While You are Waiting

IMG_2535[1]Wait on the Lord’ is a very well-known phrase that most Christian singles have heard or say to themselves or others. Here are some Bible verses (Psalms 27: 14; 62:1; Isaiah 40: 31; 64:4) to support that idea. I have no contradictions when it comes to waiting on God; however, I do have some suggestions while  you are waiting.

  1. Be comfortable in your skin. Too often singles are waiting for someone to come into their lives and make them whole (ie. not God). No one else can accomplish such a feat except for the individual. If you recognize that you are missing something in your life then go find it. Get to know yourself intimately. A confident person is an attractive person.
  2. Enjoy life because tomorrow is not promised. Have fun! There are so many things out there to see, discover, experience and explore. When was the last time you went to a museum? Ate at a new restaurant? Take a vacation or staycation? Go to a free outdoor concert? Or even take a walk in the park?
  3. Listen to your own voice. Singles can become consumed with what everyone else thinks, is doing, and saying versus listening to their inner person. You are an adult capable of independent thoughts so use them.
  4. Get up and out. Sitting around day after day moping about being single makes you a pathetic dull person. What do you have to offer to someone else besides whining? If you made your home a prison, then you can free yourself.
  5. Explore. You are responsible for making your life interesting or boring. The internet is a great place to start looking for what’s going on in your area. Be a tourist in your city or state and you will find lots of things to do.
  6. Be adventurous. Choose something that’s on your bucket list. Don’t have a bucket list? Then create one.
  7. Be interesting. The most interesting people are the ones who live their God-given lives not the ones who sit around on social media all day every day. Plus, if you are out doing something and taking pictures of your adventures, then you will actually have something useful to share on social media.
  8. Volunteer. There are so many good causes that could use a helping hand. Volunteer on occasion and see life through someone else’s life.
  9. Become the person with whom you want to be in a relationship. If you would not date yourself, then why would you offer that to someone else?? Be proud of who are and the good things you have done with the time God has granted you. Build your character.
  10. Take charge. Change and growth is your responsibility
  11. Be kind to yourself. Take care of your mind, body and spirit. Too often we carry regrets, we eat poorly, worry and engage in things that break the soul.
  12. Love yourself the way you believe God loves you



Things that Irritate Singles

If you have been single past the age of 25 and Christian,  people will always make certain comments particularly to women. There are a few pet peeves that just irritates the daylights out of me.

