I remember the first time I thought that a certain pregnant woman should have aborted her baby. I remember it because my own thoughts shocked me. I am the aunt of 20+, did my babysitting time and changed cloth nappies for a few of them. I loved babies and believed in rainbows and unicorns when it comes to those little darlings.
Then things changed. I was working as a case manager with a woman who had an extensive history of addiction and having babies. All the other kids were taken by CPS. She was pregnant again and was thinking about abortion. I was internally excited for her and then she changed her mind and I felt a distinct sense of sorrow for the baby. I believe I felt a touch of anger too. It has been years but since then, I still have those thoughts and the most recent was for another patient. Luckily she miscarried. Thank God!!! and I hope she is never able to reproduce.
Sure, you might think I am being harsh. However, on those too frequent occasions when bad parents happen to innocent children, then the children suffer significantly. A lot of these children grow up to repeat a vicious cycle of parents who do not know how and chose not to learn how to be good parents. I was just asked for my input on a parent-child relationship issue and my first thought to this young lady is RUN!! Run away from your parent and never look back. My response was more practical because that is what she needed right now but in my experience ‘RUN like the wolves are at your heels’ is in her mentally healthiest interest. Easier said than done.
Bad parents have caused a sh*t load of damage to so many adults. It is not pretty or wrapped up in some easy to solve situation. It is messy! It changes lives and it leaves a deep scar. It is beyond sad. It is emotionally and psychologically destructive. It is like an erosion which eats away at the person as time passes.
There should be PSAs stating: Not everyone was meant to be parents. Just because you are fertile does not mean you should reproduce.
I have heard it said that people who choose not to have children are selfish. Actually, those are the ones who fully understand the requirements of being a good parent and made the right choice for themselves. By the time a kid is 21, bad parents have inflicted so much damage that it will take another 10+ years (with intervention) to heal and minimize the impact the experiences had on their minds, emotions and choices. I have seen enough in my short life and sometimes I want to be so rude to say to these potential parents or current parents ‘look at your life. If you are so f**cked up, what the hell do you think you are going to do to your child?’
If you can’t tell, I get a little riled when it comes to kids. Kids who were not asked to be born in destructive situations. They come into this world and are mistreated by the people who were suppose to love, care and protect them. They learn the sin-produced cruelty of people before they are able to build up a strong foundation. I feel distress for the kids who are and were trapped and can’t run.
Healing is not impossible. With prayer, determination and help, the mistreated child is able to find his or her way to become an emotionally, spiritually and psychologically stable adult who can break the cycle and become a wonderful parent.