Things that Irritate Singles


If you have been single past the age of 25 and Christian,  people will always make certain comments particularly to women. There are a few pet peeves that just irritates the daylights out of me.

  1. You are preparing to be someone’s wife. Wrong! I am not preparing or have ever prepared myself to be anyone’s wife. My parents did an amazing job teaching me how to be a decent self-sufficient person and when I took over the responsibility, I kept learning more about me and my place in the world. If I happen to meet a person who loves what I have done with myself, then so be it. However, I did not create some arbitrary set of characteristics for an imaginary man I may or may not meet in the future.
    1. It would better to say. What have you been doing with yourself? I like what you have been doing with your life. I pray God blesses you with someone who can share your life. So, ladies, go find yourself because marriage will never give you an identity.
  2. I know God will send him to you. No you don’t. The last time I checked you did not have a direct line to God’s plans. You may or may not be blessed with someone in your life. Not every man or woman on the this earth is in a healthy long-lasting relationship.
    1. It would be better to say. I pray God brings someone suitable in your life and give you companionship that is best for you. This is assuming the person wants a relationship.
  3. Let me set you up with…. Why is it that everyone wants to set you up with the least desirable and most incompatible of people? This ‘set up’ scheme is as helpful as swiping left or right based off of one criteria the person is single. There is more to having a connection that being single.
    1. It would be better to do your research ie. likes, dislikes, do they have ANYTHING in common, about the people you plan to set up and ‘sell’ their qualities to the other person. If there is an interest, then ask if it would be okay to arrange a meeting in a friendly no pressure setting or provide the contact information to the other person.
  4. When you get married, then you will understand. One of the reasons why most marriages fall apart is because they did not take the time to understand the basic requirements of marriage before getting married. There is no great mystery to marriage. No two marriages are ever alike because the two people in the relationship are not the same as every other married couple. For example, one husband spends time with his children while another husband spends time and money on video games and leaves most of the parenting to the wife. So, do you have to be married to know which is more important in having a healthy relationship with your children?
    1. It would be better to say. This is what or how things work in our house and you might be looking for this or maybe you would be okay with something different.
  5. You are single so you can do… for me. It is amazing how many people try to take advantage of singles and their time because you are single. If someone is asking you to do something unreasonable, ask the person if she would be willing to do the same thing for you? People who are in a family unit assume that your single free time is available for their use while their free time is for their family. There is an absurd expectation that the single person should always make accommodations for others.
    1. It would be better to recognize that you are being an unreasonable a**hole. It would be polite and appropriate to ask for help and if the single can, then so be it. If the single person cannot, then do not keep badgering. FYI- other people’s constant expectations can cause stress and burn out. It is fair to say that the person in the relationship will not give enough of his/her spare time to the single man or woman in order to be a support when the person needs it.
  6. You need to get out more. How about you need to get out more! It is perfectly okay for the couple or family to rarely go out because they have lots to do at home but it is forbidden that the single wants to hibernate every now and then. There is almost a ridiculous expectation that a single person needs to be out and about every waking moment in order to meet Mr/Ms Right.
    1. It would be better to ask what activities do the person have an interest in and are doing. How about offering to be a wingman on occasion?
  7. You can fix him/her. The single person didn’t know s/he is a handy wo/man. So, did you start with a fixer upper? How do you know the single wants to ‘fix’ anyone? How do you know the person can be fixed? This concept of fixing people is a ludicrous notion that almost every couple knows too well.
    1. It would be better to keep your mouth closed and not show your ignorance. Carrying someone else’s burden is a cross Jesus borne. Each person has his own cross to bear and problems to fix. When people know you and care for you, then they will have your best interest at heart and that will reflect in the person they suggest who could be suitable for you. Enough said!
  8. The point. If you are one of those people, then please think before you become a nuisance. Couples are in such a hurry to see singles married or in a relationship that they unintentionally create a ridiculous fairytale (not even they are living) and  forget they are interfering in a person’s life. Most often, a single person truly needs your support, time and knowing that you give a sh*t instead of some half crazed match making scheme that’s more than likely NOT on God’s agenda.