  1. You are preparing to be someone’s wife. Wrong! I am not preparing or have ever prepared myself to be anyone’s wife. My parents did an amazing job teaching me how to be a decent self-sufficient person and when I took over the responsibility, I kept learning more about me and my place in the world. If I happen to meet a person who loves what I have done with myself, then so be it. However, I did not create some arbitrary set of characteristics for an imaginary man I may or may not meet in the future.
    1. It would better to say. What have you been doing with yourself? I like what you have been doing with your life. I pray God blesses you with someone who can share your life. So, ladies, go find yourself because marriage will never give you an identity.
  2. I know God will send him to you. No you don’t. The last time I checked you did not have a direct line to God’s plans. You may or may not be blessed with someone in your life. Not every man or woman on the this earth is in a healthy long-lasting relationship.
    1. It would be better to say. I pray God brings someone suitable in your life and give you companionship that is best for you. This is assuming the person wants a relationship.
  3. Let me set you up with…. Why is it that everyone wants to set you up with the least desirable and most incompatible of people? This ‘set up’ scheme is as helpful as swiping left or right based off of one criteria the person is single. There is more to having a connection that being single.
    1. It would be better to do your research ie. likes, dislikes, do they have ANYTHING in common, about the people you plan to set up and ‘sell’ their qualities to the other person. If there is an interest, then ask if it would be okay to arrange a meeting in a friendly no pressure setting or provide the contact information to the other person.
  4. When you get married, then you will understand. One of the reasons why most marriages fall apart is because they did not take the time to understand the basic requirements of marriage before getting married. There is no great mystery to marriage. No two marriages are ever alike because the two people in the relationship are not the same as every other married couple. For example, one husband spends time with his children while another husband spends time and money on video games and leaves most of the parenting to the wife. So, do you have to be married to know which is more important in having a healthy relationship with your children?
    1. It would be better to say. This is what or how things work in our house and you might be looking for this or maybe you would be okay with something different.
  5. You are single so you can do… for me. It is amazing how many people try to take advantage of singles and their time because you are single. If someone is asking you to do something unreasonable, ask the person if she would be willing to do the same thing for you? People who are in a family unit assume that your single free time is available for their use while their free time is for their family. There is an absurd expectation that the single person should always make accommodations for others.
    1. It would be better to recognize that you are being an unreasonable a**hole. It would be polite and appropriate to ask for help and if the single can, then so be it. If the single person cannot, then do not keep badgering. FYI- other people’s constant expectations can cause stress and burn out. It is fair to say that the person in the relationship will not give enough of his/her spare time to the single man or woman in order to be a support when the person needs it.
  6. You need to get out more. How about you need to get out more! It is perfectly okay for the couple or family to rarely go out because they have lots to do at home but it is forbidden that the single wants to hibernate every now and then. There is almost a ridiculous expectation that a single person needs to be out and about every waking moment in order to meet Mr/Ms Right.
    1. It would be better to ask what activities do the person have an interest in and are doing. How about offering to be a wingman on occasion?
  7. You can fix him/her. The single person didn’t know s/he is a handy wo/man. So, did you start with a fixer upper? How do you know the single wants to ‘fix’ anyone? How do you know the person can be fixed? This concept of fixing people is a ludicrous notion that almost every couple knows too well.
    1. It would be better to keep your mouth closed and not show your ignorance. Carrying someone else’s burden is a cross Jesus borne. Each person has his own cross to bear and problems to fix. When people know you and care for you, then they will have your best interest at heart and that will reflect in the person they suggest who could be suitable for you. Enough said!
  8. The point. If you are one of those people, then please think before you become a nuisance. Couples are in such a hurry to see singles married or in a relationship that they unintentionally create a ridiculous fairytale (not even they are living) and  forget they are interfering in a person’s life. Most often, a single person truly needs your support, time and knowing that you give a sh*t instead of some half crazed match making scheme that’s more than likely NOT on God’s agenda.


Blessings Smoke Signal

While rummaging on Facebook, I came across an inspirational post. The gist of it was what may seem like a disappointing tragedy could turn out to be God’s smoke signal that attracts his blessings. I honestly have to say that I tend to ignore most of those religious inspirational babblings. Maybe I am not at that place in which they do anything for me or I just do not subscribe to random sappiness. However, on those rare occasions when I am looking for some clarity, a sappy religious inspirational post hits the spot. Tonight was such a moment.

Being stressed to the point you are drained of your usual resiliency, can lead to a path down a long dark road.  It can lead to a point of losing one’s self in which you do not recognize yourself, your own thoughts or actions. The max stress point pushes you out of your comfort zone but not in a good direction. It pushes to the point in which you are trying to find relief or resolution in the most sinister or inappropriate of behaviors, places and people. There is a consistent loss of direction, identity and clear end goal. In other words, it can drive you to a slow destruction of mind, body, soul, morals etc.

There is the Proverb that says idle hands are the devil’s workshop but so is feeling desperate – desperate for the blessing you have been praying for or the miracle you want to happen yesterday or the pain you want to be replaced by joy, or the peace you are hoping would eliminate your turmoil etc.

‘Wait on the Lord.’ I really do not believe that most believers are impatient. I believe they are long-suffering. In the grand scheme of our lives, most of us may live for no greater than 70 years so waiting for a blessing that may take 10+ years of our adult lives is definitely a long time. While our lives on the earth is supposed to be temporary, it is still our lives and the only one we have to live in the here and now. Therefore, waiting for a blessing that we are not sure will come can drive anyone batty.

