When Bad Parents Happen to Innocent Kids


I remember the first time I thought that a certain pregnant woman should have aborted her baby. I remember it because my own thoughts shocked me. I am the aunt of 20+, did my babysitting time and changed cloth nappies for a few of them. I loved babies and believed in rainbows and unicorns when it comes to those little darlings.

Then things changed. I was working as a case manager with a woman who had an extensive history of addiction and having babies. All the other kids were taken by CPS. She was pregnant again and was thinking about abortion. I was internally excited for her and then she changed her mind and I felt a distinct sense of sorrow for the baby. I believe I felt a touch of anger too. It has been years but since then, I still have those thoughts and the most recent was for another patient. Luckily she miscarried. Thank God!!! and I hope she is never able to reproduce.

Sure, you might think I am being harsh. However, on those too frequent occasions when bad parents happen to innocent children, then the children suffer significantly. A lot of these children grow up to repeat a vicious cycle of parents who do not know how and chose not to learn how to be good parents. I was just asked for my input on a parent-child relationship issue and my first thought to this young lady is RUN!! Run away from your parent and never look back. My response was more practical because that is what she needed right now but in my experience ‘RUN like the wolves are at your heels’ is in her mentally healthiest interest.  Easier said than done.

Bad parents have caused a sh*t load of damage to so many adults. It is not pretty or wrapped up in some easy to solve situation. It is messy! It changes lives and it leaves a deep scar. It is beyond sad. It is emotionally and psychologically destructive. It is like an erosion which eats away at the person as time passes.

There should be PSAs stating: Not everyone was meant to be parents. Just because you are fertile does not mean you should reproduce.

I have heard it said that people who choose not to have children are selfish. Actually, those are the ones who fully understand the requirements of being a good parent and made the right choice for themselves. By the time a kid is 21, bad parents have inflicted so much damage that it will take another 10+ years (with intervention) to heal and minimize the impact the experiences had on their minds, emotions and choices.  I have seen enough in my short life and sometimes I want to be so rude to say to these potential parents or current parents ‘look at your life. If you are so f**cked up, what the hell do you think you are going to do to  your child?’

If you can’t tell, I get a little riled when it comes to kids. Kids who were not asked to be born in destructive situations. They come into this world and are mistreated by the people who were suppose to love, care and protect them. They learn the sin-produced cruelty of people before they are able to build up a strong foundation. I feel distress for the kids who are and were trapped and can’t run.

Healing is not impossible. With prayer, determination and help, the mistreated child is able to find his or her way to become an emotionally, spiritually and psychologically stable adult who can break the cycle and become a wonderful parent.

 

Modern Parents-The First Exposure To Evil


(image copied from olsuit.wordpress)

 

In the season of remembering a very famous birth (not Santa Clause and presents), one cannot help but look at the parents of Jesus. Mary and Joseph were chosen by God for a reason. Apparently, He saw that these two people would “train up a child in the way he should go,” so that when Jesus was of age he would follow in the path that was meant for him. One might venture to say that without the good parental interventions for Jesus at an early age, he could have been easily dissuaded to choose a more sinister road.

Hannah, Samuel’s mother, was also a good example of a parent taking charge of her child’s life. She saw the importance and the value of her son and her role as a parent. Her best intentions for Samuel was to give him back to God. The saying is being a parent is the most important job anyone could do and they are right. A good parent nurtures the future generation, unfortunately, these recent generation of parents are doing more harm than good.

Instead of trying to protect a child from evil, parents are the ones inflicting hurt, harm and even death to their children. The news has become increasingly saturated with parent killing children or abusing them sexually and physically. In the style of hollywood, the abuse comes in the form of parading the child as a financial commodity, then letting their paid babysitters and agents become pseudo-parents. The children are then lost in an adult world, while the parents bask in the limelight and do their utmost best to become young and free teens again.

Spare the rod and spoil the child is deemed to be the new evil in discipline; however, allowing your child to run loose and have their ‘freedom’ is doing a world of hurt. In the age of political b.s. the true context of that verse has been lost. The point was not about corporal punishment but about effective consequences to a child’s behavior in order for him/her to learn. Many of the parents who cry ‘no spanking’ are some of the same ones who have loss the authority in their household and the child makes the rules while they cower in fear or shame.

Training starts from birth. This is such a foreign concept to new parents it’s mind boggling! Have you ever had to watch a 2 or 3-year-old kick and physically hurt her caregiver while the parent cry and lament “I don’t know what to do?” Coming from a generation in which the belt, firm verbal commands and a host of other disciplinary actions were used, it is safe to say that even the simplest rules of parenting are not passed down from parent to parent  anymore.  This very important cycle has been disrupted due to so many factors. Therefore, the recent generations have no idea what it truly means to be a parent. Having worked with parents and their children from the ages of 2-18 years old, I am convinced that most people should have been blessed with sterility. Yes I said blessed!  Because it is always a blessing when a fool is not allowed to spread its seed.

On the other hand, there should be a thunderous applause with a standing ovation for the people who have decided that parenting is not their cup of tea. These are the people who have actually put some thought into the most difficult job on earth and opted not to take the challenge. However, instead of supporting such a conscious decision, most are greeted with insult and identified as ‘selfish.’ The breeders believe that it is a right for every woman or couple to have a child while the nonbreeder, very rightly, see this as a privilege they choose to deny. Too often, it is the selfish person who decides to give birth because having a baby is the status or what is expected of them instead of thinking about how their parenting choices will affect the life of their child. It takes much more personal strength to admit that being a parent is not your calling in life than to have a child and screw up the job badly then expect someone else to fix the problem.

If the masses were not sure about the state of the youth, the demise of the sturdy family structure is now a source of entertainment (16 and pregnant, teen mom, super nanny, the jersey shore, toddlers and tiara etc.). This is a far cry from the parental expectation of what God had in mind when he chose Mary and Joseph. Children are no longer embarrassed to bring shame to the family (there is still some remnants of family pride in the Asian culture) while parents seem to feel a sense of pride over wtf behaviors. If the first line of defense has been eroded even before the child is old enough to be aware, then what is left to protect the future generation? The majority seem to fall into two styles of parenting: The absent parent or the fearful parent. I say bring back the literal rod and beat the ass of the child and the parents. There are so many of them that could use it.