 

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Riding the Edge


I’m on the edge’ that nebulous edge that is unique for different people. It can be scary, exhilarating, experimental, depressing,  or even dark. It is that edge most people tell themselves they will never cross. It is the ‘it will never happen to me’ place. Well, that is until you find yourself in a state of mind in which you have not only crossed the line but have gone deep beyond it and is at risk of losing one’s self.

It is the edge in which life is out of control and suicide seems like a good option. It is the edge when a good girl from a good upbringing stays with an abusive husband. It is when a faithful church-going Christian loses his strong faith. It is when a marriage is shaky and the grass looks greener some place else. It is when a smart man makes bad decisions and compromises his integrity. It is when someone has loss his/her perspective; loss his/her way.

People cross that edge when they have loss sight of or is missing something important in their lives.  A man who is desperate for love, a family in financial difficulties, or a Christian whose desperate  prayers are not answered.  You have created dreams and expectations for your lives, you have an image as to what you need and what will make you happy. However, for many people, their dreams and their reality are never the same. The stark truth can be overwhelming which pushes them into an unfamiliar place that was never imagined or intended. The place of bad compromise, lying, cheating, stealing, deception, anger and disappointed with God, the place of rebellion, defiance, doubt, shame and a slow erosion of one’s identity, self-esteem, strength, values, confidence, integrity and one’s self.

A desperate man will grasp at anything. So, the problem with riding and crossing the edge is that people are frantically searching for anything to put that dream back together, to find meaning and purpose in their lives. They are desperate for that happy ending and the ideal life that was never promised.

How do you move back from the edge? Slowly, prayerfully and carefully. People’s lives and dreams did not just fall apart in a day. It took time and accumulation of little things to get you to that edge so, it will take time, STRENGTH, dedication, and small steps to get you back on track. It is easier to fall into a hole than to climb out of it so expect moments of fear, weakness, setbacks, and self-doubt. It is all a part of the learning process.

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Is It Time To Move?


 

We sit and wait then sit and wait some more because we are waiting for a ‘sign’ or the right time. The problem that comes with always sitting and waiting is that we miss many opportunities to start goals, pursue a dream, follow God’s plan, get ourselves together and live life. While there is a time and place for everything, most people become complacent in wanting things to be handed to them in order to make a move.

Failure does not only come from trying but it also comes from sitting still. It comes from being quiet when watching a spouse self-destruct, it comes from being afraid, it comes from being set in our comfort zone, it comes from allowing others to hold us back. We fail to grow.

Just as a church body can become stagnant  and ineffective from closing themselves off and keeping the status quo, so can the Christian or any one become dead to self. Jesus was never in one place. He moved about doing his thing. What he had was his beliefs and determination of self. He also took the time to sit quietly for reflection and understanding.

Christian singles are told to wait on the Lord. Well, waiting on the lord does not mean locked in the house praying. A mother who needs a break does not get it by keeping the regular schedule day plan. The person who wants to finally go after his/her dreams does not do so by still dreaming and talking about it. I am guilty of delaying a childhood dream.

A good friend of mine is in a different place in her life than she was one year ago. She took a detour from a lucrative career to help her new husband start his business. I am sure the picture of her life a year ago has no resemblance to what it is now which is putting her on a different path. The point is moving is not all bad and while there will be some hurdles and scary stuff to face, it is definitely a step worth taking.

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Men Need Love (too)


The concept that men are emotionally constructed so differently in which they do not experience the same feelings as women is a destructive but pervasive thought which is passed from one woman to the next.

I cannot place any greater emphasis on the importance of communication. Within the last week, I became personally aware of how much women take men’s feelings and emotional needs for granted.

Men need love too. If I substituted women for men, then this statement would get a ‘duh’ reaction. However, there is an expectation that women should be showered with love but they are not expected to give as much back to men. Women use ‘I’ quite a bit such as ‘I need my man to do (x, y, z) to show that he loves me.’ Well, when was the last time you did x, y or z for your man to show him that you love him. Women want to hear men say “I love you” but how often do they say the same thing? Women should know what makes their men feel loved so do or say more of it because anything less is being selfish.