It becomes very difficult to have hope in the midst of your life turning upside down. It is very difficult to not just throw your hands in the air and say I am done. It is very difficult to not venture to the dark side because it is so much easier to be bad than good. It is very difficult to continue to believe when the negative unexpected happens and you have no control. There is that helpless feeling that starts to creep into your mind occasionally then over time, without a blessing, it permeates every aspect of your being. It spreads very quickly like an aggressive cancer. It ruins you in ways you could never have imagined. The journey down the dark road has begun.

I really do not know what to expect from God; however, at every religious corner, the Christian will tell you to ‘wait’ because He will answer your prayers or send a blessing in disguise when you least expect it. Actually, almost everyone has a cheery positive religious answer to any distress in your life. I resist this always sunny Christian disposition because reality has never fully reflected that sentiment. Life is filled with good and bad things. If the blessing we are asking for never comes, it forces us to accept that shitty things do happen but we can compensate in other ‘blessed’ areas of our lives. ‘Sure your legs and arms were blown off while you were serving your country but look on the bright side  you are alive and have a roof over your head and food to eat.’

We take our blessings where we can get it even if it is not in the area for which we were praying. Christian are told to ask God for anything but not expect everything because sometimes we are asking for too much and we need to learn to be satisfied with what we have because it may seem like greed or being ungrateful which is the devil; however, if you are long-suffering then it shows religious dedication and a strong belief in God but then God might be telling you no but you are not listening; but then God might give you what he thinks you need which does not manifest in the way you expect so you should continue to pray without ceasing… phew!!! did you catch all that?

The longer you wait for the blessing the easier it is to become blinded.  The longer you wait for your blessing the more you have to fight to believe and have hope. The more issues that need resolution the more you struggle to stay afloat with all that emotional and psychological weight.  Despite the struggle, every now and then something comes along and jolts you back to your senses with some clarity. It is a minor reprieve from the burden that allows you a moment to breathe in order to refocus, refresh and regroup.

Adult Virginity


The idea of adult and virginity in the same sentence is an oxymoron to both secular and christians alike. Most Christians do not expect an older man or woman to be a virgin despite not being married. However, this is not true and interestingly there is a stigma, a very bad one associated with this phenonenon.

The assumption is there are alot more adult virgins than anticipated. Adult virginity is not just about religious beliefs but for the adult virgin in the church this may be the more logical reason. However, unlike their younger counterpart, it is not a proud state of being anymore. It is arbitary at what specific age it is considered the point when being sexless stops being a virtue and becomes a curse. I doubt you will see someone over 21 publicity supporting purity rings and pledges.

I was watching an episode of a tv show and one of the characters is a beautiful career woman who happens to be a virgin waiting for marriage which never came in the appropriate time. The character would disclose her ‘status’ on her dates and the men would flee and never to return. That episode ended with her having sex. The moral of the story is this may be the same issue for adult virgins even in the church.

If this situation is true in real life, then the question is why would a man run away from a woman in which he would be the first to “pop her cherry?” I can not image that this is a pleasant conversation to have expecially for men. Even though a man is in the church, there is still an expectation that he has conquered a few ladies and knows his way in the bedroom and with a woman’s body. So who does an adult Christian turn to when this is their issue? I can imagine that being an older virgin would be as scary to discuss as sex is in the church.

The times have changed drastically when being terminally sexless is a shame and having multiple experiences or partners the proud moment to share with the world. The ‘friends with benefit’ is the more popular phenomenon. I wonder too how I would react if a man over 30 disclosed that he is a virgin? Would I be freaked out or find it a very pleasant challenge to put my kama sutra book to good use? 🙂

Does an adult virgin have any pride about his/her status anymore or s/he is just waiting for the day to get rid of it? Jesus was a virgin until his death at age 33 so there is nothing for an adult Christian virgin to feel shame about. However, in this day an age, shame is the most likely feeling adult virgins experience.