waste money on the next two. After more page skipping and quick browsing, I got what I wanted.

Years later, the books are a movie and the female readers are either excited to see their mental fantasy come to life or disappointed because the chosen cast does not match their fantasy. Most people and the critics make fun that the readership is bored housewives and lonely single women. I would even further clarify that the readership encompasses both single and married non-Christian AND Christian women who could use a little sexual rejuvenation in their nether region.

People do not typically crave what they already have unless they are greedy. Sex and greedy are never synonymous. I also speculate that most of the women who read the trilogy would not entertain BDSM in their normal sex lives. However, it seems that this clamoring for a poorly written fantasy debunks a myth that most women have limited interests in sex and it awaken a dormant desire for women to have good passionate and orgasmically satisfying sex incorporated in their lives.

Sexually explicit books have been around. Years ago during my frequent visits to Barnes and Noble, there were novels in the Psych/Sexuality section for all to browse. This trilogy seem to hit a nerve and women are passively saying we could use a little more action in and out of the bedroom. I wonder if the married women who read the books ever find the courage to open a conversation with their spouses about their sexual wants in the relationship.

For years, women have been solely blamed for the demise of sex in a relationship due to lack of interest but we are learning that there is more to the story than meets the eye.  Take for instance, research is showing that more women are adding porn to their fantasy library. Biologically, it does not take much to get a man up, ready and done; however, women’s sexual engines do need a little more warming up and attention. Men are slowly starting to learn (women should be telling them) that a women’s sexual epicenter does not always reside in the feminine hole.

When people make fun of sexually frustrated women who read fantasy yet has a partner residing in the household, their jest is slightly misplaced. Fantasy from a novel or porn does not satisfy any frustrated woman but it becomes a distraction from the reality of their sexually starving situation. On the other hand, if men can take ownership of their shortcomings in the sex department, then that can go a long way in a relationship. I do agree that a woman who fakes an orgasm misleads the hubby into thinking he had done a good job for both of them. His ignorance will continue to lead to poor satisfaction for her, a deeper indulgence in unrealistic fantasies, and a long stretch of sexual frustration on her part.


4 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Sexually Frustrated Women

  1. There is a lot of sexual-frustration on both sides of the bed. In our prime, most men could be justly-accused of being “two-minute-wonders”. It is as if our biology and physiology are geared more towards breeding than pleasure. Many are quick-starters and even quicker finishers. We also don’t know any better, because a five-minute “birds and bees” lecture from one of our parents was not real sex-education. It was just enough to get started. Talk of sex was taboo both at home and in the church. Those who should know the most about sex and sexuality refuse to share their wisdom, and there were way more “don’ts” than “do’s”.

    Some women are also quick-starters, depending on their libido. When my first wife and I got married, I couldn’t keep up with her in bed, because male physiology doesn’t rebound as quickly as does women’s. As much as I would have liked to keep up with her, I was physically-unable to do so. It wasn’t a matter of “want-to”.

    As we get older, that high-revving Ferrari engine gives way to a slow-revving, and often slow-starting diesel. What we lose in spontaneity we gain in endurance. What blood-pressure and other medications steal from us, Viagra and EDEX give back; our ability to get it up one more time, and hopefully give and get sexual-satisfaction. Then we can only hope that our partner doesn’t lose interest while the medication is working its magic. An EDEX shot is good for a couple of HOURS of fun, but I have to wonder how many women or men are up to that much sex at one time…

    Ideally, as our respective sexual-responses slow down with age, we should also be growing to become more attentive lovers, so that even if we may not have sex quite as often, each time is less unhurried and more satisfying. That is where communications and paying attention to each other n-becomes even more vital. Our “golden-years” need not become the “rust-bucket” years of our sex-lives.

    There are a lot of Christians who believe that we don’t have any business discussing sexual-matters, but if we believe that our marvelous sexual body-parts were designed and created by God, we DO have good reason to be talking about one of His good gifts to us. Several Christian authors have written wonderful books on sex and Christian sexuality, and I believe that those books should be in every Christian couple’s library. Sex, in the appropriate context, both pleases God and gives Him glory. It is Satan, and those who believe him, who say that sex is “dirty”. God told our first parent to have sex, and He never rescinded that command.

    God bless!


    1. I had a good chuckle with your metaphors. The key that you stated is knowing each other which comes only through open communication. You definitely can teach a few married people on being attentive to each other’s desires which would eliminate the need for external sexual stimulation.

  2. In looking for a blog for single Christian women I came across this blog upon reading a portion of this entry. Bible verses that I have read came into my mind one in particular speaking of how what we take in through our eyes cloud the soul.Luke 11:34 NASB “The eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye is clear, your whole body also is full of light; but when it is bad, your body also is full of darkness. I am not saying this as if I am perfect, I say this in seeking to honor God I want to live in away that honors what Christ did on the cross. Which means I seek to be pure at heart so I might see God as it says in Matthew 5. And I seek to be holy as God is holy.1 Peter 1:14-16 NASB As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, [15] but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; [16] because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.”

    1. Thank you for your comment. As the saying goes, the eyes are the windows to the soul. We tend to become very corrupted easily by the things we see: watch at the movies, on tv, computer, read or even walking through the check out line at the grocery store. In this day and age when everything visual has at least a ‘hint of corruption to the soul’ it is a struggle to guard the mind and the heart. No one is perfect; hence the bible noted that our human nature is inherently sinful. It’s God’s grace that helps us when we go looking for it.
      My blog is not for everyone but if you enjoy it welcome; if you do not, God speed.

Tell Me What You Think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s