Men need to feel important too. Yes, women get it! Men have egos. News flash so do women and we at times need it to be fed. This is especially important with kids in the mix. Women become singularly focused on being mothers from birth to the child moving out which can be at the expense of ignoring the men’s value. His roles are not just to provide and protect the family and take out the trash. Women want to hear that they look beautiful and are good mothers but how many women tell their husbands they are good fathers (besides father’s day) and they look especially handsome that day? How many women brag about their men versus finding fault constantly?

Men’s self-esteem can be deeply impacted by your words too. Women can be very harsh and nasty with words. Imagine living in a household in which the person who is supposed to love you keeps cutting you down with mean words. Women be mindful of your words because they can build someone or destroy him. The more you chip away at a man’s self-esteem the less connected he will feel towards you. Men are cognizant and sensitive to how they look in the eyes of the women they love and your words reflect your feelings.

Men find the value in sex and intimacy. There is research evidence to show that men, on average, desire more sex than women. On the other hand, women want more intimacy. Let’s think about this logically. Sex was created for multiple purposes (not just during the honeymoon phase and for making babies) and when women just stop, it creates an imbalance and frustration for men. Let’s put this in an analogous perspective, you and your husband work to maintain the household and  suddenly he stops working or intermittently goes and find a job which he does not maintain without taking to you about what is going on with him. His lack of dependent financial contribution to the family funds and silence will create a significant source of stress and frustration for you. Sex can have such a high value for men because it is not just about the mechanics. Men also want to feel some connection (intimacy) with their women and that can be through sex and other things. So, denying sex without talking about it and not initiating intimacy can be interpreted to a man that he is not loved.

Men need to be given the opportunity to communicate their feelings in their own way. The popular concept of people having different love languages has merit. We are not all the same and therefore we express ourselves differently. Women can be bullies in communication-nagging, badgering, insulting, ego busting, passive-aggressive and excessive talking without listening. Many women have the gift of gab but they have to learn to shut up and listen. The woman is NOT always right – this is counter productive and damaging to good communication. Ask your man about his feelings and thoughts and let him tell you in his own way. Do not assume or assign your thoughts and feelings to him.

Men need someone to be their rock at times. Many women want a strong, tough, take charge guy. There is nothing wrong with those traits; however, women expect that he should be in rock mode all the time without having someone to lean on when he needs help. A lot of men will not show their vulnerability if they do not trust that the women will treat them with kindness when they need it. No one is always strong all the time and men cannot operate in that mode constantly. It is necessary for the woman to create that safe space for when her man needs someone else to be his rock.

Men can use your help. Just because ‘he’s got this’ does not mean that a woman cannot offer her help. Just because he is good at fixing the leaking sink, does not mean he cannot appreciate her handing him the wrench when he needs it. Even if he does not need her help, the act of asking may be a simple gesture but it shows care.

Men should not be hit PERIOD. This highly insane idea that a woman can slap a man in his face or hit him at all because she is angry is ridiculous. If a woman does not want a man to raise his hand at her, then a woman should NEVER engage in such an abusive behavior. While I do not believe in any sort of physical aggression, if a woman is disrespectful to slap a man, he should hit her back.

Men are equal partners in a relationship. If you are blessed to find a good and decent man, then follow the golden rule to do unto the man in your life as you would like him to do unto you.

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Living or Surviving: Depression & Anxiety


How many times have you heard the saying “life is what you make of it.” If you are a child living in an abusive home, a person from a war torn country, suffering from schizophrenia or an incurable disease, then is that a realistic mantra?

I do agree that there are certain things in our control but that is a small percentage in comparison to the rest of our lives which is us living to the fullest or surviving the unpredictable. There are people who struggle daily with trying to find a way to keep afloat, keep fighting or grasping for some stability. A single mother who left an abusive relationship, a husband helping his dying wife, a kid trying to figure out his/her way in an unfair world, and a young adult who feels completely abandon that he/she has pervasive suicidal thoughts with a plan.

