Love, feeling needed, important, appreciated and respected to someone are universal wants for most people. We get into relationships in search of those things and when we find them, then those are the best moments in our lives. For those who have not experienced any of those feelings, then there is an emptiness. A strong emptiness that needs to be filled.
The fortunate group will find this with friends, family and/or a partner. There is nothing more hopeful than listening to someone who has experienced or is still experiencing such a profound connection to someone. It radiates, it seeps out, it is contagious. It is how God intended the world to be and how we should relate to others.
The unfortunate group who have either never had this or have loss this connection to others are plentiful and recognizable through sadness, anger, anxiety, withdrawal, depression, and feels broken. Perpetual disconnection and feeling unloved or unimportant changes people into a shadow of what God intended them to be. Some will give up and others will look for that connection in all the wrong places. We are fallible humans!
Who loves you baby? How do you know when someone has your best interest at heart versus their own interest? How do you know someone is good for you or are you good for them?
1 Growth – Is that person helping you to improve your character? Are you being encouraged to be the best you possible? Does the person help you to feel good or bad about yourself?
2. Boundaries – Does the person respect your rules and not push you do things that may hurt emotionally, spiritually, psychologically or physically? Do they value what is important to you?
3. Listen – Are you being heard? Are your requests and wishes being ignored? Your words falling on ‘deaf ears’? Can you express yourself openly without being made to feel stupid?
4. Honor & Respect – Is that person’s behavior towards you and people you care about honorable? Are you valued as someone important in his/her life? Or are you just the convenient available person or a ‘piece of meat?’ For singles: Are you kept in the shadows, strung along or you are someone’s quiet ‘dirty secret’?
5. Actions – Does that person’s decisions and behaviors lead to hurting you emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually while benefiting him/herself?
6. Evasive – Are there things about this person that remains a mystery and s/he does not feel the need to share with you? Are there things that the person avoids? Are you always left wondering?
7. Support – If you need that person, can s/he be there for you when things are going good or bad?
In our search for connection and belonging, we forget that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and it is our responsibility to value ourselves and teach others to do the same.