Minimum Is Not Always Good Enough

A number of things have changed in the space of a month. Job change, career change, some financial reprieve and my decision to go active husband hunting. Of all those things I listed, the husband hunting is the hardest and most cringe worthy. Looking at those words “husband hunting” makes me uneasy.

It’s not just about the words but the image that comes to mind – like a cougar (no pun intended) on the prowl for fresh available meat. It’s not just any meat but prime grade A quality meat. None of that sounds very lady like or Christiany! However, the reason for the pursuit of more than the minimum single status quo is due to one thing – the philosophy that if I want something, then I need to take an active role in trying to acquire it.

For the longest time, religion dictates that we should be content in whatever situation we are in. However, I have decided to challenge that concept. That idea of being a minimalist is such a weak philosophy for living. If I live in the gutters of India, should I be content and praise God for – being alive? Should I always end my prayer with ‘This is what God wants for my life?’ Or can I work my way out of that miserable state and thank God for every progress?

I happened to have formed a budding work friendship with a single (non Christian) 40 something waiting for her man to propose. She was so forthright about her desires to be coupled and that she would actively pursuit two other eligible guys if her man continues to be a minimalist (all the milk without buying the cow). While her and I are very different in characteristics, I did grab on piece of important tidbit – sitting on your ass and praying alone will not make the world work in your favour.

I can hear the conservative christians vehemently explaining how ‘God works in mysterious ways’ and ‘wait on the Lord’ etc. These verses easily slipping from their mouths’ but as I stated in my analogy about the gutters of India, I have decided to take the action point of view with my social life. PS- It’s quite fun to take an active role :-) A dear friend of mine is leaving behind the minimum thought too-she has a financial goal she wants to achieve and let’s just say it’s a lot more than pennies. She is actively going after that goal while still keeping her connection to God. It’s shocking how you can do both.

Contentment is certainly not overrated. However, contentment and having the barest minimum do NOT go hand in hand. Contentment and suffering are NOT synonymous. The idea that Christianity has become this perpetual suffering religion is ludicrous. Many of the Old Testament stalwarts were quite wealthy and God blessed them even more because such blessings were not evil – being happy in one’s life does not equal sin.

I can truly say that this time in my life I am doing the minimum dance which is very far from contentment. So whether it is husband hunting or career finding or financial stability or even something else that God has blessed for those bible characters, doing the minimum does not seem to pull me closer to God. I guess I am refusing to be this waiting suffering Christianish person.

The Pathetic Single

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I was excited to attend a very public event that usually hosts families and groups of all kind. I was very set to go when my activity partner cancelled and another potential companion ditched as well. I became unusually bummed out because I was facing the decision to stay home or going alone. Weirdly, it was a struggle to decide. Afterall, why should I miss out on an event just because I had to attend solo? I had to be very honest with myself on the reason I felt some intrepidation to go alone. I recognize that I did not want some random people to identify me as one of those pathetic single girls; I did not want anyone to feel sorry for me because I was flying solo.

Yes, I get that those are my thoughts and people could not careless because they do not know me. However, the point is that is how I feel. I can identify with those thoughts because on the occasion that I am out with friends in a social environment and I see a single person, dining alone or sitting somewhere alone, my first feelings are empathy and pity. A few years ago, I had made the brave decision to dine at chain restaurant for lunch by myself and it was the most uncomfortable feeling. Needless to say, I had never done it again. The truth is most activities are so much more fun with someone else involved; It’s just not the same when you are alone.

Sadly, I can see myself becoming one of those people who would mercilessly beg someone “please please go with me because I don’t want to do it alone.” This is slightly distressing because I hate those people and a couple of years ago I was sooo the opposite of that.  I suspect this is not just me fussing about being a solo activity member because a fellow single blogger lamented about the same thing.

As I get older, the idea of doing things alone has become daunting. I recognize that I have restricted some of my activities because they entail attending with me, myself and I if my activity partners are otherwise occupied.  I truly miss those days when I said screw it (after friends backed out on me) and went to different places such as the Grand Canyon by myself and had a great time.