The more I look outwards the more I see people surviving than living. A website on Facebook posted ‘How you hide your depression from the world in 16 different ways’ and the response to the post was overwhelming. The same recurs on a veterans page when a vet posts something about death or struggling. The responses are always incredible with so many others who are going through or have gone through that darkness. The point is there are so many people out there who struggle with making life how they would truly like it – peaceful – at peace in their minds, with people around them, with faith, and with almost every facet of their lives. However, there seem to be more people in survival mode than living life to the fullest.

Social media is unmasking so many people with functioning depression. They get up everyday and survive but quietly struggle with barely a glimpse of their issues presented to anyone. It’s not just depression but anxiety as well.  It is a misconception that most people feeling depressed and anxious symptoms are 24-7 reclusive. They are family, friends, coworkers and other we see everyday. They are not just giving up, giving in or waiting for life to be over. They are in a constant mental and emotional fight. Some days are winning days and other days they are taking major mental punches. Some days there are good solid things to hold on to and hope for and other days it’s like grasping at debris while drowning in the middle of the ocean.

My head is filled with so many people’s surviving stories whether from friends, family or patients. It’s the nature of being a listener versus a talker. It makes me wonder who among us does actually have peace. Those trying to survive live in their own world in which they believe that they are the only one. It is not true; it is never true. Trying to survive can look very different for each person because the functioning anxious and depressed person does not share their struggles. Who goes to work and share that her boyfriend just gut punched her last night? Who goes to family and share his loneliness? Who talks to good friends and shares his fears? Who honestly shares that s/he is having relationship problems? How many people feel comfortable and emotionally safe to be vulnerable and put their trust in people around them? Not many.

Life is not just about what we make of it. If people could just ‘snap out of it’ or ‘pray it away,’ then Christians (and other faith based people) would be the most content. The thing is life was not designed to be perfect. If you are a Christian, then you know the Bible talks about ongoing total peace happening in the next life. For those in the here and now, the survival mode is ongoing with one issue after another and for others, it is intermittent.

There are those out there who are living and enjoying life every single day. Some people were truly blessed with peace and prosperity in their lives. However, I know that for many people what we see on the outside is not always the true reflection of the struggle on the inside. In an ideal world, we would all be living life to the fullest but the reality is there are way too many just surviving.

Marriage in Name Only


On a recent vacation, a friend of mine made a statement that I should not get too jaded. The topic had turned to marriage, well divorce actually her divorce after being married for over 20+ years. Most of the time, we talked about relationships because her situation is still fresh and painful. I did not mind letting her vent but I also noticed that my point of view on marriage was lopsided to the negative side.

My history with marriage. My parents celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary a few weeks ago; my grandparents passed within a year of each other and they were in their 70’s and 80’s and still married. I grew up with married people abound. It never fully dawned on me until high school that not every child grew up with two parents. Despite all that togetherness, that level of commitment to another person was not something I wanted. I wanted my freedom to grow and be my own person without having to share me and make compromises.

For many years, I could not say the word marriage or any derivative because it gave me an anxious feeling of being trapped. Most people would think that I did not understand the intrinsic nature of marriage due to my many years of stating “I don’t want to get married.” On the contrary, the reason I stayed away from it was because I fully understood how much commitment that is required and trading in ‘I’ for ‘We’ was a necessity. I also realized at a young teen years that if you plan to make that commitment to someone, then you better be sure. I saw marriage as a serious life-long willing commitment and divorce did not enter my mind. If I understood the value of marriage back then, how is that so many people seem to completely miss that concept?

My jaded feelings now are not about my inability to commit (I got over that) but seeing how many people take those vows knowing deep in their subconscious that it is not the right decision. I am jaded because I get to see behind the hidden curtains of how some of the married 50% destroy a well-meaning institution. As I listen to my friend go through her hindsight, it is clear that her and her estranged spouse were not compatible. It is also funny that knowing how incompatible and out of sync they were, she would have continued with the charade if he had not left. I have another friend who complains about her spouse incessantly but gives the caveat “don’t get me wrong, I love….”  I was having another conversation  with a Christian family member who is separated and going through a divorce. I made the comment that maybe next time God will…. and her response was ‘I thought God was involved’ in their union. Finally, the jaded nail in the coffin is being aware of a married man who wants to have an affair. Sadly, I have more negative marriage stories in my head than positives,

What’s the point of marriage if it is in name only? I am not in any judgment of anyone’s relationship. People make decisions about their partners based on their feelings and thoughts at the time. I understand that our decision-making can be clouded by hormones and unrealistic fantasies of the future but I am starting to think I am surrounded by people who just make shitty decisions based off of desperation. Yes, I know that my job puts me in a one-down position to hear the worst; however, those handful seem to be representation of a portion of the 50% that are still married.

