There are a few topics that are way too interesting to not have multiple postings and sex and the single christian is one such subject. During my blog surfing, I came across Zabeth’s Ladies Stop Treating Sex Casually post which addressed sexual frustration. I recognized that for single Christians this is an ongoing itch that if scratched outside of marriage (ie by one’s self or with a lover) will result in guilt, shame and self-condemnation. So let me give my unedited opinion and some random thoughts about this issue.
I believe that anything sexually related has become a dirty and perverse idea in the church. The church and very pious individuals only address sexuality in the context of marriage with the assumption that if you are not married then it does not exist. For those curious about the evolution of sexuality, then watching the History Channel’s 5 part series about The History of Sex will be very eye-opening. So, because most people in the western world is not betroth to be married at birth and neither are we living in ancient times where a 13-year-old girl is on her way to being an experienced married woman with children, then what are the solutions?
Masturbation is more acceptable for men than for women. It is practically a rite of passage for boys and men: nocturnal emissions, uncontrolled morning erections and controlled every day erections. For women, our equivalent to the penis is the little clitoris which is safely tucked away and is packed with lots of nerve endings that play a part in female arousal and sexual satiation. Women, especially Christian women do not talk about such indecent things because heaven help us if we admit to having the desire to indulge in a little release.
One of the politically correct solutions to address sexual frustration is to ‘work it off’ which means exercising or some other physical activity. Seriously? That really works every time? Sex literally starts in the mind the moment a woman sees a very good-looking man that she may be attracted to or when a woman swishes by a man with a feminine sway. If you are a Christians or not, “mental masturbation” (a termed use in jest by the psychiatrist in our office) happens whether we want it there or not. A friend of mine aptly said that heaven help her husband when she marries because she has a lot of releasing to do. Don’t you just love such honesty! Yes, she is a Christian.
I advocate for singles using any method they are comfortable with to help address such a natural feeling. That means adding a toy, using your hands or a combination of both (there are no confirmed cases of going blind), exercising or praying. It is employing the same strategies most or all of us would use if we were married (except the exercising and praying). I doubt there is a married couple who can tell me that they do not use some form of self stimulation in their sexual activity. If there is, then I would recommend a sex therapist right away to help you work through your continued guilt and shame.
It is difficult to use the phrase WWJD. I have no answers to that because according to the bible, Jesus was focused solely on doing God’s work and there was no mention of any female interest in his 33-years on earth. It was unusual for a man to be never-married at the ripe old age of 33. My assumption is that Jesus probably went through the same feelings as any other human but there was no mention of how he dealt with those human urges. Most Christians would stone me for saying that Jesus probably had to deal with ‘wet dreams’ like his pubescent peers. Do I think masturbation is a sin especially when adults are marrying at later ages? No. (This is not addressing people who has an addiction or obsession with sex and any thing related). The ‘good Christians’ like to give the impression that they are untouchable about such things but it is a myth.
I think that the early church has vilified everything related to the penis, clitoris and sex. Even today, it still carries the feeling of sinning even within the christian marriage. Masturbation is a choice like almost everything else in life. I am sure a large percentage of the world does it but never talks about it unless the person is a porn star or an outspoken psychologist like Dr Ruth. Single christian are especially susceptible to sexual frustration and stress because even the idea of fantasizing can provoke overwhelming guilt and shame. Plus they probably believe that they are the only ones who have such “bad thoughts and feelings.” Talk about neurosis! (an oldie but goodie Freudian term). I say to single Christians go forth and scratch that itch until you marry someone who can do it for you.