Fifty Shades of Sexually Frustrated Women

Teddy reading 50 Shades
Teddy reading 50 Shades

I will admit to reading all three Fifty Shades books. In my defense, let me explain how that came about. A few years ago, I had heard of the first book but had not payed much attention because I stopped reading romance novels since my late teens. My sister-in-law and I were talking during a shopping trip and she was singing its praises. So, while in the mall, I passed a book store and decided to investigate.

Despite the bad writing, the first few pages whet my appetite because I had never read or thought much about bondage, dominance and sadomasochistic sex. However, by the end of the first book, I skipped a few repetitive pages, was annoyed by the writing, irritated with the childish nature of the female lead, and I became more intrigued about the psychological state of Mr Grey. This curiosity about the genesis of his obsessive compulsive personality disorder ie. super ridged controlling behaviors motivated me to waste money on the next two. After more page skipping and quick browsing, I got what I wanted.

Years later, the books are a movie and the female readers are either excited to see their mental fantasy come to life or disappointed because the chosen cast does not match their fantasy. Most people and the critics make fun that the readership is bored housewives and lonely single women. I would even further clarify that the readership encompasses both single and married non-Christian AND Christian women who could use a little sexual rejuvenation in their nether region.

People do not typically crave what they already have unless they are greedy. Sex and greedy are never synonymous. I also speculate that most of the women who read the trilogy would not entertain BDSM in their normal sex lives. However, it seems that this clamoring for a poorly written fantasy debunks a myth that most women have limited interests in sex and it awaken a dormant desire for women to have good passionate and orgasmically satisfying sex incorporated in their lives.

Sexually explicit books have been around. Years ago during my frequent visits to Barnes and Noble, there were novels in the Psych/Sexuality section for all to browse. This trilogy seem to hit a nerve and women are passively saying we could use a little more action in and out of the bedroom. I wonder if the married women who read the books ever find the courage to open a conversation with their spouses about their sexual wants in the relationship.

For years, women have been solely blamed for the demise of sex in a relationship due to lack of interest but we are learning that there is more to the story than meets the eye.  Take for instance, research is showing that more women are adding porn to their fantasy library. Biologically, it does not take much to get a man up, ready and done; however, women’s sexual engines do need a little more warming up and attention. Men are slowly starting to learn (women should be telling them) that a women’s sexual epicenter does not always reside in the feminine hole.

When people make fun of sexually frustrated women who read fantasy yet has a partner residing in the household, their jest is slightly misplaced. Fantasy from a novel or porn does not satisfy any frustrated woman but it becomes a distraction from the reality of their sexually starving situation. On the other hand, if men can take ownership of their shortcomings in the sex department, then that can go a long way in a relationship. I do agree that a woman who fakes an orgasm misleads the hubby into thinking he had done a good job for both of them. His ignorance will continue to lead to poor satisfaction for her, a deeper indulgence in unrealistic fantasies, and a long stretch of sexual frustration on her part.


Christian+Single+Sexually on Fire

At the risk of being branded immoral and unchristian,  it’s now time to open the closet doors with a few more frank Christian sexual and single discussions.  There is no denying that I find sexuality very interesting. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that anything surrounding sex is kept an open secret for may centuries. Take for instance, old hollywood would depict  married people sleeping in separate twin beds. Male doctors would masturbate women (invention of vibrators) to cure female psychological illnesses while at the same time denounced female sexuality and orgasm. Back in the day, people had scores of children to increase the survival rate of their families but young girls and guys would be married without knowing where to put what. The current day religions and conservative countries that chastise anything sexual tend to sanction men having multiple wives (or lovers) with numerous children. In a recent news report from the middle east, there is an ongoing fight to make sure women do not drive cars because the upstanding men thought if they did, then it would allow women to have more illicit sexual opportunity (interestingly the report did not mention that the ‘council’ was worried about the other half of the sexual equation-the men)…bla bla bla. As I said, an open secret.

The other open secret is Christian singles (and some married couples) sexual mojo are totally on fire without an outlet. There were a number of objections when I suggested masturbation. So, then what? Someone, not religious, once said she noticed that Christians (women) were more likely to marry quickly because they just wanted to have sex ie. attend to the sexual fire. I had to stop and think about that for a moment and then agreed. So, could it be that single Christians who marry later in life have a shorter courting or dating period because they want to get to the physical part sooner rather than later?

The sexually active population do not face such a spiritual dilemma because there are a number of sexual programs to which they can subscribe: The paid sexual satisfaction program, the friends with benefit program, the booty call program, the one night stand program, and the sex outside of marriage in a committed relationship program. The single Christian has…ummm….wait…well… God. There are no easy and quick fix solution for the sexually on fire Christians despite the fact that they do exist in very large secretive numbers. Why? because no one would ever thing that being a single christian would entitle you to have any sexuality at all. They are all castrated monks.

I wonder how many would admit to another person or themselves that they are as horny as hell and they can’t take it anymore. How many would admit to seeing a hot guy/girl and for a long few seconds entertain the thought of a quick fiery quenching moment of passion or lust. Speaking of lust, which means a passionate or overmastering desire or craving, that word has been vilified in the bible and there is a clear understanding why. However, he who has never felt lust (repeatedly) cast the first stone. The issue is lust comes with sexual desire because it’s a normal part of life. When was the last time you looked at the opposite sex and the only things that were stirred up within yourself were the very basic of emotions. By the way, I would hope married couples have some of that in their marriage to keep the fire burning.

The problem with lust is that sometimes it’s taken way too far. Take King David for instance, he had lustful feelings for Bathsheba, after all, she was apparently beautiful and bathing naked in plain sight. What he did after seeing her was the true sin. David allowed his imagination to linger a lot longer than was appropriate and he was overcome with an uncontrollable desire for something/someone he should not have had. Like David, I can honestly say that I would definitely have had some lustful thoughts if I had a good view of  a gorgeous naked man next door. I also can’t say that I don’t have some lustful thoughts when a gorgeous man fully clothed walk by me :-). However, unlike David, I would not be venturing boldly over to the neighbours for an afternoon or late night delight.

I know that people will quote the passage stating that a man who lusts in his heart has already committed a sin. The reality is no one, Christian or other, walks by someone of the opposite sex  that they find attractive and thinks “I bet she has the smartest brain ever” or “I am sure he will make a good husband and father.” In all honesty, the first things we do say are “she is so beautiful or sexy” or “He’s so hot.” The next thing that happens is that the brain sends a message to the heart and those perfectly functioning sexual organs and bang… sexual spark that can lead to an inferno. The other truth is one does not have to have a visual object to ignite those horny desires-the body is just an amazing God created vessel with God created functions. Believe it or not, there are normal things or moments that can kick the body into a sexually aroused state automatically: an innocent touch, a smell, a memory etc.

There is no shame in admitting to being horny and sexually on fire. There is no sin either. This is just the facts of life because we are all created sexual beings. There is no shame in admitting that for singles and sexless couples that it can be very difficult to not be having some kind of sex or at least some way to relieve those normal sexual feelings and desires. Sex and all things related is meant to be a fun activity. There are and will always be moments when sex is overwhelmingly on the brain, heart, and genitals just as there are moments when it’s not. Sexual frustration is a very real thing for a number of people: virgins, married, singles, old, young, men and women. It is even more frustrating for Christians because of the mental message that there is a fine line between holy and perverted. For Christians, feeling sexual desires and all it entails should be synonymous with healthy and normal.