I do think there is a large aspect of marriage that have lost its intended meaning. In the old days, people were forced to marry by a certain age to conform with society. However, today, people are choosing to make the same mistake to still conform to society – ‘you need to be married by (insert age) and you need to have kids already.’ The church and conservative communities are the worst peer pressure culprit. Pre-marital therapy is designed to be an evaluation period but that is a joke. Many couples do premarital therapy as a check off the list item because they already made up their minds to marry and they already planned their wedding by that time. Even if there were any serious issues that came to light, people would ignore them or find someone else to carry out their plans.

I really do not disagree with people who choose not to marry because they do not see a really good reason for the institution anymore. Even the ones running the country have a difficult time with fidelity and keeping marital promise. The president have been married three times and his interactions with his spouse seems as warm as licking a frozen pole AND he has the full support of the evangelical community. Where are the consistent images of couples who exemplify a good marriage in public and behind closed doors? Where are stories of couples who could teach us a thing or two about smart choices in mate selection.

The consistent theme is commitment. Individuals put more attention and commitment into things, hobbies, other people but cannot muster up a portion of that commitment for their marital commitment. The divorced 50% and the unhappy married all have a few things in common but most importantly their focus was distracted. The distraction is either by something else, someone else or their shattered selfish fantasy in the face of reality. There is no perfect relationship but people believe they will get a 100% out of 50% or have a delusion of 100% are recurring themes. ‘Once we are married it will all be better’ and sadly I have actually heard that before and chuckle to myself. Trying to help people to step back and see before they leap is as helpful as trying to talk reality to someone in a psychotic episode. At least for the psychotic person, there are medications that can help but for the determined but misguided single, there is only time.

I should get a better attitude about this. However, I doubt that it will happen the more I become entrenched in the negative side of people who are married in name only.

Accepting Death: Finding Comfort in a Belief in God


I am awake at an unreasonable hour due to a rare bad dream. The dream was unrealistic and something out of an exorcist episode; however, when I woke up, my first thought was towards a video that was forwarded to me. The video captured the death of some people in a car who were trapped in rushing flood waters. It was not the most appropriate video to forward and I deleted the message. I hate feeling like a spectator to such things.

The video resurfaced some death and dying issues I have been occasionally dealing with particularly after the sudden death of my young niece. Like most people, I am not unfamiliar with death and funerals but her passing was more bothersome due to her age and how sudden the body can go into distress without much forewarning. I thought I had made peace with the fear and accepted the inevitable of death but apparently not so well.

If you are a Christian, then you are familiar with the Bible’s occasional and scant details about life after death. For the faithful people,  they go to heaven where everything is rosy and the bad people get something else. As she laid lifeless, my thoughts were not about heaven or hell. The thing I remembered about the body of my niece was how empty she looked. There was no life and her body was just a stuffed shell. It is almost like a beautiful house that is vacant- it is no longer a home but a structure. I could not connect the person to the body. In my denomination, we interpret the Bible’s comparison of death to a person sleeping but the spirit is no longer there, the person is unaware of the happenings in the world and the spirit is at rest until the official judgment and resurrection day as talked about in Revelations.

The fear of death is prevalent in some cultures while in others, it is seen as a journey to embrace. I have to embrace some kind of positive belief about the afterlife in order to be at full peace with death.  For someone with Christian beliefs, that positive belief is in God. With the one year anniversary of her death about a month away and the terminal illness of my mother, the subject of death is very prominent and so is the subject of faith. I am not implying that I will be one of those who makes it through the Pearly Gates because my many sins are always before me. However, so is the ability to pray and I use it frequently. This is God’s show and I am just the player. Whatever the final judgment for my life, I cannot go through life with a fear of what is on the other side. It can become overwhelming particularly knowing that life is a gift that can be taken away at a moment. Plus, it is disturbing my sleep.

When someone is dying, he typically enjoys or cherishes the moments he has left. For those of us who do not have specific timelines, we freak and stress at the slightest things. I am very guilty. It has become standard practice that we cherish something more when we know we will lose it. I have never been afraid of living and I know that I have to restart my life and death  reconciliation. It is not an easy process being comfortable with the unknown, trusting the words of an age-old manuscript and having no eyewitness who can come back and give full details about life on the other side. It is just something I need to do by trusting in God. Everyone needs to have faith in something and God is my choice.

A quote attributed to Mahatma Gandhi “Live as if you know you were to die tomorrow; Learn as if you were to live forever”

Spring Cleaning the Mind


The sun is shining; the temperature is getting warmer (to my liking above 70 degrees) and I have resumed my warm weather goal which is to be outside on every nice weekend. Usually, this is the time of year when people start to reassess and declutter,  for me, that is a must-do with my mind.

Winter has always been my most disliked season, I hate the cold and could never seem to get warm, the early sunset affects my sleeping habits negatively and I am very sedentary. I literally do the human hibernation with the exception for work and grocery shopping, I am inside under the covers. If I should do a self- diagnosis, I would say this winter I was struggling with seasonal affect disorder or exhibiting mild depressive symptoms.

My mood was taking a severe beating these past couple months and it was an immense struggle to use the cognitive interventions i.e. doing therapy on myself 🙂 . So here are my issues: I tend to ruminate on everything. I am solution oriented so when I see problems, then my mind goes to town on finding the solutions. I was ruminating on health issues in my family, being a good daughter, work, finances, my relationship/connectedness with the people in my life and feeling way too involved in people’s lives made extremely easy through Facebook. Coupled with the winter season, the struggle was real!

In the pursuit of practicing good mental hygiene, I decided to make some changes by spring cleaning my mind. Two weeks ago, I decided to cut back on Facebook. This is my only social media connection and over time, I noticed how much time I would spend going through my news feed to see what’s new – marriage, pregnancies, family moments, travel, bitter politics etc. It was all there being absorbed every time I logged on. Frankly, I am happy for other people’s happy moments but I started to notice how much I would compare me and my life even for things I never wanted or in which I have limited interest. Travel has always been a big thing for me so when I see old friends (people with whom I have no real connection besides social media) on vacations, I find myself being a little jealous “I should be doing that.”

After my cutback, I definitely noticed a mood change for the better. Two weeks of not being bombarded by people’s lives-fake or real-felt really good. Sadly, last night, I intended to do a quick Facebook check but it lasted over 1hr and the moment I was off, I noticed how much that clutter of seeing everyone’s stuff put me one step back. Behavior modification: I will not close my account right now but I will restrict how often and how much I view. If someone has something important to tell me, then they have my phone number or can messenger me; so everything else is irrelevant because that information was not intended for me.

Mind Spring Cleaning: I want to help fix things or give good guidance to the people who are closest in my life; hence, the reason why mental health was a draw. I will always be a good listener and I have ridged boundaries when it comes to work but not so much for friends and family. I take on their stuff as I perceive it to be an issue and want to reach out to help as much as I can. It is the desire to make sure I am doing my part as a good friend or family member or coworker when the person expresses a problem. However, it is very draining and extremely tiresome because I have my own stuff that I am also addressing but I am not getting that level of investment from others into me. Sure! so I tend to be the listener than the sharer which makes things lopsided. Sure! so I tend to have a barrier in place that limits my desire to share. Sure! so I think it is my responsibility to fix my own stuff. Behavior Modification: I can listen and be in the moment for the person but I will limit how much I take on mentally. Everyone has their own lives and it is not my job to carry their issues with me to the extent it is too much for me. If God is still listening, then I hand it over in prayer and put their stuff on the shelf.

Mind Spring Cleaning: I have certain expectations of myself and I transition them to the people around me. I wrongly expect certain things from others and when they do not come through then it leads to a sense of disappointment and often times feelings of hurt which leads to increasing my relationship barriers. Behavior Modification: I only have control over me. I have decided to adjust my expectations to whatever the person chooses to give. This will improve the relationship I have with the people closest to me. I need to be more aware of when I am starting to ruminate on the situation that led to feeling disappointment, hurt and frustration and redirect.

That is as much as I can work on right now. I am only one person and as a single, I am taking care of everything by myself which includes everything related to me and some issues related to other family members and my aging and ill parents. The reality is I do not have the mental closet space to fit other people’s stuff. It is my responsibility to take care of me in the best way possible. This is not to say that I will neglect my role as friend or family member but I need to limit how much I choose to carry with me.

Blessings Smoke Signal


While rummaging on Facebook, I came across an inspirational post. The gist of it was what may seem like a disappointing tragedy could turn out to be God’s smoke signal that attracts his blessings. I honestly have to say that I tend to ignore most of those religious inspirational babblings. Maybe I am not at that place in which they do anything for me or I just do not subscribe to random sappiness. However, on those rare occasions when I am looking for some clarity, a sappy religious inspirational post hits the spot. Tonight was such a moment.

Being stressed to the point you are drained of your usual resiliency, can lead to a path down a long dark road.  It can lead to a point of losing one’s self in which you do not recognize yourself, your own thoughts or actions. The max stress point pushes you out of your comfort zone but not in a good direction. It pushes to the point in which you are trying to find relief or resolution in the most sinister or inappropriate of behaviors, places and people. There is a consistent loss of direction, identity and clear end goal. In other words, it can drive you to a slow destruction of mind, body, soul, morals etc.

There is the Proverb that says idle hands are the devil’s workshop but so is feeling desperate – desperate for the blessing you have been praying for or the miracle you want to happen yesterday or the pain you want to be replaced by joy, or the peace you are hoping would eliminate your turmoil etc.

‘Wait on the Lord.’ I really do not believe that most believers are impatient. I believe they are long-suffering. In the grand scheme of our lives, most of us may live for no greater than 70 years so waiting for a blessing that may take 10+ years of our adult lives is definitely a long time. While our lives on the earth is supposed to be temporary, it is still our lives and the only one we have to live in the here and now. Therefore, waiting for a blessing that we are not sure will come can drive anyone batty.

It becomes very difficult to have hope in the midst of your life turning upside down. It is very difficult to not just throw your hands in the air and say I am done. It is very difficult to not venture to the dark side because it is so much easier to be bad than good. It is very difficult to continue to believe when the negative unexpected happens and you have no control. There is that helpless feeling that starts to creep into your mind occasionally then over time, without a blessing, it permeates every aspect of your being. It spreads very quickly like an aggressive cancer. It ruins you in ways you could never have imagined. The journey down the dark road has begun.

I really do not know what to expect from God; however, at every religious corner, the Christian will tell you to ‘wait’ because He will answer your prayers or send a blessing in disguise when you least expect it. Actually, almost everyone has a cheery positive religious answer to any distress in your life. I resist this always sunny Christian disposition because reality has never fully reflected that sentiment. Life is filled with good and bad things. If the blessing we are asking for never comes, it forces us to accept that shitty things do happen but we can compensate in other ‘blessed’ areas of our lives. ‘Sure your legs and arms were blown off while you were serving your country but look on the bright side  you are alive and have a roof over your head and food to eat.’

We take our blessings where we can get it even if it is not in the area for which we were praying. Christian are told to ask God for anything but not expect everything because sometimes we are asking for too much and we need to learn to be satisfied with what we have because it may seem like greed or being ungrateful which is the devil; however, if you are long-suffering then it shows religious dedication and a strong belief in God but then God might be telling you no but you are not listening; but then God might give you what he thinks you need which does not manifest in the way you expect so you should continue to pray without ceasing… phew!!! did you catch all that?

The longer you wait for the blessing the easier it is to become blinded.  The longer you wait for your blessing the more you have to fight to believe and have hope. The more issues that need resolution the more you struggle to stay afloat with all that emotional and psychological weight.  Despite the struggle, every now and then something comes along and jolts you back to your senses with some clarity. It is a minor reprieve from the burden that allows you a moment to breathe in order to refocus, refresh and regroup.